Tuttle Thoughts

TUTTLE THOUGHTS HAS MOVED TO www.carltuttle.com

2008-11-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

Now you can read Tuttle Thoughts at www.carltuttle.com. Please continue to add your comments! I enjoy hearing from you.

Tongues of Fire

2008-11-17T04:44:00.000-08:00

Do I have your attention? Do you think this article is going to be about speaking in tongues? Sorry, not going there. But I do want to address the issue of the power of the tongue when it is used for either edification or destruction within the church. As James said, “The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell” (James 3:6).

I think it is pretty clear that when we gather corporately to worship and sing songs of praise, worship and adoration, it is a very beautiful and moving experience. Yet isn’t it something that with the same mouth which pours forth praise, comes malicious talk, gossip, and slander? Sometimes things that wound and destroy others lives are said with such ease; it is shocking. “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be” (James 3:10).

It is clear from the scriptures that God hates gossip. Check out the context in which gossip is included by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the church at Rome: “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips…” (Romans 1:9).

If gossip is that powerful, that evil, that destructive, then it can have no place in the church. If it “corrupts the whole person” then it has to affect our worship. That said, it has been my experience all too often that we tolerate and allow gossip to go unchecked and undisciplined. When is the last time that you heard of someone in leadership being disciplined, or confronted for being a gossip? In my 43 years in the church I certainly have never seen a leader or pastor removed for gossiping like I have seen them removed for other sins; it appears as if we don’t take this as seriously as Scripture does.

Our praise has to go beyond singing songs: our worship needs to be expressed outside of our gatherings by freely blessing our brothers and sisters with words of encouragement. In other words, we need to stop bad mouthing other churches as well as each other. “If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” (Galatians 5:5).

Let our tongue be used for edification, not destruction; for worship not division; for a blessing, not a curse.
“The tongue has the power of life and death…” (Proverbs 18:21).

YouTube

2008-11-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

I have a couple of videos posted on YouTube. The first clip is the first part of an interview with Desert Christian News. The second clip is the song I sang at the end of the interview---Oh Lord, Have Mercy On Me.

Politics and Christians

2008-10-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to delve into this deeply. I’m just going to share a couple thoughts as I listen to the rantings on the Left and the Right, neither of which I have found across the board to be rational or objective.

First of all, it seems to me that most Christians I meet are more influenced by their politics than by their faith. They seem to allow their political views to shape their faith, rather than allow their faith to shape their political viewpoints, which to me would mean one would have a tough time aligning oneself with either party completely. I sit and watch people on the Left and the Right say such thoughtless things, and rather than admit that their candidate is misstating something or simply wrong in their position, they will find some way to spin it in a partisan fashion. I'll be honest; I don't know how you can be partisan and not be in conflict with your faith. Our ultimate allegiance is to the 'Kingdom of God' and the values of the kingdom, which no political party embodies.

We live in a democratic society and we have the freedom and right to participate in the political process, and we should do so. But developing hatred for the men and women in politics themselves, not just their views, seems completely contrary to the words of Jesus when He says, "Love your enemies." Many see those who hold opposing views on political issues as the enemy.

Scripture tells us two interesting things that apply here. One is that “there is no authority in authority, that God hasn't placed there.” Two that we are to “honor and pray for those in government.” These things were written to men and women who were not living in a democratic society, but under the rule of Rome and the emperors. There are Christian men and women throughout the world who live under tyranny and oppression; they read the same Bible as us and they are instructed to do the same thing. Yet I have a sneaking suspicion that if the wrong party wins this election, those whose candidate failed to win office will have a really hard time with these instructions.

Years ago I was pastoring a church that had a Christian school ministry. In the school entryway there was a photograph of the then U.S. President, George Herbert Bush. Some time later he lost his bid for re-election. Long after he left office, the photo of Bush still was there. I talked to the pastor who was over the school, and I made it very clear to him that I wanted to see a picture of the current President, Bill Clinton hanging in that spot. It took months for that to take place. I felt that the children were being exposed to something completely contrary to what the scripture teaches and was a perfect example of “politics influencing faith versus faith influencing politics.”

I'm not saying you shouldn't be be passionate and concerned; just don't fall into the extremism and fear mongering that fills the airwaves and especially the Internet.

Just remember this: if your candidate wins or loses, God is in control. Oh yeah, and remember in your conversations with others to demonstrate honor and respect for the man or woman in office, whether you care for them or not. And pray for them as the scripture instructs us all to do. By the way the Apostle Paul goes as far as to say that we are to “give thanks” for them.

Worship Together

2008-10-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

“Church” basically means "the assembled," "the gathered," or "congregation." Take your pick. By this very simple definition it’s hard to think of anyone being able to defend the individualistic and independent attitude that is expressed by so many who call themselves followers of Jesus, yet are not connected to the local church on any level.

Of course I understand the personal part of our relationship with God. Spending time alone before Him in prayer and meditation is a given; I will stipulate that as being a valuable and practical aspect of our walk with God. But I am absolutely convinced, by scripture, history and experience, that the life that we have in Christ is worked out in community, in relationship with one another, and not in independence and isolation.

Frankly, I empathize with those who point to one horror story after another about the failure of the church, the abuse that has taken place, or the lack of consistency in relationship to our stated values that leaves so many disillusioned and disconnected. It is a complete and total shame that this happens, but it still doesn’t excuse dropping out and trying to work out our relationship with God alone. That simply isn’t an option.

The fact is here in our community and in thousands of others around the world, there exists every possible expression of "church" that one can imagine--- some incredible, some not so good and everything in between. We cannot know or express our call, our purpose, or God’s plan for us outside of "the gathering." Our faith is expressed and worked out within a context of togetherness. It’s how we are made. It’s how God set it up.

For those of you committed to the local church, I would encourage you to examine the level of that commitment. Are you marching in and out every Sunday? Are you known or unknown by others? If you aren’t there, is the church missing something?

If you aren’t a part of a local church, I would encourage you to find someplace where you can plug in, be a part, contribute and express the gifts God has given you. Notice I didn’t say anything about finding a place that meets your needs. I will say that it needs to be a place that expresses values, priorities and practices that resonate with you; a place that builds you up, strengthens you, and encourages you in your faith. If this is happening, then your real needs will be meet. The writer of Hebrews wrote to "not forsake the gathering of yourselves together as some are in the habit of doing, but consider how you may stir one another up to love and good deeds." It can happen in a home church or a megachurch, but I am certain of this: "church" cannot happen alone, separate from connectedness, anymore than one of your limbs can function unattached to your body.

We worship, we live, we find life in Christ together.

P.S. I fully understand that church can happen in a home without incorporating, without hierarchy, without institutionalizing.

Glory in Weakness?

2008-09-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

I do not want to go down the path I have been on for a while, but simply want to highlight a characteristic that I have noticed in the church. We know that the Apostle Paul stated that he 'gloried in his weakness'. We know that in Romans 14 he encourages us to 'prefer the weaker brother' yet it doesn't seem to me that WE, I include myself in this, do this very well. We really like winners, we love 'success stories'; we like the strong, we only like hearing of failure in the aftermath of it, once someone is on the other side of failure and are reporting it as a past event. But embracing people, who have failed or never really succeeded, is something we don't really do.

