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Tongues of Fire

Do I have your attention? Do you think this article is going to be about speaking in tongues? Sorry, not going there. But I do want to address the issue of the power of the tongue when it is used for either edification or destruction within the church. As James said, “The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell” (James 3:6).

I think it is pretty clear that when we gather corporately to worship and sing songs of praise, worship and adoration, it is a very beautiful and moving experience. Yet isn’t it something that with the same mouth which pours forth praise, comes malicious talk, gossip, and slander? Sometimes things that wound and destroy others lives are said with such ease; it is shocking. “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be” (James 3:10).

It is clear from the scriptures that God hates gossip. Check out the context in which gossip is included by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the church at Rome: “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips…” (Romans 1:9).

If gossip is that powerful, that evil, that destructive, then it can have no place in the church. If it “corrupts the whole person” then it has to affect our worship. That said, it has been my experience all too often that we tolerate and allow gossip to go unchecked and undisciplined. When is the last time that you heard of someone in leadership being disciplined, or confronted for being a gossip? In my 43 years in the church I certainly have never seen a leader or pastor removed for gossiping like I have seen them removed for other sins; it appears as if we don’t take this as seriously as Scripture does.

Our praise has to go beyond singing songs: our worship needs to be expressed outside of our gatherings by freely blessing our brothers and sisters with words of encouragement. In other words, we need to stop bad mouthing other churches as well as each other. “If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” (Galatians 5:5).

Let our tongue be used for edification, not destruction; for worship not division; for a blessing, not a curse.
“The tongue has the power of life and death…” (Proverbs 18:21).

YouTube

I have a couple of videos posted on YouTube.  The first clip is the first part of an interview with Desert Christian News. The second clip is the song I sang at the end of the interview---Oh Lord, Have Mercy On Me.

Politics and Christians

I'm not going to delve into this deeply. I’m just going to share a couple thoughts as I listen to the rantings on the Left and the Right, neither of which I have found across the board to be rational or objective.

First of all, it seems to me that most Christians I meet are more influenced by their politics than by their faith. They seem to allow their political views to shape their faith, rather than allow their faith to shape their political viewpoints, which to me would mean one would have a tough time aligning oneself with either party completely. I sit and watch people on the Left and the Right say such thoughtless things, and rather than admit that their candidate is misstating something or simply wrong in their position, they will find some way to spin it in a partisan fashion. I'll be honest; I don't know how you can be partisan and not be in conflict with your faith. Our ultimate allegiance is to the 'Kingdom of God' and the values of the kingdom, which no political party embodies.

We live in a democratic society and we have the freedom and right to participate in the political process, and we should do so. But developing hatred for the men and women in politics themselves, not just their views, seems completely contrary to the words of Jesus when He says, "Love your enemies." Many see those who hold opposing views on political issues as the enemy.

Scripture tells us two interesting things that apply here. One is that “there is no authority in authority, that God hasn't placed there.” Two that we are to “honor and pray for those in government.” These things were written to men and women who were not living in a democratic society, but under the rule of Rome and the emperors. There are Christian men and women throughout the world who live under tyranny and oppression; they read the same Bible as us and they are instructed to do the same thing. Yet I have a sneaking suspicion that if the wrong party wins this election, those whose candidate failed to win office will have a really hard time with these instructions.

Years ago I was pastoring a church that had a Christian school ministry. In the school entryway there was a photograph of the then U.S. President, George Herbert Bush. Some time later he lost his bid for re-election. Long after he left office, the photo of Bush still was there. I talked to the pastor who was over the school, and I made it very clear to him that I wanted to see a picture of the current President, Bill Clinton hanging in that spot. It took months for that to take place. I felt that the children were being exposed to something completely contrary to what the scripture teaches and was a perfect example of “politics influencing faith versus faith influencing politics.”

I'm not saying you shouldn't be be passionate and concerned; just don't fall into the extremism and fear mongering that fills the airwaves and especially the Internet.

Just remember this: if your candidate wins or loses, God is in control. Oh yeah, and remember in your conversations with others to demonstrate honor and respect for the man or woman in office, whether you care for them or not. And pray for them as the scripture instructs us all to do. By the way the Apostle Paul goes as far as to say that we are to “give thanks” for them.

Worship Together

“Church” basically means "the assembled," "the gathered," or "congregation." Take your pick. By this very simple definition it’s hard to think of anyone being able to defend the individualistic and independent attitude that is expressed by so many who call themselves followers of Jesus, yet are not connected to the local church on any level. 

Of course I understand the personal part of our relationship with God. Spending time alone before Him in prayer and meditation is a given;  I will stipulate that as being a valuable and practical aspect of our walk with God. But I am absolutely convinced, by scripture, history and experience, that the life that we have in Christ is worked out in community, in relationship with one another, and not in independence and isolation.

Frankly, I empathize with those who point to one horror story after another about the failure of the church, the abuse that has taken place, or the lack of consistency in relationship to our stated values that leaves so many disillusioned and disconnected. It is a complete and total shame that this happens, but it still doesn’t excuse dropping out and trying to work out our relationship with God alone. That simply isn’t an option.

The fact is here in our community and in thousands of others around the world, there exists every possible expression of "church" that one can imagine--- some incredible, some not so good and everything in between. We cannot know or express our call, our purpose, or God’s plan for us outside of "the gathering." Our faith is expressed and worked out within a context of togetherness. It’s how we are made. It’s how God set it up. 

For those of you committed to the local church, I would encourage you to examine the level of that commitment. Are you marching in and out every Sunday? Are you known or unknown by others? If you aren’t there, is the church missing something?  

If you aren’t a part of a local church, I would encourage you to find someplace where you can plug in, be a part, contribute and express the gifts God has given you. Notice I didn’t say anything about finding a place that meets your needs. I will say that it needs to be a place that expresses values, priorities and practices that resonate with you; a place that builds you up, strengthens you, and encourages you in your faith. If this is happening, then your real needs will be meet.   The writer of Hebrews wrote to "not forsake the gathering of yourselves together as some are in the habit of doing, but consider how you may stir one another up to love and good deeds." It can happen in a home church or a megachurch, but I am certain of this: "church" cannot happen alone, separate from connectedness, anymore than one of your limbs can function unattached to your body.

We worship, we live, we find life in Christ together.

P.S. I fully understand that church can happen in a home without incorporating, without hierarchy, without institutionalizing.

