Raised by wolves.....

In telling my story I often state that 'I was raised by wolves'. Not exactly the truth in that I really did have a mother and father, so to speak, but in reality I raised myself, not a good idea by the way. When I say that what I mean is I never was 'raised', never given an explanation, never given any direction, never coached or assisted in the things of life. It just all unfolded and you just figured it out as best you could, which again isn't such a good idea. Frankly with the exception of when I was four years old or so, I don't remember being disciplined or corrected and re-directed. God bless my mother; she didn't know what and heck to do with me. It was all she could do to keep a roof over our head and some semblance of food in the apartment.  My 'dad' wasn't around, although he always lived close by when I was growing up, I didn't see him all that much, which I didn't really miss, or at least I didn't think so. I certainly missed not having a dad, a father, no doubt.   I'm not sure that this particular one needed to be around any more than he was, that might not have been such a good thing, I'm pretty sure of that.

As I look back, I realize there was never anyone in my life to, well, teach me about life. How to handle money, education, relationship, how to be a husband, a father, things of that nature. So I had to figure it out as I went, of course I read the books, went to the seminars and such, but as a friend of mine once said, 'more is caught than taught', in other words having a role model is pretty important.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, yesterday was 'Fathers Day' and it caused me to reflect on my life as a father. Although I could beat myself half to death over whether or not I have been the father I should have or could have been, there is no doubt the answer to those questions is, yes. But did I move the needle, did I put some distance between myself and the upbringing that I experienced?   Whew, thank God the answer is, yes!   I cannot think of a time that I haven't been supportive and affirming of my children in what they were either doing or wanted to do. I have always, sometimes to their chagrin have expressed my love and affection for my children. When I'm dead and gone and they think back on their father, I think they will reflect on this fact with fondness and gratitude.

There is no doubt that I could have and should have done better, but frankly I simply didn't know how to.   I figured things out as best I could,  and I think I got the most important thing right, loving them without conditions, affirming them whether I agreed with their path or not, supporting them as best I could in all that I could.

Will I get the Father of the Year Award, probably not. But did I put some serious distance between myself and the 'upbringing' I experienced, I think so.