In thinking about it for myself, I have thought of the challenge of loving someone who isn't winning, isn't overcoming, and doesn't have it together; it's not an easy thing to do. If I think about people I know who have been very successful, admired, well-liked, popular, all the good stuff, then they fail, and it is absolutely amazing to see how quickly all their admirers peel away. They no longer call. They no longer return phone calls. They no longer extend invitations to fellowship or just hang out, and it is really something.

I want to be the kind of person who sticks with someone who is no longer popular, or in good standing. I want to stay in contact with my friends throughout the ups and downs of their lives. That has been one of the great things about the Internet; so many people have contacted me and expressed encouragement and love. I have people contact me thanking me for things from the 70's and 80's and beyond; it is really nice and a great source of pleasure for me. Not just receiving encouragement, but being able to give it as well; sometimes just staying in contact, sometimes hearing of someone going through a tough patch and just letting them know I am thinking of them and praying for them. Sometimes I haven't met them, but I know of them through their ministry and they have impacted me.

Hopefully people don't get callous to this sort of thing. I know it always blesses me that someone would reach out to me now that I am not 'somebody'...don't worry I don't feel that or believe that today, but I know it's the way it works. I guess this comes back to the issues related to friendship and relationships that reflect a heart of compassion and true empathy. I just know experiencing it and watching others experience it causes me to doubt just how much we really 'glory in weakness', or how we see others as something other than 'the weaker brethren'. What is it in us as individuals and as communities of faith that allows for this sort of behavior? Embracing others in strength and success and then jettisoning when people fail to meet our expectations. It's almost as if a person ceases to exist if they no longer are visible or popular. I think that's a very sad thing.

The only way it will change is if we change as individuals and begin to see those who have been left by the wayside and reach a hand out to them, one person at a time. It certainly isn't going to happen institutionally. When I resigned from a very visible position in ministry, there were a handful of people who remained close and sought to be a support to me, but one guy in particular, apparently made it a point to make sure he contacted me every week for at least a year. He heads a very large growing church, has tons of demands on his schedule and plenty of others responsibilities, yet he called me at least once a week for over a year. I could tell it was a priority for him; it was simple, 'How you doing?' 'Anything we can do for you?' 'Hang in there, buddy, we love you.' And you know what? I believed him, and it was a wonderful lesson. That's the kind of thing I'm encouraging us to do. Don't let fear or discomfort keep you from doing this.
It's easy to love the lovable...(Luke 6) not so much the weak or even ungrateful.

Todd Hunter's Visit

2008-09-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

Recently Todd Hunter came and shared with our church. Todd and I go back a long way. It was so refreshing to see how he treated our little church like it was 3,000 people. As to the content, it really was powerful and thought-provoking. There is no doubt that things have changed dramatically over the past couple of decades; the environment in which we seek to communicate the Gospel is more challenging than ever. All the things that we took for granted years ago, people believing in God, believing the Bible is the Word of God, believing Jesus was the Son of God are no longer viewed in the same way. As the song says, “Well that was yesterday and yesterday’s gone.”

I became a Christian long ago and witnessing was a big part of our agenda. I would walk up to complete strangers at the beach or parks and witness to them, many times praying with them. It was easy compared to today; back then it was like fishing at a trout farm. To gain a fuller understanding of some of the changes that have taken place, I will direct you to a couple friends of mine, Jason Clarke (http://www.jasonclark.ws) or Todd Hunter (www.3isenough.org). They will help you increase your understanding of where things are today.

Today when you talk to someone about God, they want to know which ‘god’ you are speaking of. They may point to a telephone pole and tell you that's their god or higher power. It’s one of the effects of pluralism, the melding together of diverse cultures and their systems of belief. If we are to gain respect of others, there is no lecturing them, or dismissing their belief systems. Evangelicals have been guilty of this sort of attitude and have been resoundingly rejected by our culture. We need to be ready to listen to them and answer their questions. Todd referred to a book, The Fall of an Evangelical Nation, by Christine Wicker, part of which lays out the attitude toward Evangelicals in America; it is not a pretty picture. They don't like us and they don't want to hear from us on Larry King Live lecturing them and telling them what they are doing wrong. Years ago when the evangelical talking heads began to appear on television news programs, I would cringe. I didn't want them speaking for me. I didn't want to be identified with their smug and condescending manner, but nonetheless, we have been. You and I have been lumped together, and we have a lot to overcome if we seek to communicate the gospel in this new atmosphere. I'm not sure if Todd was quoting someone else or this came directly from him, when he said, 'many people feel we won.....but we lost' and I think it's true; we broke onto the national scene and proceeded to come off arrogant, the purveyors of all that is true. One of the problems was the Christ that was expressed was affiliated with one particular political party. Let’s face it, it’s as if Jesus was a Republican. After a disaster these people would appear on the television screen and do what I call reverse prophecy. That is to say, in the aftermath of such an occurrence, they would let the world know why it happened, for the most part because of the sin of a particular city, state or country. What city, state or country where a natural catastrophe happens is going to be free of sin? I think these voices would be much more credible if they tell us before something happens, when, where and way, and how, then it people might listen. But to come out in the aftermath of some disaster and appear to be pleased that ‘they’ got what they deserved, is so disheartening and so unlike the heart of Christ, in my opinion.

So we, evangelical Christians, got the visibility we wanted and we blew it. For the most part we, and yes, I say we, because people in general see Christians through the images they have seen on television. Of course they also have formed their opinions from knowing and interacting with Christians in day to day life. They appear to have a difficult time with the fact that in many cases we don’t walk what we talk.

But even with these negative view points held by a large percentage of people in our society, there is another study that indicates that these same people, who have a negative view of evangelical Christian, would be open to and willing to have a discussion or dialogue with a Christian; a dialogue that would not have their belief system ignored and glossed over while we wait for our chance to 'preach the gospel' to them. If we communicate in ways that they don't understand, what good does that do? Are we afraid to listen, to look at things from a different perspective? Could we be afraid that our faith may be influenced? Or is it that we just aren't interested in people. If that’s the case, I think people will pick up on that. Todd used a phrase, 'Anchored to the rock and geared for our times’. It's not a matter of abandoning our beliefs at all; it is learning the language so we can clearly communicate the message we have and have it be understood. At that point a person may still reject it, but at least they understood what you were saying.

One of the other things that Todd pointed out was regarding the way we see people. Do we really care about that person? Do we really want to understand what they believe? Are we even willing to take the time to listen and understand them? Do we care about them because they are created in the image of God, or do they represent another scalp on our belt? I am really not trying to be cynical here. I am just reacting to what I have seen and known to be true.

What Todd did was put it into a context so it is more clearly seen. Is the goal to communicate or simply preach? One of the examples Todd gave was of a person having a favorite spot they fish in, but because conditions change, the fish relocate, yet the fisherman is unyielding and stays in the same place waiting for the fish to come back to where he is. I wonder sometimes if we lose sight of the goal. John Wimber used to talk about 'doing what the Father was doing' in reference to Jesus ministry model. Jesus said he was on his Father’s business and that he restricted himself to do only what the Father is doing. I'm always asking myself what the Father is doing in any situation and if I need to be on standby. Other than that, I try to love people because God does. How can we not love what we believe God created?

So the weekend with Todd was stimulating and thought-provoking. I think it helped us see the current picture more clearly, and we were certainly struck by the challenges we face today in making Christ known to the world in which we live.