Glory in Weakness?

I do not want to go down the path I have been on for a while, but simply want to highlight a characteristic that I have noticed in the church. We know that the Apostle Paul stated that he 'gloried in his weakness'. We know that in Romans 14 he encourages us to 'prefer the weaker brother' yet it doesn't seem to me that WE, I include myself in this, do this very well. We really like winners, we love 'success stories'; we like the strong, we only like hearing of failure in the aftermath of it, once someone is on the other side of failure and are reporting it as a past event. But embracing people, who have failed or never really succeeded, is something we don't really do.

In thinking about it for myself, I have thought of the challenge of loving someone who isn't winning, isn't overcoming, and doesn't have it together; it's not an easy thing to do. If I think about people I know who have been very successful, admired, well-liked, popular, all the good stuff, then they fail, and it is absolutely amazing to see how quickly all their admirers peel away. They no longer call. They no longer return phone calls. They no longer extend invitations to fellowship or just hang out, and it is really something.

I want to be the kind of person who sticks with someone who is no longer popular, or in good standing. I want to stay in contact with my friends throughout the ups and downs of their lives. That has been one of the great things about the Internet; so many people have contacted me and expressed encouragement and love. I have people contact me thanking me for things from the 70's and 80's and beyond; it is really nice and a great source of pleasure for me. Not just receiving encouragement, but being able to give it as well; sometimes just staying in contact, sometimes hearing of someone going through a tough patch and just letting them know I am thinking of them and praying for them. Sometimes I haven't met them, but I know of them through their ministry and they have impacted me.

Hopefully people don't get callous to this sort of thing. I know it always blesses me that someone would reach out to me now that I am not 'somebody'...don't worry I don't feel that or believe that today, but I know it's the way it works. I guess this comes back to the issues related to friendship and relationships that reflect a heart of compassion and true empathy. I just know experiencing it and watching others experience it causes me to doubt just how much we really 'glory in weakness', or how we see others as something other than 'the weaker brethren'. What is it in us as individuals and as communities of faith that allows for this sort of behavior? Embracing others in strength and success and then jettisoning when people fail to meet our expectations. It's almost as if a person ceases to exist if they no longer are visible or popular. I think that's a very sad thing.

The only way it will change is if we change as individuals and begin to see those who have been left by the wayside and reach a hand out to them, one person at a time. It certainly isn't going to happen institutionally. When I resigned from a very visible position in ministry, there were a handful of people who remained close and sought to be a support to me, but one guy in particular, apparently made it a point to make sure he contacted me every week for at least a year. He heads a very large growing church, has tons of demands on his schedule and plenty of others responsibilities, yet he called me at least once a week for over a year. I could tell it was a priority for him; it was simple, 'How you doing?' 'Anything we can do for you?' 'Hang in there, buddy, we love you.' And you know what? I believed him, and it was a wonderful lesson. That's the kind of thing I'm encouraging us to do. Don't let fear or discomfort keep you from doing this.
It's easy to love the lovable...(Luke 6) not so much the weak or even ungrateful.

Todd Hunter's Visit

Recently Todd Hunter came and shared with our church. Todd and I go back a long way. It was so refreshing to see how he treated our little church like it was 3,000 people. As to the content, it really was powerful and thought-provoking. There is no doubt that things have changed dramatically over the past couple of decades; the environment in which we seek to communicate the Gospel is more challenging than ever. All the things that we took for granted years ago, people believing in God, believing the Bible is the Word of God, believing Jesus was the Son of God are no longer viewed in the same way. As the song says, “Well that was yesterday and yesterday’s gone.”

I became a Christian long ago and witnessing was a big part of our agenda. I would walk up to complete strangers at the beach or parks and witness to them, many times praying with them. It was easy compared to today; back then it was like fishing at a trout farm. To gain a fuller understanding of some of the changes that have taken place, I will direct you to a couple friends of mine, Jason Clarke (http://www.jasonclark.ws) or Todd Hunter (www.3isenough.org). They will help you increase your understanding of where things are today.

Today when you talk to someone about God, they want to know which ‘god’ you are speaking of. They may point to a telephone pole and tell you that's their god or higher power. It’s one of the effects of pluralism, the melding together of diverse cultures and their systems of belief. If we are to gain respect of others, there is no lecturing them, or dismissing their belief systems. Evangelicals have been guilty of this sort of attitude and have been resoundingly rejected by our culture. We need to be ready to listen to them and answer their questions. Todd referred to a book, The Fall of an Evangelical Nation, by Christine Wicker, part of which lays out the attitude toward Evangelicals in America; it is not a pretty picture. They don't like us and they don't want to hear from us on Larry King Live lecturing them and telling them what they are doing wrong. Years ago when the evangelical talking heads began to appear on television news programs, I would cringe. I didn't want them speaking for me. I didn't want to be identified with their smug and condescending manner, but nonetheless, we have been. You and I have been lumped together, and we have a lot to overcome if we seek to communicate the gospel in this new atmosphere. I'm not sure if Todd was quoting someone else or this came directly from him, when he said, 'many people feel we won.....but we lost' and I think it's true; we broke onto the national scene and proceeded to come off arrogant, the purveyors of all that is true. One of the problems was the Christ that was expressed was affiliated with one particular political party. Let’s face it, it’s as if Jesus was a Republican. After a disaster these people would appear on the television screen and do what I call reverse prophecy. That is to say, in the aftermath of such an occurrence, they would let the world know why it happened, for the most part because of the sin of a particular city, state or country. What city, state or country where a natural catastrophe happens is going to be free of sin? I think these voices would be much more credible if they tell us before something happens, when, where and way, and how, then it people might listen. But to come out in the aftermath of some disaster and appear to be pleased that ‘they’ got what they deserved, is so disheartening and so unlike the heart of Christ, in my opinion.

So we, evangelical Christians, got the visibility we wanted and we blew it. For the most part we, and yes, I say we, because people in general see Christians through the images they have seen on television. Of course they also have formed their opinions from knowing and interacting with Christians in day to day life. They appear to have a difficult time with the fact that in many cases we don’t walk what we talk.

