I do not want to go down the path I have been on for a while, but simply want to highlight a characteristic that I have noticed in the church. We know that the Apostle Paul stated that he 'gloried in his weakness'. We know that in Romans 14 he encourages us to 'prefer the weaker brother' yet it doesn't seem to me that WE, I include myself in this, do this very well. We really like winners, we love 'success stories'; we like the strong, we only like hearing of failure in the aftermath of it, once someone is on the other side of failure and are reporting it as a past event. But embracing people, who have failed or never really succeeded, is something we don't really do.
In thinking about it for myself, I have thought of the challenge of loving someone who isn't winning, isn't overcoming, and doesn't have it together; it's not an easy thing to do. If I think about people I know who have been very successful, admired, well-liked, popular, all the good stuff, then they fail, and it is absolutely amazing to see how quickly all their admirers peel away. They no longer call. They no longer return phone calls. They no longer extend invitations to fellowship or just hang out, and it is really something.
I want to be the kind of person who sticks with someone who is no longer popular, or in good standing. I want to stay in contact with my friends throughout the ups and downs of their lives. That has been one of the great things about the Internet; so many people have contacted me and expressed encouragement and love. I have people contact me thanking me for things from the 70's and 80's and beyond; it is really nice and a great source of pleasure for me. Not just receiving encouragement, but being able to give it as well; sometimes just staying in contact, sometimes hearing of someone going through a tough patch and just letting them know I am thinking of them and praying for them. Sometimes I haven't met them, but I know of them through their ministry and they have impacted me.
Hopefully people don't get callous to this sort of thing. I know it always blesses me that someone would reach out to me now that I am not 'somebody'...don't worry I don't feel that or believe that today, but I know it's the way it works. I guess this comes back to the issues related to friendship and relationships that reflect a heart of compassion and true empathy. I just know experiencing it and watching others experience it causes me to doubt just how much we really 'glory in weakness', or how we see others as something other than 'the weaker brethren'. What is it in us as individuals and as communities of faith that allows for this sort of behavior? Embracing others in strength and success and then jettisoning when people fail to meet our expectations. It's almost as if a person ceases to exist if they no longer are visible or popular. I think that's a very sad thing.
The only way it will change is if we change as individuals and begin to see those who have been left by the wayside and reach a hand out to them, one person at a time. It certainly isn't going to happen institutionally. When I resigned from a very visible position in ministry, there were a handful of people who remained close and sought to be a support to me, but one guy in particular, apparently made it a point to make sure he contacted me every week for at least a year. He heads a very large growing church, has tons of demands on his schedule and plenty of others responsibilities, yet he called me at least once a week for over a year. I could tell it was a priority for him; it was simple, 'How you doing?' 'Anything we can do for you?' 'Hang in there, buddy, we love you.' And you know what? I believed him, and it was a wonderful lesson. That's the kind of thing I'm encouraging us to do. Don't let fear or discomfort keep you from doing this.
It's easy to love the lovable...(Luke 6) not so much the weak or even ungrateful.
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3 comments:
As is usually the case, I agree with your overall sentiments. The book of Ephesians tells us very clearly how to love one and other in almost every situation you might come across. Where the body of Christ is concerned Paul (4:2-3) directs us to "be completely humble and gentle: be patient, bearing with one and other in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spririt thru the bond of peace." I have a friend and sister in the Lord who is obsessed over a very bad relationship and can't break free because of her own inability to be alone. Every one I know has, to one degree or another, shut her out because she won't move on. The topicconsumes her conversations and interactions with those who know her, tot he point that she appears disinterested in anyone else. Many of the examples you have given are of individuals who have invested in their community to some degree and if nothing else, have earned some grace from their earthy bretheren. What about my friend? And if we can agree that she deserves the same patience Paul speaks of, what does that look like from someone in the body who might view her as self-absorbed? How do we achieve Paul's directive when demostrating that suppoort puts other relationships at risk, or our jobs at risk? You idea is beautiful, simple, pure and biblical. And much easier if you truly love the stumbling brother. But if you're not that personaly invested, then what? Or how?
Carl,
Just wanted to say that you made a big difference for me when I attended VCF Anaheim - the sermons you preached, the worship songs, a few times when you prayed for me. You know why? You have a real heart for Jesus. I appreciate you so much more now because of your perspective of having been through the fire yourself. You are incredibly valuable and totally loved by God.
I think hvalley has some very good points. I struggle too with self-absorbed people in the church. They seem to gravitate towards certain people, burn them out, and then find new people to listen to same problems they are facing. They don’t listen to counsel and seem to like being the victim, and seem to enjoy the drama. It is especially difficult, like hvalley has stated, when they make no investment in the church community. You have said that the friend you are helping is reaping what he sowed in your relationship with him. He was there for you when you needed him. What do we do with the people who never sow, but love to reap? I usually just change my phone number. Just kidding.
Seriously, though, what do you do in situations like this?
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