Friendship

2008-08-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

I recently had a friend step down from ministry. I don't argue the fact that those in ministry fail from time to time and need to be removed or step back from ministry. What I will argue is the process, in way too many cases, is utterly and completely flawed. This situation made me think about relationships and friendship in particular and what it means to be a friend.

There are many levels of friendship, casual acquaintances, life long friendships, new friends and deep personal relationship where there is transparency and natural accountability. I'll just deal with the two that are in my opinion the most important.
First of all, I am going to talk about lifelong relationship, ones that are 30 years old or longer. These friendships are just wonderful, so rich, so rewarding. Just the fact that you hang on and stick it out together is great in itself. But its more than that, in these relationships, you don't have to say everything in a precise and detailed way. You know each other and can laugh about some your faults and foibles. You have so much history there is always something to talk about and more than likely you have to be careful not to gossip. In these relationships you know you can make a call and this person or persons will do whatever they can to assist you or walk through a difficult time with you. If you have known each other this long, then you know lots of people in common and it's always interesting to see how various journeys unfold. Without a doubt you have experience great difficulties and challenges, probably great loses together. How sweet it is to have someone around who understands. I have a handful of these and they have played an important part in my life, helping me to continue, helping me to keep things in perspective, helping me to laugh in spite of the pain.

Another type of friendship, is one that goes even deeper and comprises a very small group of people. These are the people who love you up close and personal. Who stand with you when you are falling down. These people are willing to wound you so you may be healed. They will speak the truth in love, they will not judge or condemn, but they won't co sponsor your B.S. either.

I recently told a friend that I would stick with him, even if it meant sitting next to him on a street corner with a work for food sign. So many relationships in the world are conditional or utilitarian. If things are going well and you are in the zone of success, there are people around. If you are serving a purpose, can be used for some purpose, when the work is done, so are you.

Years ago when I resigned from my position at a church as Senior Pastor, I had some close friends say, 'now you're going to find out who your friends are', boy were they right. All of a sudden people who you knew for years, traveled with, ate with, laughed with, cried with just disappear, they no longer call nor return phone calls, it is really something to behold. I remember so clearly one day walking into a Starbuck's, and coming out the door was a man I had recently been to England with, on a great ministry trip, I greeted him and he simply walked right by me close enough to touch, and didn't speak to me. Some argue that these are the people who feel betrayed by you or hurt by you, OK I'll give you a little tip of the hat on that one, but the hurt that you and I may feel is nothing comparison of the family members.

I have been blogging about a friend of mine who has failed as a pastor and leader, I don't feel personally hurt by this, he didn't do anything to me, I don't feel betrayed by this that is ridiculous. His family is the one that has truly suffered and truly been hurt, the fact most of us are outside looking in these situations. What I found that almost every letter I received was kind and compassionate, an completely supportive. I think sadness is a better word than hurt, unless you were directly affected by the person.

Am I disappointed in my friend? Yes. Am I going to cut him off or abandon him, like so many have seemed to do. I call him every day, I get together with him, I am helping him in every way I know how. Am I doing something noble? NO, it is what friends do. Is he repentant? How and heck do I know that! I'm not God and that's the point, you can't know a persons heart, 'the sinner' usually doesn't know whether they are repentant for quite some time.
By the way if you know of someone in leadership and you are assuming that they are being cared for, don't! We the church, don't major in the 'restore such a one gently part' of things, so don't assume your pastor or leader is being cared for, more than likely they're not. If you are concerned reach out to them directly to make sure that they are okay.
You know what? I have been 'known and loved' by this person, and he is simply reaping what he has sown.

This kind of friendship is not based on performance or usefulness, but rather love and understanding. They as friends they endure the good and bad times because they are not measuring the relationship by conditional standards. You will never have many of these kinds of friends, most of us are lucky if we have one. I know this, I have more than I deserve and they heal me, they help me, they love me, in all my humanness. They can never love me like Jesus but they can be awesome representatives of Him in my life and they are. They help me to experience the Incarnate Christ here on earth. These kind of friends, don't support or put up with your nonsense, but they don't leave when you can't hear or listen to what they are saying. They are patient, kind, caring and will kick the crap out of you if need be. I love/hate those friends! But I'm glad I have them and cherish them as much as anything in this life.

Who are your friends?

Random thoughts

2008-08-19T20:53:00.001-07:00

I'll comment more on the stuff I have written regarding how the church handles failure of its members and in particular its leaders......man we are harsh....there are a couple things I need to listen to and read first....so for now just some thoughts on the last couple weeks...they have been tough...not on me so much...but on the lives of people I know....therefore it has impacted me rather deeply......first of all a friend of mine who has been in ministry for over a couple decades has stepped out of ministry and is going through a very difficult time......there is no doubt he needed to and has acted in ways that have hurt others.....but it always seems the response to that is to step back from the person, rather than embrace the person in their brokenness and sin......friends quit calling....people avoid contact and so the broken person who needs healing and ministry is left to fend for themselves........what a shame......I know this I am going to be his friend even when he acts like a dumb ass....what kind of friendship is it when someone fails...we abandon and cut off...if a person is a friend, aren't they always your friend, when they are acting good and when they are acting bad.....just some thoughts.....on top of this a young lady that I know took her own life...she was 35.......evidently felt so hopeless and was filled with such despair and confusion she decided she didn't want to live any more..........OUCH.......she had no interest in God whatsoever and no interest in church......yet when I think about her choice to end her life....evidently because she was miserable.......what could it have hurt to investigate Jesus, to hang out with a community of faith.........she would have experienced love, affirmation, acceptance....at least with the people I hang out with....I know she would have.......I led a service for her at a Wine Bar.....frankly a place I think Jesus would have been comfortable ...in fact I'm thinking he would have been more comfortable there, then at some of the churches that exist today......sorry........what do you say in such a circumstance? well God gave me grace and favor......in the end I shared about what's really important....what's the most important thing?
Loving God and loving one another.........told them about the story of the 'expert in the law' who sought to 'test Jesus'........so he asked him which is the most important commandment....and Jesus wouldn't answer....he asked him....what do you think it is? .....the man answered...to love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind.......Jesus said 'you are right and the second is like it....love your neighbor as your self....go and live ' Not to bad an idea for me or you...love God, love others...Go and live!

How about some solutions...

2008-08-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

In a previous blog, I articulated what I think the problems with the response to the failure of leaders in the church, so I feel I'm obligated to offer some solutions or suggestions on how things should be handled. My ex, whom I am still close to and speak with often, thinks I'm the right person to do this because of what we experienced in the church, and I agree.

Galatians 6
1BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.2Bear (endure, carry) one an other's burdens and ^[a]troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete ^[b]what is lacking [in your obedience to it].
I'll point to a couple other text, there aren't many by the way, to give us some guidelines for dealing with the fallen.

In this text it clearly indicates that people will succumb to sin, be overtaken, fall, blow it, take your choice. The question is what should our response be? First, let me articulate what the response all too often is: Anger, retribution, punishment, gossip, general ill will, cutting the person off. I do make room for and know that very good and sincere people trying to do the right thing for some reason don't, maybe we rush things.

First of all, you may take issue with gossip being included in this list, after all you are only talking about something someone actually did. I have heard gossip defined this way: It is telling someone something about someone else that they don't need to know. It's not a matter of whether it is true or not; Is it your business? Is it the business of the person you are telling? Does it promote restoration and healing? I think not.