But even with these negative view points held by a large percentage of people in our society, there is another study that indicates that these same people, who have a negative view of evangelical Christian, would be open to and willing to have a discussion or dialogue with a Christian; a dialogue that would not have their belief system ignored and glossed over while we wait for our chance to 'preach the gospel' to them. If we communicate in ways that they don't understand, what good does that do? Are we afraid to listen, to look at things from a different perspective? Could we be afraid that our faith may be influenced? Or is it that we just aren't interested in people. If that’s the case, I think people will pick up on that. Todd used a phrase, 'Anchored to the rock and geared for our times’. It's not a matter of abandoning our beliefs at all; it is learning the language so we can clearly communicate the message we have and have it be understood. At that point a person may still reject it, but at least they understood what you were saying.

One of the other things that Todd pointed out was regarding the way we see people. Do we really care about that person? Do we really want to understand what they believe? Are we even willing to take the time to listen and understand them? Do we care about them because they are created in the image of God, or do they represent another scalp on our belt? I am really not trying to be cynical here. I am just reacting to what I have seen and known to be true.

What Todd did was put it into a context so it is more clearly seen. Is the goal to communicate or simply preach? One of the examples Todd gave was of a person having a favorite spot they fish in, but because conditions change, the fish relocate, yet the fisherman is unyielding and stays in the same place waiting for the fish to come back to where he is. I wonder sometimes if we lose sight of the goal. John Wimber used to talk about 'doing what the Father was doing' in reference to Jesus ministry model. Jesus said he was on his Father’s business and that he restricted himself to do only what the Father is doing. I'm always asking myself what the Father is doing in any situation and if I need to be on standby. Other than that, I try to love people because God does. How can we not love what we believe God created?

So the weekend with Todd was stimulating and thought-provoking. I think it helped us see the current picture more clearly, and we were certainly struck by the challenges we face today in making Christ known to the world in which we live.

Friendship

I recently had a friend step down from ministry.  I don't argue the fact that those in ministry fail from time to time and need to be removed or step back from ministry. What I will argue is the process, in way too many cases, is utterly and completely flawed. This situation made me think about relationships and friendship in particular and what it means to be a friend.

There are many levels of friendship, casual acquaintances, life long friendships, new friends and deep personal relationship where there is transparency and natural accountability. I'll just deal with the two that are in my opinion the most important.
First of all, I am going to talk about lifelong relationship, ones that are 30 years old or longer. These friendships are just wonderful, so rich, so rewarding. Just the fact that you hang on and stick it out together is great in itself. But its more than that, in these relationships, you don't have to say everything in a precise and detailed way. You know each other and can laugh about some your faults and foibles. You have so much history there is always something to talk about and more than likely you have to be careful not to gossip. In these relationships you know you can make a call and this person or persons will do whatever they can to assist you or walk through a difficult time with you. If you have known each other this long, then you know lots of people in common and it's always interesting to see how various journeys unfold. Without a doubt you have experience great difficulties and challenges, probably great loses together. How sweet it is to have someone around who understands. I have a handful of these and they have played an important part in my life, helping me to continue, helping me to keep things in perspective, helping me to laugh in spite of the pain.

Another type of friendship, is one that goes even deeper and comprises a very small group of people. These are the people who love you up close and personal. Who stand with you when you are falling down. These people are willing to wound you so you may be healed. They will speak the truth in love, they will not judge or condemn, but they won't co sponsor your B.S. either.

I recently told a friend that I would stick with him, even if it meant sitting next to him on a street corner with a work for food sign. So many relationships in the world are conditional or utilitarian. If things are going well and you are in the zone of success, there are people around. If you are serving a purpose, can be used for some purpose, when the work is done, so are you.

Years ago when I resigned from my position at a church as Senior Pastor, I had some close friends say, 'now you're going to find out who your friends are', boy were they right. All of a sudden people who you knew for years, traveled with, ate with, laughed with, cried with just disappear, they no longer call nor return phone calls, it is really something to behold. I remember so clearly one day walking into a Starbuck's, and coming out the door was a man I had recently been to England with, on a great ministry trip, I greeted him and he simply walked right by me close enough to touch, and didn't speak to me. Some argue that these are the people who feel betrayed by you or hurt by you, OK I'll give you a little tip of the hat on that one, but the hurt that you and I may feel is nothing comparison of the family members.

I have been blogging about a friend of mine who has failed as a pastor and leader, I don't feel personally hurt by this, he didn't do anything to me, I don't feel betrayed by this that is ridiculous. His family is the one that has truly suffered and truly been hurt, the fact most of us are outside looking in these situations. What I found that almost every letter I received was kind and compassionate, an completely supportive. I think sadness is a better word than hurt, unless you were directly affected by the person.

Am I disappointed in my friend? Yes. Am I going to cut him off or abandon him, like so many have seemed to do. I call him every day, I get together with him, I am helping him in every way I know how. Am I doing something noble? NO, it is what friends do. Is he repentant? How and heck do I know that! I'm not God and that's the point, you can't know a persons heart, 'the sinner' usually doesn't know whether they are repentant for quite some time.
By the way if you know of someone in leadership and you are assuming that they are being cared for, don't! We the church, don't major in the 'restore such a one gently part' of things, so don't assume your pastor or leader is being cared for, more than likely they're not. If you are concerned reach out to them directly to make sure that they are okay.
You know what? I have been 'known and loved' by this person, and he is simply reaping what he has sown.

This kind of friendship is not based on performance or usefulness, but rather love and understanding. They as friends they endure the good and bad times because they are not measuring the relationship by conditional standards. You will never have many of these kinds of friends, most of us are lucky if we have one. I know this, I have more than I deserve and they heal me, they help me, they love me, in all my humanness. They can never love me like Jesus but they can be awesome representatives of Him in my life and they are. They help me to experience the Incarnate Christ here on earth.   These kind of friends, don't support or put up with your nonsense, but they don't leave when you can't hear or listen to what they are saying. They are patient, kind, caring and will kick the crap out of you if need be. I love/hate those friends! But I'm glad I have them and cherish them as much as anything in this life.

Who are your friends?

