Anyone who has ever experienced a tragedy has heard the phrase, 'time heals all wounds', when one is going through the pain and agony of the trials and tribulations of life it seems so trite and it is beyond ones imagination that something so simply stated could be possibly true. Emotional pain is deeply felt and so real it is hard to imagine it ever going away or lessening. It is difficult to believe that things will ever be okay again, let alone that things can one day even be better.
But for the most part I think it is true. The 'for the most part' is a qualifier, because there are some wounds that diminish in terms of the pain, but never, ever truly go away. I recently came across a tape of a memorial service that a friend of mine gave me of his sons funeral. His son Jeffery a friend of mine had died prior to the end of our senior year in High School of cancer. He died an agonizing and prolonged death. His father gave me this tape at least a 20 years after the death of his precious boy, yet the wounds remained. The pain was evident, the sorrow was something he would take to his grave. So there are always exceptions to any statement that attempts to explain in brief, something as complex as the death of a child, a murder of an innocent mother, the rape of a vulnerable and defenseless human being, a wayward child, or death of a marriage. I acknowledge this in an attempt to not belittle or invalidate the horrific experiences that people face that will never fully be healed in this lifetime.
That said, there are many experiences that we have in this life, when we are going through them feel we could never ever recover from the pain and devastation of these these events introduce to our life.
That said, there are many experiences that we have in this life, when we are going through them feel we could never ever recover from the pain and devastation of these these events introduce to our life.
The reality appears to be though that the pain does ease, the effects of the trauma wane and we somehow are able to move on in our lives. This is truly a gift from God. Many people turn to God in times of trouble, hoping that He will see them through the 'dark night of the soul', some don't. Whether one turns to God or not, the truth is time still heals and we do recover because our creator in His wisdom has made us in such a way that we do heal. I choose to give thanks to God for this wonderful ability, the ability to recover, to heal, to feel joy again. Of course when you are going through the difficulty it is close to impossible to believe or feel that this could be so. In fact when you are in the middle of your trial, it's hard to feel anything at all other than the pain. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are enveloped in utter darkness. One thing is almost certain, it isn't much of a help to the suffering one, to hear saying like, 'time heals all wounds', it also doesn't help much to hear stories about how you went through something horrible and made it through. For the most part people just to know that you are with them, you love them, you are not obligated to come up with something that will alleviate their pain and suffering. In most cases it's supposed to hurt! God created those feelings too. How do you lose a child and not feel your heart is being ripped from your chest? I don't understand how it works, I just know that if I didn't experience the pain that I have, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Having gone through it and come out on the other side, I am a more understanding, compassionate person.
Yes there is a time to say something but it's not when someone is filled with anguish and grief. My son recently took a nasty spill on his bike, hitting his forehead and getting some nasty asphalt burns, he was crying and very upset. The fact is when I saw him and heard his story, I got shooting pains down my legs, I felt so bad for him and simply comforted him. I didn't launch into a tirade on bike safety. Did we eventually talk about what happened and how to prevent it of course, but when he was bleeding and upset was not the time.
Being a Christian and for the most part spending the majority of time with the tribe, I have observed a real lack of compassion from those who have been the recipient of such and all encompassing compassion. We are so quick to lecture, to thoughtlessly throw out a Bible verse, I'm not against Bible verses, but they are not to be indiscrimately used as some sort of magical cure all. Christians who lack compassion scare me.
Time heals all wounds? Yes I believe it does and I believe it is a gift from God and the pain is a gift to, it makes us better people.
7 comments:
Only someone who has gone through the fire knows how much it can burn. I remember a fat man on his way to heaven once told me about leaders. He said never trust a leader who does not have a limp. I find myself, intentionally, looking for those who have "limps" in their walk with God...so I can limp alongside in confidence knowing they are more likely to know what it feels like to ache.
Well said message Carl.
~richard
Awesome word Carl.
Thanks guys, I hope it is helpful, I am working one something new right now, I hope you will give me feedback on that as well.
blessings,
carl
Carl, Thank you so much for this. I do believe that pain is given meaningfully to us by God. It is designed to do what precious little else will. Make us grow up. Many times in the past I have heard church leaders say things like "we need to listen to our youth". My question regarding this would be "Why"!! Speaking for myself, when I was a youth I was pretty stupid. Why would anybody want to hear anything I have to say? You need to ignore me.
But the problem here is that our youth don't really want to hear us. I believe the reason for this is that there is NOTHING worse than trying to listen to a 45 year old 18 year old who has refused to grow up. Pain is given to us meaningfully by God to make us change. To make us grow up. We are the only religion that weilds an instrument of torture as it's most visible focal point. It was on that cross that God gave us all the chance to be redeemed. It was gained with great pain. Any faith that does not take into account pain, (not wish it away) but embrace it is spiritually irellevant. God always remembers our name because it is written on the palm of His hand. And the tool it was written with is the nail from the cross He was tortured on.
Captain Kirk of the USS Interprise once said "I need my pain, My pain is what makes me who I am."
Carl,
Another great commentary on a difficult, yet real dilemna of life.
Some wounds heal and there is no lasting vestiges of them on your skin. Other wounds heal, but the scar (the reminder) remains for years and, sometimes, for the rest of our lives.
The story of your sons bike accident reminded me of a scar that I have on my knee from a bicycle mishap. I probably had many, many small scrapes and falls as I learned to ride, yet I only remember that ONE time. Why, because the scar remains as a reminder. I couldn't ride my bike for a while, until the wound and the stitches were healed a bit. But I eventually hopped back on a rode again.
In other traumas of life, I have had similar woundings. Some are still fresh and I am struggling with the healing. Others have been healed but the scars remain to remind me of the wounding. I have fallen down and got back on the "bike" many times. In fact, I am trying to get back on again right now and am struggling a bit. Yet, I know that He is faithful and He will be with me through it all. Then, just like my earthly Dad did, He will cheer me on when I ride off again.
Thanks Carl, your writings always encourage and spur me on to stay in the race.
Blessings,
Timothy
A few months after the 9/11 incident when I was working at a Red Cross fundraiser booth at a local event. I was out brousing around the other booths during my break. I came across a booth created by a textile guild. An older gentleman who I believe was head of the group was showing people the process of combing and spinning wool for weaving. We began talking about various subjects when I noticed a small tatoo on his arm. I have always been fan of tatooing but this tatoo was different and it sent a chill up my spine. At first it appeared to be a small scragly line across his forarm. On closer inspection I realized that line was numbers, just a straight line of numbers. I knew those numbers from history, I know that tatoo. I was talking to a survivor of a German World War 2 consentration camp. Looking at his age I would guess that he was a child around the time of that War. He was a victim of one of the most cruel acts against humanity in modern history. It is hard for me to see the pain he suffered as a "gift" from God but it does teach us the price of hatred and anger, and how we can prevent falling into the same trap as the German people did at that time and before WW2.
I would imagine he has pretty much healed from the wounds inflicted on him during that period but the scars can never go away.
Blessed Be,
Leslie-Ye Ol' Quaker Meadow Camper
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