Feelings of anger and a sense of betrayal are normal, but those feelings don't justify in sinning in your anger. Acting in ways that will harm the one who has sinned, making the task of restoration more difficult than it already is. Betrayal? Maybe, but maybe not. I can't think of a single instance in which someone that I am familiar with has fallen that there haven't been signs along the way. One of the most common things I hear from people in the aftermath of a person falling is, " I knew there was something wrong", " I've been seeing things for quite some time" or comments like that. My question always is Did you say something to the person? What did you do to try and help or stop this person from going down this destructive path? All to often the answer is, 'no I was afraid they would be angry with me' 'no I thought someone else was talking to him/her' Matthew 18 say, 'If YOU see someone in sin, go to them..' No it's not easy and with leaders it's down right scary, but if we really care about people we can't wait until they crash and burn and then stand over their mangled life acting shocked and betrayed, when we 'knew something was wrong.' It is not an easy thing to do, but its the right thing to do.

I won't go deeply into this, but when I was in trouble and struggling, it was hard not to notice; in fact it was blatant and obvious that I wasn't making it. At one point at my home with my wife sitting there, I confessed that I felt that I had disqualified myself as an elder in the church. I have no idea what those folks heard, but none of them said a word to me at that time or afterwards, so I was surprised when they said they were shocked when I finally hit the dust.
Would it have been hard to confront me? Absolutely! I had all the power structurally and in that church system really didn't have to be accountable.

So what should happen in these situations? First of all, it would be great if something happens before the person falls, if we would develop structures that allow for accountability. Any system where the leader is 'king' is a dangerous system. We need to respect our leaders, but they shouldn't be given so much structural authority that they don't have to account for their behaviors. That would mean if a person is acting out in ways that give rise to concern, those concerns can be addressed in a open and fair context where the confronting person can't just be blown off or fears repercussions.

Another thing that would be preventative would be to take our responsibility to protect one another and care for each other more seriously. If you are in a system that facilities 'kingship' or autocratic leadership models, one in which you are not allowed to ask honest and fair questions, then 'run Forrest run'! If you're in a system that is not open and is secretive and dismissive of sincere and fair scrutiny, I would think of disconnecting. Those systems facilitate or support leaders acting with autonomy and no one needs that kind of latitude. We all have the potential to fail and if we are allowed to isolate and disconnect from the community, the chances are we will.

So if a leader fails, what should we do?
I'll just give a few principles that I think will be helpful.

1. Have a written plan in place that is based on biblical principles to guide your church through the process. I think almost every business and city in the State of California has an emergency plan in place in case of an earthquake. It's not a matter of if there will be an earthquake, it's a matter of when. These situations are like 'spiritual earthquakes'; they rock everyone's world and knock everyone off balance. And the closer you are to the epicenter, the more damage there is. In the case of churches, it is usually the Board and staff who are closest to the epicenter and have a very difficult time staying objective and balanced in their approach, yet they are in most cases given the assignment of dealing with the problem. It is very difficult to be even and to not react in anger to the failings of someone they are close to and in many cases they act in punitive ways, of which there is no biblical mandate for doing so. The mandate is healing and restoration, not punishment and retribution. So a document guiding us through the process is something that would be a benefit to all involved. The person who sins needs to be protected believe it or not, and so does the community.

2. Don't be afraid to get outside help. You will not be the first community to go through this situation. There are others that have and have developed approaches that can be a help to you. One that comes to mind is the Foursquare denomination. It seems to me that they handle these things well.

3. Deal with the situation as a community of faith, not a cooperation! Most non-profits are Incorporated in their States and have by-laws which they are to govern by. No problem, use those as guidelines, but use the scriptures as the primary source of handling the situation.
The people should know there is a problem and in general what the problem is. They don't need to know every gruesome detail. They think they need to, they demand to, but in most cases that does nothing to promote healing and restoration. It's kind of like someone going into surgery, 'were taking him in, we'll be operating on his heart and will give you updates along the way.' It's not a matter of hiding anything, if the long term desire is for restoration and healing, you don't want to add to the condition of the person by exposing and shaming the person publicly.

4. Whenever possible let the person who has fallen remain in the community where they have failed. Yes, it would be awkward at first and uncomfortable, but over time it makes it clear that the person hasn't been cut off and exiled. It also is a clear indicator of the persons willingness to own their sin and walk in humility in relationship with their family. That's what we say we are, a family, but we act like anything but family when dealing with these situations. Do we cast adrift our children when they fail? Our brothers or sisters? We don't pretend the person hasn't failed, but we can walk through it with them, allowing them to experience the consequence of their failure, but we don't add to that consequence by failing to love them.

5. Celebrate together the recovery and victory together. I could be wrong about this, but one of my fantasies has always been of my wife and I completing the process that was set up for us, which we did. And with us being present with our church community, and it being announced and celebrated in the church as a victory for Jesus. I cannot imagine the rank and file folks who made up the congregation not standing up and cheering, praising God. I don't say this with one ounce of bitterness, but I think feeling cut off from the church we had been part of for 20 years was harmful to us, and to some degree undermined our ability to fully recover. It was unfortunate. We lived and we are both doing fine now, but I think that would have been a good and pleasing thing to the Lord.

Sorry for using myself as an example, but I have gone through this and since then have continued to watch others go through it and we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
I'd like to see us do it God's way somewhere, sometime, it happens to far and few between in my opinion.
I would love to hear from you on this. I would love you to pass this along to others. I would love for the church act its best in one of these situations not the worst.

Just as a footnote, I always hear as a justification for treating someone harshly is due to the nature of their sin. Although I'm sure there are circumstances in which that needs to be in some way considered, that doesn't seem to be part of the criteria of what Paul lays out for us in Galatians 6 or anywhere else we see these issues dealt with in the NT, except the unrepentant man in Corinthians, who was set aside, but then Paul later had to plead with the church to let him back in once he repented!

It Blows My Mind Pt. 2

2008-07-26T08:41:00.003-07:00

I have written on this subject before, but not to the degree that I will now. I am going to share my thoughts on how the church handles the failures of its members, particularly its leaders.

You can consider me bias if you wish and therefore invalidate what I am communicating, or you can consider me experienced and knowledgeable, or you can simply read what I write here and argue with it, or lend your support to it; it certainly makes for a good discussion.

Let me write up front that I know not every church system handles things poorly every time, but, in my opinion, too many do most of the time. The movement that I was involved with is notorious for its lack of success in dealing with failure by its members, as are many other evangelical churches, to say nothing of the mess the Catholic church created for itself by going to the other extreme and shielding sexual predators from the repercussions of their transgressions.

Here is what I have seen happen and continue to see go on, much to the shame of the Body of Christ. All too often the response to one's failure is shock and dismay, followed by punitive actions. All too often every good thing a person has done for decades is wiped away by minutes, days, months of actions. Rarely is it considered that the price a person has paid for serving for years and years, constantly being called upon to give, sacrifice and serve, might contribute to a person's failure. The complicity of the congregation's demands and insatiable desire to be feed, cared for and served are rarely taken into consideration. All too often the colleagues who serve with such a person (the staff), or the Boards who work with them are relieved of any accountability or responsibility for a person's failure. It's at this point Paul's words regarding 'when one part of the body hurts we all hurt' is thrown out the window.