Random thoughts

I'll comment more on the stuff I have written regarding how the church handles failure of its members and in particular its leaders......man we are harsh....there are a couple things I need to listen to and read first....so for now just some thoughts on the last couple weeks...they have been tough...not on me so much...but on the lives of people I know....therefore it has impacted me rather deeply......first of all a friend of mine who has been in ministry for over a couple decades has stepped out of ministry and is going through a very difficult time......there is no doubt he needed to and has acted in ways that have hurt others.....but it always seems the response to that is to step back from the person, rather than embrace the person in their brokenness and sin......friends quit calling....people avoid contact and so the broken person who needs healing and ministry is left to fend for themselves........what a shame......I know this I am going to be his friend even when he acts like a dumb ass....what kind of friendship is it when someone fails...we abandon and cut off...if a person is a friend, aren't they always your friend, when they are acting good and when they are acting bad.....just some thoughts.....on top of this a young lady that I know took her own life...she was 35.......evidently felt so hopeless and was filled with such despair and confusion she decided she didn't want to live any more..........OUCH.......she had no interest in God whatsoever and no interest in church......yet when I think about her choice to end her life....evidently because she was miserable.......what could it have hurt to investigate Jesus, to hang out with a community of faith.........she would have experienced love, affirmation, acceptance....at least with the people I hang out with....I know she would have.......I led a service for her at a Wine Bar.....frankly a place I think Jesus would have been comfortable ...in fact I'm thinking he would have been more comfortable there, then at some of the churches that exist today......sorry........what do you say in such a circumstance? well God gave me grace and favor......in the end I shared about what's really important....what's the most important thing?
Loving God and loving one another.........told them about the story of the 'expert in the law' who sought to 'test Jesus'........so he asked him which is the most important commandment....and Jesus wouldn't answer....he asked him....what do you think it is? .....the man answered...to love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind.......Jesus said 'you are right and the second is like it....love your neighbor as your self....go and live ' Not to bad an idea for me or you...love God, love others...Go and live!

How about some solutions...

In a previous blog, I articulated what I think the problems with the response to the failure of leaders in the church, so I feel I'm obligated to offer some solutions or suggestions on how things should be handled. My ex, whom I am still close to and speak with often, thinks I'm the right person to do this because of what we experienced in the church, and I agree. 

Galatians 6
1BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.2Bear (endure, carry) one an other's burdens and ^[a]troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete ^[b]what is lacking [in your obedience to it].
I'll point to a couple other text, there aren't many by the way, to give us some guidelines for dealing with the fallen.

In this text it clearly indicates that people will succumb to sin, be overtaken, fall, blow it, take your choice. The question is what should our response be? First, let me articulate what the response all too often is: Anger, retribution, punishment, gossip, general ill will, cutting the person off.   I do make room for and know that very good and sincere people trying to do the right thing for some reason don't, maybe we rush things.

First of all, you may take issue with gossip being included in this list, after all you are only talking about something someone actually did. I have heard gossip defined this way: It is telling someone something about someone else that they don't need to know. It's not a matter of whether it is true or not; Is it your business? Is it the business of the person you are telling? Does it promote restoration and healing? I think not.

Feelings of anger and a sense of betrayal are normal, but those feelings don't justify in sinning in your anger. Acting in ways that will harm the one who has sinned, making the task of restoration more difficult than it already is. Betrayal? Maybe, but maybe not. I can't think of a single instance in which someone that I am familiar with has fallen that there haven't been signs along the way. One of the most common things I hear from people in the aftermath of a person falling is, " I knew there was something wrong", " I've been seeing things for quite some time" or comments like that. My question always is  Did you say something to the person? What did you do to try and help or stop this person from going down this destructive path? All to often the answer is, 'no I was afraid they would be angry with me' 'no I thought someone else was talking to him/her' Matthew 18 say, 'If YOU see someone in sin, go to them..' No it's not easy and with leaders it's down right scary, but if we really care about people we can't wait until they crash and burn and then stand over their mangled life acting shocked and betrayed, when we 'knew something was wrong.' It is not an easy thing to do, but its the right thing to do.

I won't go deeply into this, but when I was in trouble and struggling, it was hard not to notice; in fact it was blatant and obvious that I wasn't making it. At one point at my home with my wife sitting there, I confessed that I felt that I had disqualified myself as an elder in the church. I have no idea what those folks heard, but none of them said a word to me at that time or afterwards, so I was surprised when they said they were shocked when I finally hit the dust.
Would it have been hard to confront me?  Absolutely!   I had all the power structurally and in that church system really didn't have to be accountable.

So what should happen in these situations? First of all, it would be great if something happens before the person falls, if we would develop structures that allow for accountability. Any system where the leader is 'king' is a dangerous system. We need to respect our leaders, but they shouldn't be given so much structural authority that they don't have to account for their behaviors. That would mean if a person is acting out in ways that give rise to concern, those concerns can be addressed in a open and fair context where the confronting person can't just be blown off or fears repercussions.

Another thing that would be preventative would be to take our responsibility to protect one another and care for each other more seriously. If you are in a system that facilities 'kingship' or autocratic leadership models, one in which you are not allowed to ask honest and fair questions, then 'run Forrest run'! If you're in a system that is not open and is secretive and dismissive of sincere and fair scrutiny, I would think of disconnecting. Those systems facilitate or support leaders acting with autonomy and no one needs that kind of latitude. We all have the potential to fail and if we are allowed to isolate and disconnect from the community, the chances are we will.

So if a leader fails, what should we do?
I'll just give a few principles that I think will be helpful.

1. Have a written plan in place that is based on biblical principles to guide your church through the process. I think almost every business and city in the State of California has an emergency plan in place in case of an earthquake. It's not a matter of if there will be an earthquake, it's a matter of when. These situations are like 'spiritual earthquakes'; they rock everyone's world and knock everyone off balance.   And the closer you are to the epicenter, the more damage there is.   In the case of churches, it is usually the Board and staff who are closest to the epicenter and have a very difficult time staying objective and balanced in their approach, yet they are in most cases given the assignment of dealing with the problem. It is very difficult to be even and to not react in anger to the failings of someone they are close to and in many cases they act in punitive ways, of which there is no biblical mandate for doing so. The mandate is healing and restoration, not punishment and retribution. So a document guiding us through the process is something that would be a benefit to all involved. The person who sins needs to be protected believe it or not, and so does the community.

2. Don't be afraid to get outside help. You will not be the first community to go through this situation.  There are others that have and have developed approaches that can be a help to you. One that comes to mind is the Foursquare denomination. It seems to me that they handle these things well.

