When is a friend a friend?

When is a friend a friend?
I had someone tell me recently about a revelation he came to regarding a 'friend' of hers. I know this person quite well and I knew who she was talking to me about. It totally suprised me when she said you know I just came to realize that 'Jane' -not her real name- really isn't my friend. Although suprised I felt like I knew what she was saying, I also didn't think it was my place to question this 'discovery'.
When I say I think I knew what she was saying, it was because over the years I have come to realize the same thing. That there are many people who say they are your friend, they would say that to you and would say that to others, but their behavior contridicts this claim. We all go through times when our friendships are closer than at other times, but I guess the question to ask is what is the relationship like in times of trouble? Someone told me when I began experiencing difficulties in my life, that I would find out who my friends are and they were right. The person who told me that in fact has turned out to be a wonderful and available friend. The truth is I don't see him much and we can go for long periods without communicating, but when I needed him most he was there and if I needed him now he would be there no doubt about it.
This has actually been a wonderful discovery. It's not that some of the people that I would have thought were my friends aren't nice people or even good people. More than likely they are, they just aren't real friends. And that is okay, you can only have some many really close relationships, so there is no use fooling yourself and spending energy on relationships that are based on pretense. No one needs that.
I have also discovered and realize more each day that the people that I am the most concerned about, in terms of there opinion of me, are the six people in the picture on my myspace home page. I am happy for the friendships and there are more than I could ever hope for, but the indespensible relationships are with my six children and my two grand daughters.