Don't even think I am trying to justify sinful and hurtful actions, but the absolutely only time we see in the New Testament a person 'set aside' is in the case of an unrepentant person,
who was 'turned over to Satan for the destruction of their sinful nature', and then of course the church had to be confronted about allowing this person back in once he repented. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in scripture that gives us the right to punish one who fails. Yet that is what we do and somehow some way justify by pointing to what the person has done. I'm sorry where do you find that? In Galatians Paul states that 'When someone in caught in sin', it doesn't say what sin; it doesn't say how that sin has affected you emotionally; it doesn't say only do so if you are not feeling hurt, disappointed or disillusioned! It says to restore such a one gently and to be careful not to fall into temptation. And what temptation might that be? To judge? To exact revenge? To treat a person harshly?

Years ago I observed the failure of a prominent minister that I was both familiar with through his radio ministry and my occasional attendance at his church. It was very clear even to my 12- year- old daughter that this man was distant, arrogant and filled with pride. Yet he was treated like a celebrity by all those who served around him. His Board failed to hold him to account. His staff was fearful of him and therefore failed to be honest with him and his congregation adored him. I'm sorry, but is fear of a leader justification for Board members to acquiesce and literally vote for something they are against? Does the fact that the Pastor will get angry with them justify their abdication of their responsibility to the congregation? Sorry, but if you are not man or woman enough to hold to your convictions and not violate your conscience, then resign right now. Don't wait until the person who was leading lay bleeding on the ground to walk by and kick them when you very well may have contributed to their failure.

When a leader fails or for that matter when a member of the body of Christ fails, do they do so in complete and total isolation. Do you know how many times I have heard after the fact ' well I knew there was something wrong....' Really? Ever read Matthew 18...if YOU see someone in sin GO TO HIM...

I have a friend, I have mentioned before. He has failed, screwed up, sinned, whatever you want to call it. For decades he has been known as a man of character, generous, faithful, you name it.
In a matter of months he has taken a nosedive, and hasn't been doing well at all. So do those few months wipe out decades of faithful service? In the church it certainly does. People back away like someone has a communicable decease. All the while justifying their lack of support, help, care, concern and graciousness as a result of their shock, their disappointment, the sense of betrayal they feel towards this person. Baloney! I cannot think of any justification for such actions. Before the Lord, what if your life, your actions, your heart were exposed to the glaring lights? Could you cast the first stone? Have you ever considered the fact that if someone has served for decades, has been faithful and without disqualifying faults and now they have messed up, that there is something terribly wrong, that they are not acting like themselves. Wouldn't it be something if we recognized the fact that they have failed, they have sinned, and we need to come to their aid? That we need to protect them and take care of them? What if Jesus treated us like we treat our brothers and sisters who have sinned? We'd all be going to hell as far as I can tell.

What I have seen so often in these situations is the person who has sinned loses much, if not all of what they have--- their reputation, their livelihood, their families, their position and their place, and then we want more! I'm thinking when that has happened, a person has clearly reaped what they sowed; there is no bases for adding to their consequence, none whatsoever.

Wouldn't if be something if one time in one place a church would stand with 'the brother who sinned' that we would walk through the muck and the mess that they have made. That we would act with compassion, grace and mercy, seeking to bring restoration and healing to the person. Wouldn't it be something if we embraced the person in the stench of their sin, loving them without condition, nursing them back to health and protecting them from further attack.

I listen to the talk, I watch the actions, I hear the reasoning and justifications for abandoning the person who has failed and it makes me sick.

I hope and pray in my lifetime that I see the church act like a body, a family, a loving community in the face of someone's failure. I pray that somewhere, sometime that we will 'be imitators of Christ and walk in love, as beloved children.' Amen

Note: Do I seem angry? You got it I am....let me know if you think I am sinning in my anger. I've reviewed this and I don't think so.

Communicating the Gospel in a Christless Culture

2008-07-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend my friend Todd Hunter will be sharing with our church (faithcommunitychurch.us) about the state of our culture as it relates to communicating the Gospel. Anyone who has been a Christian for a while and desires to share the 'hope that we have within' knows how difficult it is to dialogue with those outside of the faith. The combination of secularism, relativism and pluralism have had a major impact on the ability interact with others regarding faith.
Todd has been traveling the world that last several years, listening, watching and learning in regards to this whole arena and I think his insights will be a great help to those who desire to communicate the Gospel. On top of that it will be great to hang out with an old friend with whom I have shared so many incredible experiences. I'll report back after the weekend and share some of his insights. You can learn more about Todd at toddhunter.net .

Andy Park in the House

2008-07-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at the church listening to Andy Park do a sound check. He's leading a night of worship tonight and at our service tomorrow.
I am always moved when he leads; there is so much content in the songs he sings and it always causes me to connect in a special way for some reason.
I don't really have much to say about it, just that I am blessed and thankful once again for those with the gift and anointing to lead worship. I think regarding myself, I take it for granted, but when I am able to experience it, I realize how blessed and powerful it is.

Hype and The Holy Spirit

2008-06-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, I was part of a revival of sorts, we wouldn't have called it a revival, we really didn't have a term for it, but the presence of the Lord as we gathered was evident and beautiful.
Eventually a group of people who had been involved in church and ministry for years were rediscovering their 'first love', it was a remarkable time.
Eventually this group was released to start a church albeit reluctantly by the mother church, we went with a blessing.
This was not something you could have identified as being Pentecostal or charismatic although it certainly draw people of those backgrounds, but it wasn't our background, we were basically conservative Evangelicals who were being touched by the Holy Spirit.
The fact is we believed in the modern day work and ministry of the Holy Spirit, we didn't believe the gifts had died out with the closing of the Canon, but up to that point we hadn't seen any model that resonated with us. It's interesting thinking about growing up in the evangelical part of the church, you never read about any miracles or virtually anything supernatural, it was as if those things no longer happened.

We visited Charismatic and Pentecostal meetings and simply could not embrace the theatrics and the hyperbole that were characteristic of these gatherings. Our leader was John Wimber, John looked at the current models and was determined to embrace the work and ministry of the Holy Spirit but not the hype. As we continued to gather and grow, a new model for ministry emerged that was very different from what we had seen on Television or in the meeting we had attended. There was never a time John made an entrance to crescendoing music with an entourage in his wake. John didn't platform ministry, but allowed for the ministry to take place right where people were seated or they were invited into a side room to receive ministry from one of dozens of lay people who were willing to trust God to use them in this kind of ministry. There were never any prayer lines, where people lined up to be prayed for by a specific anointed minister. There was a clear effort to protect the dignity of the individual and not exploit them for the purpose of stirring up the crowd. No slaying in the spirit, or claiming a healing or deliverance, things were 'dialed' down and religiousness was discouraged. What I mean by religiousness is changing character, voices and language, people were encourage to just be who they were and let God be who He is. Prophecy, what we would call simple prophecy was not only allowed but encouraged at every service. By simple prophecy I mean words of comfort, exhortation and edification, 'thus sayeth the Lord's' were discouraged and it was even suggested that you might begin your 'prophecy' with the disclaimer, 'I think the Lord may be saying this to us today' again in plan and simple language.
I write about all this because I have been thinking about that period of time and contrasting it to what I hear about, read about and see today. The fact is what I see today isn't any different than what I was first exposed to 30 years ago, except for with the Internet word gets out faster to more people. I am asked by friends what I think of the latest 'hot spot' and my only response is 'it is what it is'. That doesn't mean I accept or reject these things out of hand, for the most part these things don't catch my interest, I don't see or hear anything different than I have heard for years. Another thing that factors in for me is the fact that I have watched some people go to every new place where 'the Holy Spirit is moving', and in almost every case there is no discernible long lasting difference in the lives of these people. Especially when I contrast them with the lives of people I know who haven't attended a single meeting and are as spiritually mature as any of these people and in some cases more so. So do I believe God isn't doing anything or that the Holy Spirit isn't moving? I am convinced at many times and many places He is, but more importantly the people who attend believe He is and I believe their faith is engaged and rewarded.
All that said I believe to this day that the model and methods that John helped to shape and implement in the years gone by was a wonderful approach to ministry. It was much easier to discern then between what was actually happening to person, whether God was doing something or whether the person was in some way acting out to draw attention to themselves.
I simply believe that we don't need to add anything to what God is doing, the music doesn't need to change, the lighting and the mood don't need to be set, no extravagant claims or proclamations, when God is working and doing something in the midst of His people, that is sufficient, in my opinion.