3. Deal with the situation as a community of faith, not a cooperation! Most non-profits are Incorporated in their States and have by-laws which they are to govern by. No problem, use those as guidelines, but use the scriptures as the primary source of handling the situation.
The people should know there is a problem and in general what the problem is. They don't need to know every gruesome detail. They think they need to, they demand to, but in most cases that does nothing to promote healing and restoration. It's kind of like someone going into surgery, 'were taking him in, we'll be operating on his heart and will give you updates along the way.' It's not a matter of hiding anything, if the long term desire is for restoration and healing, you don't want to add to the condition of the person by exposing and shaming the person publicly.

4. Whenever possible let the person who has fallen remain in the community where they have failed. Yes, it would be awkward at first and uncomfortable, but over time it makes it clear that the person hasn't been cut off and exiled. It also is a clear indicator of the persons willingness to own their sin and walk in humility in relationship with their family. That's what we say we are, a family, but we act like anything but family when dealing with these situations. Do we cast adrift our children when they fail? Our brothers or sisters? We don't pretend the person hasn't failed, but we can walk through it with them, allowing them to experience the consequence of their failure, but we don't add to that consequence by failing to love them.

5. Celebrate together the recovery and victory together. I could be wrong about this, but one of my fantasies has always been of my wife and I completing the process that was set up for us, which we did.   And with us being present with our church community, and it being announced and celebrated in the church as a victory for Jesus. I cannot imagine the rank and file folks who made up the congregation not standing up and cheering, praising God. I don't say this with one ounce of bitterness, but I think feeling cut off from the church we had been part of for 20  years  was harmful to us, and to some degree undermined our ability to fully recover.  It was unfortunate. We lived and we are both doing fine now, but I think that would have been a good and pleasing thing to the Lord.

Sorry for using myself as an example, but I have gone through this and since then have continued to watch others go through it and we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
I'd like to see us do it God's way somewhere, sometime, it happens to far and few between in my opinion.
I would love to hear from you on this.  I would love you to pass this along to others. I would love for the church act its best in one of these situations not the worst.

Just as a footnote, I always hear as a justification for treating someone harshly is due to the nature of their sin.  Although I'm sure there are circumstances in which that needs to be in some way considered, that doesn't seem to be part of the criteria of what Paul lays out for us in Galatians 6 or anywhere else we see these issues dealt with in the NT, except the unrepentant man in Corinthians, who was set aside, but then Paul later had to plead with the church to let him back in once he repented!

It Blows My Mind Pt. 2

I have written on this subject before, but not to the degree that I will now. I am going to share my thoughts on how the church handles the failures of its members,  particularly its leaders.

You can consider me bias if you wish and therefore invalidate what I am communicating, or you can consider me experienced and knowledgeable, or you can simply read what I write here and argue with it, or lend your support to it; it certainly makes for a good discussion.

Let me write up front that I know  not every church system handles things poorly every time, but, in my opinion, too many do most of the time.   The movement that I was involved with is notorious for its lack of success in dealing with failure by its members, as are many other evangelical churches, to say nothing of the mess the Catholic church created for itself by going to the other extreme and shielding sexual predators from the repercussions of their transgressions.

Here is what I have seen happen and continue to see go on, much to the shame of the Body of Christ. All too often the response to one's failure is shock and dismay, followed by punitive actions.   All too often every good thing a person has done for decades is wiped away by minutes, days, months of actions.   Rarely is it considered that the price a person has paid for serving for years and years, constantly being called upon to give, sacrifice and serve, might contribute to a person's failure. The complicity of the congregation's demands and insatiable desire to be feed, cared for and served are rarely taken into consideration. All too often the colleagues who serve with such a person (the staff), or the Boards who work with them are relieved of any accountability or responsibility for a person's failure. It's at this point Paul's words regarding 'when one part of the body hurts we all hurt' is thrown out the window.

Don't even think I am trying to justify sinful and hurtful actions, but the absolutely only time we see in the New Testament a person 'set aside' is in the case of an unrepentant person,
who was 'turned over to Satan for the destruction of their sinful nature', and then of course the church had to be confronted about allowing this person back in once he repented.   There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in scripture that gives us the right to punish one who fails. Yet that is what we do and somehow some way justify by pointing to what the person has done. I'm sorry where do you find that? In Galatians Paul states that 'When someone in caught in sin', it doesn't say what sin;  it doesn't say how that sin has affected you emotionally; it doesn't say only do so if you are not feeling hurt, disappointed or disillusioned! It says to restore such a one gently and to be careful not to fall into temptation.   And what temptation might that be? To judge? To exact revenge? To treat a person harshly?

Years ago I observed the failure of a prominent minister that I was both familiar with through his radio ministry and my occasional attendance at his church. It was very clear even to my 12- year- old daughter that this man was distant, arrogant and filled with pride. Yet he was treated like a celebrity by all those who served around him.   His Board failed to hold him to account. His staff was fearful of him and therefore failed to be honest with him and his congregation adored him.  I'm sorry, but is fear of a leader justification for  Board members to acquiesce and literally vote for something they are against?  Does the fact that the Pastor will get angry with them justify their abdication of their responsibility to the congregation?  Sorry, but if you are not man or woman enough to hold to your convictions and not violate your conscience, then resign right now. Don't wait until the person who was leading lay bleeding on the ground to walk by and kick them when you very well may have contributed to their failure.

When a leader fails or for that matter when a member of the body of Christ fails, do they do so in complete and total isolation. Do you know how many times I have heard after the fact ' well I knew there was something wrong....' Really? Ever read Matthew 18...if YOU see someone in sin GO TO HIM...

I have a friend, I have mentioned before.  He has failed, screwed up, sinned, whatever you want to call it. For decades he has been known as a man of character, generous, faithful, you name it.
In a matter of months he has taken a nosedive, and hasn't been doing well at all. So do those few months wipe out decades of faithful service?  In the church it certainly does.  People back away like someone has a communicable decease. All the while justifying their lack of support, help, care, concern and graciousness as a result of their shock, their disappointment, the sense of betrayal they feel towards this person.   Baloney! I cannot think of any justification for such actions. Before the Lord, what if your life, your actions, your heart were exposed to the glaring lights?  Could you cast the first stone? Have you ever considered the fact that if someone has served for decades, has been faithful and without disqualifying faults and now they have messed up, that there is something terribly wrong, that they are not acting like themselves. Wouldn't it be something if we recognized the fact that they have failed, they have sinned, and we need to come to their aid? That we need to protect them and take care of them? What if Jesus treated us like we treat our brothers and sisters who have sinned? We'd all be going to hell as far as I can tell.

What I have seen so often in these situations is the person who has sinned loses much, if not all of what they have--- their reputation, their livelihood, their families, their position and their place,  and then we want more! I'm thinking when that has happened, a person has clearly reaped what they sowed; there is no bases for adding to their consequence, none whatsoever.

Wouldn't if be something if one time in one place a church would stand with 'the brother who sinned'  that we would walk through the muck and the mess that they have made.   That we would act with compassion, grace and mercy, seeking to bring restoration and healing to the person. Wouldn't it be something if we embraced the person in the stench of their sin, loving them without condition, nursing them back to health and protecting them from further attack.

I listen to the talk, I watch the actions, I hear the reasoning and justifications for abandoning the person who has failed and it makes me sick.

I hope and pray in my lifetime that I see the church act like a body, a family, a loving community in the face of someone's failure. I pray that somewhere, sometime that we will 'be imitators of Christ and walk in love, as beloved children.' Amen

Note: Do I seem angry? You got it I am....let me know if you think I am sinning in my anger.  I've reviewed this and I don't think so.

Communicating the Gospel in a Christless Culture

This weekend my friend Todd Hunter will be sharing with our church (faithcommunitychurch.us) about the state of our culture as it relates to communicating the Gospel. Anyone who has been a Christian for a while and desires to share the 'hope that we have within' knows how difficult it is to dialogue with those outside of the faith. The combination of secularism, relativism and pluralism have had a major impact on the ability interact with others regarding faith.
Todd has been traveling the world that last several years, listening, watching and learning in regards to this whole arena and I think his insights will be a great help to those who desire to communicate the Gospel. On top of that it will be great to hang out with an old friend with whom I have shared so many incredible experiences. I'll report back after the weekend and share some of his insights. You can learn more about Todd at toddhunter.net .

Andy Park in the House

I'm sitting at the church listening to Andy Park do a sound check.  He's leading a night of worship tonight and at our service tomorrow.
I am always moved when he leads; there is so much content in the songs he sings and it always causes me to connect in a special way for some reason.
I don't really have much to say about it, just that I am blessed and thankful once again for those with the gift and anointing to lead worship.   I think regarding myself, I take it for granted, but when I am able to experience it, I realize how blessed and powerful it is.

Hype and The Holy Spirit

Many years ago, I was part of a revival of sorts, we wouldn't have called it a revival, we really didn't have a term for it, but the presence of the Lord as we gathered was evident and beautiful.
Eventually a group of people who had been involved in church and ministry for years were rediscovering their 'first love', it was a remarkable time.
Eventually this group was released to start a church albeit reluctantly by the mother church, we went with a blessing.
This was not something you could have identified as being Pentecostal or charismatic although it certainly draw people of those backgrounds, but it wasn't our background, we were basically conservative Evangelicals who were being touched by the Holy Spirit.
The fact is we believed in the modern day work and ministry of the Holy Spirit, we didn't believe the gifts had died out with the closing of the Canon, but up to that point we hadn't seen any model that resonated with us. It's interesting thinking about growing up in the evangelical part of the church, you never read about any miracles or virtually anything supernatural, it was as if those things no longer happened.

We visited Charismatic and Pentecostal meetings and simply could not embrace the theatrics and the hyperbole that were characteristic of these gatherings. Our leader was John Wimber, John looked at the current models and was determined to embrace the work and ministry of the Holy Spirit but not the hype. As we continued to gather and grow, a new model for ministry emerged that was very different from what we had seen on Television or in the meeting we had attended. There was never a time John made an entrance to crescendoing music with an entourage in his wake. John didn't platform ministry, but allowed for the ministry to take place right where people were seated or they were invited into a side room to receive ministry from one of dozens of lay people who were willing to trust God to use them in this kind of ministry. There were never any prayer lines, where people lined up to be prayed for by a specific anointed minister. There was a clear effort to protect the dignity of the individual and not exploit them for the purpose of stirring up the crowd. No slaying in the spirit, or claiming a healing or deliverance, things were 'dialed' down and religiousness was discouraged. What I mean by religiousness is changing character, voices and language, people were encourage to just be who they were and let God be who He is. Prophecy, what we would call simple prophecy was not only allowed but encouraged at every service. By simple prophecy I mean words of comfort, exhortation and edification, 'thus sayeth the Lord's' were discouraged and it was even suggested that you might begin your 'prophecy' with the disclaimer, 'I think the Lord may be saying this to us today' again in plan and simple language.
I write about all this because I have been thinking about that period of time and contrasting it to what I hear about, read about and see today. The fact is what I see today isn't any different than what I was first exposed to 30 years ago, except for with the Internet word gets out faster to more people. I am asked by friends what I think of the latest 'hot spot' and my only response is 'it is what it is'. That doesn't mean I accept or reject these things out of hand, for the most part these things don't catch my interest, I don't see or hear anything different than I have heard for years. Another thing that factors in for me is the fact that I have watched some people go to every new place where 'the Holy Spirit is moving', and in almost every case there is no discernible long lasting difference in the lives of these people. Especially when I contrast them with the lives of people I know who haven't attended a single meeting and are as spiritually mature as any of these people and in some cases more so. So do I believe God isn't doing anything or that the Holy Spirit isn't moving? I am convinced at many times and many places He is, but more importantly the people who attend believe He is and I believe their faith is engaged and rewarded.
All that said I believe to this day that the model and methods that John helped to shape and implement in the years gone by was a wonderful approach to ministry. It was much easier to discern then between what was actually happening to person, whether God was doing something or whether the person was in some way acting out to draw attention to themselves.
I simply believe that we don't need to add anything to what God is doing, the music doesn't need to change, the lighting and the mood don't need to be set, no extravagant claims or proclamations, when God is working and doing something in the midst of His people, that is sufficient, in my opinion.

Raised by wolves.....

In telling my story I often state that 'I was raised by wolves'. Not exactly the truth in that I really did have a mother and father, so to speak, but in reality I raised myself, not a good idea by the way. When I say that what I mean is I never was 'raised', never given an explanation, never given any direction, never coached or assisted in the things of life. It just all unfolded and you just figured it out as best you could, which again isn't such a good idea. Frankly with the exception of when I was four years old or so, I don't remember being disciplined or corrected and re-directed. God bless my mother; she didn't know what and heck to do with me. It was all she could do to keep a roof over our head and some semblance of food in the apartment.  My 'dad' wasn't around, although he always lived close by when I was growing up, I didn't see him all that much, which I didn't really miss, or at least I didn't think so. I certainly missed not having a dad, a father, no doubt.   I'm not sure that this particular one needed to be around any more than he was, that might not have been such a good thing, I'm pretty sure of that.