Raised by wolves.....

2008-06-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

In telling my story I often state that 'I was raised by wolves'. Not exactly the truth in that I really did have a mother and father, so to speak, but in reality I raised myself, not a good idea by the way. When I say that what I mean is I never was 'raised', never given an explanation, never given any direction, never coached or assisted in the things of life. It just all unfolded and you just figured it out as best you could, which again isn't such a good idea. Frankly with the exception of when I was four years old or so, I don't remember being disciplined or corrected and re-directed. God bless my mother; she didn't know what and heck to do with me. It was all she could do to keep a roof over our head and some semblance of food in the apartment. My 'dad' wasn't around, although he always lived close by when I was growing up, I didn't see him all that much, which I didn't really miss, or at least I didn't think so. I certainly missed not having a dad, a father, no doubt. I'm not sure that this particular one needed to be around any more than he was, that might not have been such a good thing, I'm pretty sure of that.

As I look back, I realize there was never anyone in my life to, well, teach me about life. How to handle money, education, relationship, how to be a husband, a father, things of that nature. So I had to figure it out as I went, of course I read the books, went to the seminars and such, but as a friend of mine once said, 'more is caught than taught', in other words having a role model is pretty important.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, yesterday was 'Fathers Day' and it caused me to reflect on my life as a father. Although I could beat myself half to death over whether or not I have been the father I should have or could have been, there is no doubt the answer to those questions is, yes. But did I move the needle, did I put some distance between myself and the upbringing that I experienced? Whew, thank God the answer is, yes! I cannot think of a time that I haven't been supportive and affirming of my children in what they were either doing or wanted to do. I have always, sometimes to their chagrin have expressed my love and affection for my children. When I'm dead and gone and they think back on their father, I think they will reflect on this fact with fondness and gratitude.

There is no doubt that I could have and should have done better, but frankly I simply didn't know how to. I figured things out as best I could, and I think I got the most important thing right, loving them without conditions, affirming them whether I agreed with their path or not, supporting them as best I could in all that I could.

Will I get the Father of the Year Award, probably not. But did I put some serious distance between myself and the 'upbringing' I experienced, I think so.

Answer to some questions

2008-06-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have had a couple comments to the last blog about the church that I want to answer. One was in a comment by Keith that I inadvertently rejected for posting instead of accepting, sorry Keith I tried to undo the damage but couldn't pull it off.

Keith asked what kind of government is safe? I think that's a good question and one you should consider before becoming part of a church. What is their system of government? Is it open and transparent? Who is accountable to whom? What is their plan for handling failure?
Of course there are systems of every shape and size out there, some better than others. It is important to have a clear plan in place for failure or wrongdoing. Is the structure for dealing with these things, corporate in it's nature or community based and relational?

I will give you and example of the church that I am involved in as one structure that seems to be good and works. Our church has a Board, Elders and Pastoral Team. The Board deals with facility and finances, but has no authority in spiritual matters. Therefore if one of the leaders in the church, especially a pastor, should fail, it is not in their hands to determine what is to be done. The Elders would deal with anything of that nature and are guided by the scriptures as to go about this, with an emphasis on restoration and resisting the temptation to judge or hand out punishment, which is by far and away the norm. They are to do this in an open and compassionate way, one that is a benefit to the entire community of faith, which is what we are by the way.

In the story I tell in my previous blog, those who are 'dealing' with my friend, whom by the way they accuse of no wrong doing, yet treat him like an unrepentant sinner, you can't point to anything they are doing in an open, compassionate or beneficial way to the community of faith there. Probably for the most part because you have the wrong people with the wrong skills, gifts and mandate to handle the situation. So the system in our church has for lack of a better term some checks and balances in it. For example, let's say the Elders deal with a situation and conclude it is best for the 'leader' to step down or back from ministry. Yet they come up with an outlandish financial 'package' for this person. The Board can reject it based on the impact and effect it would have on the church as a whole. The elders and pastors can make a recommendation to the Board regarding a situation, but the Board has to make its decision based on this counsel and their knowledge of the churches situation financially as well as the church By Laws.

Also in our system the Pastors have no control of the finances and cannot write checks. We don't have credit cards and have no vote on financial matters. That can make things a little cumbersome at times, but it protects the church and protects the pastor. There are many, many churches that allow the pastor to have way too much control of the financial matters of the church and it's a system that is riff with pitfalls in my opinion.

There are lots of ways to do church and to set up church systems. It's not hard to find legitimate models for doing this. There is no need to reinvent the wheel. The system should be characterized by transparency, accountability, justice and community, among others things.
The system I came out of is characterized by secrecy and virtually a complete lack of accountability, yet it is accepted and goes unquestioned by those who are members of it. It is stunning to me that so many people are apathetic as to how their church or denomination is run. I just don't get that and I hope for the sake of the body of Christ it changes.

It Blows My Mind!

2008-05-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

I love the church. I believe in the church. I believe the church will survive and will continue to express Gods purpose and plans for the world. That said, it's absolutely amazing that this is true. The church is so fragmented, so divided, so eclectic and sometimes just plan dumb. Case in point; I have a friend who planted a church over 10 years ago and has gone through some difficult times lately. People around him expressed concern for him and the Board gave him a year's sabbatical, with the purpose of him being able to rest and recoup. The problem is they have handled it just like a Board and not a community of faith. He was notified via an email of this decision and its 'requirements', a couple of which were amazing. He is not to step foot on the property, nor attend services there. I know that could be explained as not wanting him to engage. If that was the case, don't send that in an email; dialogue with the man so he can catch your spirit.

When I read the letter from the Board, it felt punitive and like a banishment, not an act of love and concern. It is simply not right for us not to talk to one another and meet face to face, to argue, cry, laugh; whatever needs to happen, it needs to happen together. What it seems like to me is there are people who have issues with my friend and they don't have the courage to express those to his face, so under the cover of a Board decision, based on private discussions, edicts are handed down. 'Hey buddy we're really concerned about you and we really want to see you rest and healed up, just don't do it with us!' The the community of faith where a person is called and has ministered for over a decade, isn't the right place to fellowship, worship and experience healing. It just blows my mind......more later.