As I look back, I realize there was never anyone in my life to, well, teach me about life. How to handle money, education, relationship, how to be a husband, a father, things of that nature. So I had to figure it out as I went, of course I read the books, went to the seminars and such, but as a friend of mine once said, 'more is caught than taught', in other words having a role model is pretty important.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, yesterday was 'Fathers Day' and it caused me to reflect on my life as a father. Although I could beat myself half to death over whether or not I have been the father I should have or could have been, there is no doubt the answer to those questions is, yes. But did I move the needle, did I put some distance between myself and the upbringing that I experienced?   Whew, thank God the answer is, yes!   I cannot think of a time that I haven't been supportive and affirming of my children in what they were either doing or wanted to do. I have always, sometimes to their chagrin have expressed my love and affection for my children. When I'm dead and gone and they think back on their father, I think they will reflect on this fact with fondness and gratitude.

There is no doubt that I could have and should have done better, but frankly I simply didn't know how to.   I figured things out as best I could,  and I think I got the most important thing right, loving them without conditions, affirming them whether I agreed with their path or not, supporting them as best I could in all that I could.

Will I get the Father of the Year Award, probably not. But did I put some serious distance between myself and the 'upbringing' I experienced, I think so.

Answer to some questions

I have had a couple comments to the last blog about the church that I want to answer.   One was in a comment by Keith that I inadvertently rejected for posting instead of accepting, sorry Keith I tried to undo the damage but couldn't pull it off.

Keith asked what kind of government is safe? I think that's a good question and one you should consider before becoming part of a church. What is their system of government? Is it open and transparent? Who is accountable to whom? What is their plan for handling failure?
Of course there are systems of every shape and size out there, some better than others.  It is important to have a clear plan in place for failure or wrongdoing.  Is the structure for dealing with these things, corporate in it's nature or community based and relational?

I will give you and example of the church that I am involved in as one structure that seems to be good and works. Our church has a Board, Elders and Pastoral Team. The Board deals with facility and finances, but has no authority in spiritual matters. Therefore if one of the leaders in the church, especially a pastor, should fail, it is not in their hands to determine what is to be done.    The Elders would deal with anything of that nature and are guided by the scriptures as to go about this, with an emphasis on restoration and resisting the temptation to judge or hand out punishment, which is by far and away the norm. They are to do this in an open and compassionate way, one that is a benefit to the entire community of faith, which is what we are by the way.

In the story I tell in my previous blog, those who are 'dealing' with my friend, whom by the way they accuse of no wrong doing, yet treat him like an unrepentant sinner, you can't point to anything they are doing in an open, compassionate or beneficial way to the community of faith there. Probably for the most part because you have the wrong people with the wrong skills, gifts and mandate to handle the situation.   So the system in our church has for lack of a better term some checks and balances in it. For example, let's say the Elders deal with a situation and conclude it is best for the 'leader' to step down or back from ministry. Yet they come up with an outlandish financial 'package' for this person. The Board can reject it based on the impact and effect it would have on the church as a whole. The elders and pastors can make a recommendation to the Board regarding a situation, but the Board has to make its decision based on this counsel and their knowledge of the churches situation financially as well as the church By Laws.

Also in our system the Pastors have no control of the finances and cannot write checks. We don't have credit cards and have no vote on financial matters. That can make things a little cumbersome at times, but it protects the church and protects the pastor. There are many, many churches that allow the pastor to have way too much control of the financial matters of the church and it's a system that is riff with pitfalls in my opinion.

There are lots of ways to do church and to set up church systems.  It's not hard to find legitimate models for doing this.  There is no need to reinvent the wheel. The system should be characterized by transparency, accountability, justice and community, among others things.
The system I came out of is characterized by secrecy and virtually a complete lack of accountability, yet it is accepted and goes unquestioned by those who are members of it.  It is stunning to me  that so many people are apathetic as to how their church or denomination is run. I just don't get that and I hope for the sake of the body of Christ it changes.

It Blows My Mind!

I love the church.   I believe in the church.   I believe the church will survive and will continue to express Gods purpose and plans for the world. That said, it's absolutely amazing that this is true. The church is so fragmented, so divided, so eclectic and sometimes just plan dumb. Case in point;  I have a friend who planted a church over 10 years ago and has gone through some difficult times lately. People around him expressed concern for him and the Board gave him a year's sabbatical, with the purpose of him being able to rest and recoup. The problem is they have handled it just like a Board and not a community of faith. He was notified via an email of this decision and its 'requirements', a couple of which were amazing. He is not to step foot on the property, nor attend services there. I know that could be explained as not wanting him to engage.  If that was the case, don't send that in an email; dialogue with the man so he can catch your spirit. 

When I read the letter from the Board, it felt punitive and like a banishment, not an act of love and concern. It is simply not right for us not to talk to one another and meet face to face, to argue, cry, laugh;  whatever needs to happen, it needs to happen together. What it seems like to me is there are people who have issues with my friend and they don't have the courage to express those to his face, so under the cover of a Board decision, based on private discussions, edicts are handed down. 'Hey buddy we're really concerned about you and we really want to see you rest and healed up, just don't do it with us!' The the community of faith where a person is called and has ministered for over a decade, isn't the right place to fellowship, worship and experience healing. It just blows my mind......more later.