Random thoughts

2008-05-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

I've been writing a lot of articles of late rather than things that are personal, so I thought I'd take a moment to throw out some thoughts, not all of which will be related to one another.
The Church: A place to get hurt, a place to get healed. It can be the worst experience and it can be the best experience.
Salvation: Why is it that in coming to Christ we freely and fully admit that we have 'fallen short', that we have no righteousness of our own, that we are totally dependant upon the grace and mercy of God, then we seem to spend the rest of our lives trying to prove that is no longer true. What is it about 'glorying in our weakness' that is so disgusting to us and hard for us to accept, remaining just as dependant on Christ for our sanctification as we are for our justification? Just curious.
Church Discipline: As far as I can tell there are about 4 or 5 texts that deal even remotely to this thing called 'church discipline'. Matt 18, Galatians 6, I Timothy 5, 1 Corinthians 5, with the exception of the situation in Corinthians where Paul specifically tells them to 'cast out the immoral' brother, only to have to tell them later to receive the repentant brother back, none of these hint at anything punitive. Someone somewhere coined the phrase 'church discipline', but it would be better rendered 'church punishment' according to how it's handled. Hmmm this deserves a whole blog........but, I do think it's curious that we NEVER see a Pastor/Leader/Elder 'disciplined for pride, greed, gossip, malicious talk or selfish ambition, plenty of which is on display throughout the church today, I'm pretty sure the Bible clearly describes these as sins that are grievous and harmful, way are these left off the list of offenses that are commonly 'disciplined'? Just curious.....oh well that's all for now....the old guys tired.

Worship as a way of life

2008-05-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

In the past I have written about the ‘essence of worship’, that is the fundamental substance of worship, what the ingredients are that make worship,worship.

I proposed that faith, truth and intimacy are absolutely necessary to our worship experience. The fact is worship is a subject that volumes have been written about. When I began leading and teaching on worship in the late 70’s there was very little written about the popular style of worship that has now emerged and is sweeping the earth. Today it’s virtually become and industry and without a doubt has been commercialized. I’m not going to address that in this column, my point is worship is an area that has captured the attention and interest of millions and can be explored extensively.

Therefore, any column, article, book or message given on the subject to one degree or another will fail to address all the issues related to this subject. I lay all this out as a backdrop to my column on ‘Worship As A Way Of Life’, I confess up front I’m just scratching the surface and in no way can exhaust the subject here, that said hopefully it will serve to encourage you and edify your worship life and experience.

Over the past three decades, worship has become a very hot topic and an area that has emerged as an essential part of almost every expression of our faith. Baptist, Pentecostal, Methodist, Catholic, Presbyterian, you name it in almost every case ‘modern’, ‘contemporary’, ‘emergent’ worship has taken root and has influenced the way we ‘do church’. Churches look different and sound different than they did 30 years ago and in my opinion it’s for the better. All of the afore mentioned points to the outward expressions of worship. But more important than what is happening on the outside is what is happening inside. It is essential that our outward expressions be consistent with an inward reality. We know that Jesus said ‘we must worship in spirit and truth’, (Jo.4:24) in rebuking the Pharisees, Jesus said, ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain: their teachings are but rules made by men” (Matt. 15:8)

What is expressed in worship outwardly must be heart connected. If not, we can bow low, dance, lift our hands and it is nothing more than a religious exercise.

Worship as a way of life is expressed in the person who cares more about what God desires than what people think.

The ultimate expression of worship is the life that is fully devoted to the will of God. When we seek justice, stand in defense of the defenseless, care for the poor, minister to the imprisoned, care for and protect our children, we are expressing worship at the highest level. When we do this worship has goes from reciting liturgy, singing songs and looking into God’s word, to being responsive to his Word and obeying His commands. True worship and devotion affects everything and goes beyond the confines of our ‘worship services’, service flows from worship.

When we gather for worship we should experience the power and presence of God, having our hearts warmed and our lives filled. From this fullness we freely and generously give out of the abundance that has been given us, that all may worship and give God glory.

Worship and Expectancy

2008-05-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

In his classic book, A Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster states:

“To worship is to experience reality, to touch life. It is to know, to feel, to experience the resurrected Christ in the midst of the gathered community. It is to break into the Shekinah off God, or better yet, being invaded by the Shekinah of God.”

That’s some pretty profound stuff! First of all let me define Shekinah. Shekinah denotes the presence of God, as opposed to a God who is abstract, aloof or virtually theoretical.

It would be my educated guess that for the majority of us who gather together on a regular bases to worship, there would be a lack of focus and expectancy when we come to worship. The process of getting the family ready for church alone is enough to knock us off balance and keep us from entering into worship with a faith filled heart.

I think it would be safe to say that virtually everything in life conspires against an ability to rest in Christ, to sit at His feet, to depend on Him for everything. It is easy for us to be distracted, lacking focus.

How often do we get up on a Sunday morning and feel an excitement and anticipation regarding the worship service? How often do we realize that in the gathering of the community of faith there is the promise of God’s presence and its power touch and transform our lives? We all know that having a quiet time or devotional time is an important part of our walk with God. But it is in the gathering together with others that Jesus promises to be in our midst. Jesus said ‘Where two or more are gather in my name, there I will be in the midst of them.’ So every time we gather together with other believers we have the promise of the presence of God. I think that experience is intensified when we gather together to praise and worship God in the corporate gatherings. Singing songs and lifting our hearts to God in faith. There is something very special when we gather corporately, the dynamic is different.

The dynamic changes even more when we gather with expectancy, with faith, believing that God rewards those who seek him. The Bible says, ‘Without faith it’s impossible to please God.’ Conversely if we gather with faith we can be assured that God is pleased. How incredible is that, that we can be pleasing to God in our worship.

The truth is when we gather to worship; we disengage from the reality of this world and its cares and burdens, allowing us to engage with the reality of God and His kingdom.

I would encourage you to come to worship with expectancy, ready to meet with God, ready to bless Him. In doing so I believe you will truly be blessed.

I can sleep....most the time

2008-02-28T00:32:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here, up at 12:30AM, a very rare occurance, thinking about a time it wasn't so rare.
For a long time I would have sleepless nights, which led to fear of more sleepless nights. Now it's the exception, something that happens to everyone from time to time. Nothing to worry about or get anxious over, cool.
I have a tendancy to be very hard on myself taking the blame for everything and anything in an effort to make peace with those who would point the finger and condemn. I don't feel that way any longer, I just don't care, I'm happy.
Do I wish things have happened differently? Yes! Would I like to have a relationship with those whom I came to love and admire over the years? Yes! Does it matter in the end if I do or I don't? Or if things happened differently? Not really. Things are the way they are, you have to deal with them, embrace them and continue to move forward.
It is much easier for some people to plow through the circumstances of their lives and move forward than others. We experience things and process things differently, that's just the way it is.
So what if it takes one person to come back from a hamstring injury less time than another? It takes what it takes, it's not a moral issue. One person is better, more spiritual or whatever because they overcome faster than another. Yet that is what we do so often, we turn issues that are not moral issues into issues of right and wrong, when in fact they may be neither.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2007-12-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