Random thoughts

I've been writing a lot of articles of late rather than things that are personal, so I thought I'd take a moment to throw out some thoughts, not all of which will be related to one another.
The Church: A place to get hurt, a place to get healed. It can be the worst experience and it can be the best experience.
Salvation: Why is it that in coming to Christ we freely and fully admit that we have 'fallen short', that we have no righteousness of our own, that we are totally dependant upon the grace and mercy of God, then we seem to spend the rest of our lives trying to prove that is no longer true. What is it about 'glorying in our weakness' that is so disgusting to us and hard for us to accept, remaining just as dependant on Christ for our sanctification as we are for our justification? Just curious.
Church Discipline: As far as I can tell there are about 4 or 5 texts that deal even remotely to this thing called 'church discipline'. Matt 18, Galatians 6, I Timothy 5, 1 Corinthians 5, with the exception of the situation in Corinthians where Paul specifically tells them to 'cast out the immoral' brother, only to have to tell them later to receive the repentant brother back, none of these hint at anything punitive. Someone somewhere coined the phrase 'church discipline', but it would be better rendered 'church punishment' according to how it's handled. Hmmm this deserves a whole blog........but, I do think it's curious that we NEVER see a Pastor/Leader/Elder 'disciplined for pride, greed, gossip, malicious talk or selfish ambition, plenty of which is on display throughout the church today, I'm pretty sure the Bible clearly describes these as sins that are grievous and harmful, way are these left off the list of offenses that are commonly 'disciplined'? Just curious.....oh well that's all for now....the old guys tired.

Worship as a way of life

In the past I have written about the ‘essence of worship’, that is the fundamental substance of worship, what the ingredients are that make worship,worship.

I proposed that faith, truth and intimacy are absolutely necessary to our worship experience. The fact is worship is a subject that volumes have been written about. When I began leading and teaching on worship in the late 70’s there was very little written about the popular style of worship that has now emerged and is sweeping the earth. Today it’s virtually become and industry and without a doubt has been commercialized. I’m not going to address that in this column, my point is worship is an area that has captured the attention and interest of millions and can be explored extensively.

Therefore, any column, article, book or message given on the subject to one degree or another will fail to address all the issues related to this subject. I lay all this out as a backdrop to my column on ‘Worship As A Way Of Life’, I confess up front I’m just scratching the surface and in no way can exhaust the subject here, that said hopefully it will serve to encourage you and edify your worship life and experience.

Over the past three decades, worship has become a very hot topic and an area that has emerged as an essential part of almost every expression of our faith. Baptist, Pentecostal, Methodist, Catholic, Presbyterian, you name it in almost every case ‘modern’, ‘contemporary’, ‘emergent’ worship has taken root and has influenced the way we ‘do church’. Churches look different and sound different than they did 30 years ago and in my opinion it’s for the better. All of the afore mentioned points to the outward expressions of worship. But more important than what is happening on the outside is what is happening inside. It is essential that our outward expressions be consistent with an inward reality. We know that Jesus said ‘we must worship in spirit and truth’, (Jo.4:24) in rebuking the Pharisees, Jesus said, ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain: their teachings are but rules made by men” (Matt. 15:8)

What is expressed in worship outwardly must be heart connected. If not, we can bow low, dance, lift our hands and it is nothing more than a religious exercise.

Worship as a way of life is expressed in the person who cares more about what God desires than what people think.

The ultimate expression of worship is the life that is fully devoted to the will of God. When we seek justice, stand in defense of the defenseless, care for the poor, minister to the imprisoned, care for and protect our children, we are expressing worship at the highest level. When we do this worship has goes from reciting liturgy, singing songs and looking into God’s word, to being responsive to his Word and obeying His commands. True worship and devotion affects everything and goes beyond the confines of our ‘worship services’, service flows from worship.

When we gather for worship we should experience the power and presence of God, having our hearts warmed and our lives filled. From this fullness we freely and generously give out of the abundance that has been given us, that all may worship and give God glory.

Worship and Expectancy

In his classic book, A Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster states:

“To worship is to experience reality, to touch life. It is to know, to feel, to experience the resurrected Christ in the midst of the gathered community. It is to break into the Shekinah off God, or better yet, being invaded by the Shekinah of God.”

That’s some pretty profound stuff! First of all let me define Shekinah. Shekinah denotes the presence of God, as opposed to a God who is abstract, aloof or virtually theoretical.

It would be my educated guess that for the majority of us who gather together on a regular bases to worship, there would be a lack of focus and expectancy when we come to worship. The process of getting the family ready for church alone is enough to knock us off balance and keep us from entering into worship with a faith filled heart.

I think it would be safe to say that virtually everything in life conspires against an ability to rest in Christ, to sit at His feet, to depend on Him for everything. It is easy for us to be distracted, lacking focus.

How often do we get up on a Sunday morning and feel an excitement and anticipation regarding the worship service? How often do we realize that in the gathering of the community of faith there is the promise of God’s presence and its power touch and transform our lives? We all know that having a quiet time or devotional time is an important part of our walk with God. But it is in the gathering together with others that Jesus promises to be in our midst. Jesus said ‘Where two or more are gather in my name, there I will be in the midst of them.’ So every time we gather together with other believers we have the promise of the presence of God. I think that experience is intensified when we gather together to praise and worship God in the corporate gatherings. Singing songs and lifting our hearts to God in faith. There is something very special when we gather corporately, the dynamic is different.

The dynamic changes even more when we gather with expectancy, with faith, believing that God rewards those who seek him. The Bible says, ‘Without faith it’s impossible to please God.’ Conversely if we gather with faith we can be assured that God is pleased. How incredible is that, that we can be pleasing to God in our worship.

The truth is when we gather to worship; we disengage from the reality of this world and its cares and burdens, allowing us to engage with the reality of God and His kingdom.

I would encourage you to come to worship with expectancy, ready to meet with God, ready to bless Him. In doing so I believe you will truly be blessed.

I can sleep....most the time

I'm sitting here, up at 12:30AM, a very rare occurance, thinking about a time it wasn't so rare.
For a long time I would have sleepless nights, which led to fear of more sleepless nights. Now it's the exception, something that happens to everyone from time to time. Nothing to worry about or get anxious over, cool.
I have a tendancy to be very hard on myself taking the blame for everything and anything in an effort to make peace with those who would point the finger and condemn. I don't feel that way any longer, I just don't care, I'm happy.
Do I wish things have happened differently? Yes! Would I like to have a relationship with those whom I came to love and admire over the years? Yes! Does it matter in the end if I do or I don't? Or if things happened differently? Not really. Things are the way they are, you have to deal with them, embrace them and continue to move forward.
It is much easier for some people to plow through the circumstances of their lives and move forward than others. We experience things and process things differently, that's just the way it is.
So what if it takes one person to come back from a hamstring injury less time than another? It takes what it takes, it's not a moral issue. One person is better, more spiritual or whatever because they overcome faster than another. Yet that is what we do so often, we turn issues that are not moral issues into issues of right and wrong, when in fact they may be neither.