It stuck me that I can extend this greeting with some sense of satisfaction and hope for the first time in ten years! I have to state that this last year has been the best I have had in a decade. From 1997 on I have been on a very difficult and trying path. I have experienced a few highs, but mostly a series of valleys that have tried me and tested me in every way imaginable. Yet in this past year I have emerged from the mist and find myself today very encouraged and hopeful regarding the future, something I haven't felt for a long time. For years it was a matter of making it through a day or an hour! But little by little and day by day, I am making it, becoming more alert, clear and confident in God and His good intentions for me.
I am certainly one who resonates and identifies with the pain and suffering of others, whether mentally, emotionally or spiritually. I am grateful for that ability, especially having re engaged in ministry full time, I'm a much safer and more helpful 'minister'.
Here's the kicker, the same 'agency', 'organization', 'institution', take your pick, that brought such great harm to my life, 'the church', is the the very same that has brought about healing.
Having been hurt by the church and please I am not and never have abdicated my own responsibility for my own failings, but I'm pretty sure that the response to my failures was neither appropriate nor helpful to say the least, yet the fact is it is the church that has brought healing to me. The church in all senses, meaning in the smaller context of 'where two or more are gathered' to the corporate gatherings or more organized dimension of the church.
In my hurt I disconnected, feeling that was the safest and best place to live. And although it felt right and appeared justified, it did me know good what so ever. I was wasting away and drying up. I began to reconnect a little over two years ago, at the most intimate level, literally in the 'two or more' are gathered place. I re connected with a couple friends from when I was a pastor with Calvary Chapel Yorba Linda in 1978. For the first year, we laughed, cried, complained and whined about the years gone by. But in the midst of it all we experienced the love and mercy of Christ and His living presence. Frankly without even noticing it, I was being healed, life was returning and hope suddenly existed. At the same time I re connected with the local church, leading worship and ministering in areas of my giftedness and calling and that has brought me further along than I had believed or hoped I could come.
This is a long, long story and there are many twist and turns, but for today I just want to say that I am thankful and look forward to this New Year.
By the way I don't feel strong in the sense of personal confidence or ability, my strength is found in my state of weakness and dependence on the living Christ to live in and through me. It is His grace and His mercy, His unconditional and everlasting love that I depend on. No me and not my own ability.
So Happy New Year and here's to a great 2008!

WHEN THE PAST RUINS THE PRESENT

2007-11-30T15:38:00.000-08:00

A wise man once said, ‘When your memories of the past obscures your vision of the future, it leaves you bankrupt in the present.’

I’ve been involved with ‘the church’ for most of my life. I was part of a great Quaker, I was Ordained as a Calvary Chapel Pastor in 1977, helped found the flagship church of the Vineyard Movement and now serve at Faith
Community Church in Thousand Palms as the Outreach and Worship pastor.

I have so many great memories each of the places I have been and have been fortunate to be a part of some wonderful times of great blessing. I am thankful for that, BUT, I don’t want to go back there!
Over and over again I hear people in the church pining for days gone by. ‘Gosh remember when the worship was…. fill in the blank.’ ‘Remember when the church was so small you knew every ones name.’ The list is endless. Why do we always think the past is better than the present or the future?

The fact is things change, they grow, they improve, I’m sorry but in my opinion they get better. I have written songs that were widely used in churches throughout the world over the past two or three decades, but I don’t believe there is one of them that compares to the songs that Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin, Paul Balouche and others are writing today. The worship music has improved so much over the past twenty years and I am blessed by the growth and change.

It’s not that the past isn’t relevant , nor do we discard the richness of our heritage, but it is important to keep things in perspective. We should know our roots, understand the past, but rather than hold us back it should be foundational to what we are doing today and prepares us for where we are going in the future.

So we celebrate the past, and embrace the present with thanksgiving, which prepares us to mover forward embracing the vision God gives us for the future.

Worship and Compassion

2007-11-30T15:35:00.000-08:00

In my last article I wrote of being ‘affected by the Gospel’, by that I mean that the Gospel has impacted us in such a way that it causes us to see the world differently and to act differently.
I became a Christian in 1965 and for most of that time I have been deeply involved in the life of the church. To this day I find myself surprised by the lack of compassion and empathy amongst Christians. I don’t know how you can separate worship from compassion, if we are connecting with God on a deeper level, if we are saying that we desire to honor him and to serve him, how can we at the same time distain the weak, broken, poor and needy.
I have seen and heard it over and over again, people explaining away the need to be compassionate towards those who have gotten themselves in a mess. We seem to believe if the ‘bad choices’ someone has made has led them to their present condition that we are absolved of any responsibility to give care or help to such a person.
I don’t see anywhere in the life and example of Jesus that could possibly lead one to that conclusion. Jesus said to ‘give to anyone who asks of you expecting nothing in return’ (Luke 6) Why? Jesus answers the question this way, ‘But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.’
I’m not talking about ‘enabling’ here, I’m talking about empathy, identifying with the brokenness of others, remembering ‘but there by the grace of God go I’. Which we often give lip service to, but secretly don’t identify with.
The fact is Jesus never places qualifiers on those who are the recipients of his kindness, he never sought out the most deserving. Think of the ‘women at the well’, a serial adulterer, a Samaritan, as undeserving and unclean as one could get in that culture and time. Yet Jesus much to her surprise initiates a dialogue with her, setting an example for you and me.

I have I have heard countless diatribes over the years comparing modern America to Sodom and Gomorrah, well maybe that’s true. Here is what the Bible says the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was,

" 'Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. Ezekiel 16:49

As we approach this season of overindulgence and unbridled consumerism, I would hope that those who worship Jesus, will keep our eyes open to those around us who are poor and needy and I pray our hearts ache for and identify with them and that as an act of worship we will extend ourselves, at the very least by coming aside organizations that have as their mission a call to serve the least of the least. Yet at the same time not turning away from our own personal expressions compassion which bring honor and glory to God.

What Make A Great Worship Song?

2007-11-30T15:33:00.000-08:00

I am probably opening a can of worms here by trying to answer this question, after all when it comes to music, art, poetry, there is much to be said for the saying ‘beauty is in the eyes (ears, hearts) of the beholder’, in other words our taste in music can vary greatly and in many aspects is based on subjective criteria, but what the heck I’ll try and identify some of the common denominators of what I believe makes a great worship song.

The songs I am referring to by the way are the ones that have emerged over the past 30 years as worship has evolved to become more culturally relevant and current in the medium and the message. Obviously there are great hymns that have been written over the centuries and are still in use today in churches throughout the world. Some would argue that they have more depth and are better musically than the songs we are utilizing today. I don’t hold that opinion, but will tackle that in a future article.

So based on the songs that are song today in hundreds of thousands of churches around the world, what makes one song stand out over and against another.
For the sake of space of which I am limited, I will make these bullet points with a touch of explanation.
Content: Are the lyrics based on truths set forth in the Bible? Are they sound doctrinally, and theologically? Do they reflect what one wants to say, to or about God?

Melody: I have listened to songs that have come straight from the scripture that are really bad and I have felt people at times have gone way to far in stating ‘the Lord gave me this song’!

Is it memorable? Is it accessible? That is, can most people who are meant to sing the song, sing it? It may be a great song, it may have great lyrics, a great melody and ‘hook’, but if it can’t be sung, what makes it a worship song?

Simplicity: I’m sure this will get a rise out of some, there has been much criticism of contemporary worship because of its simplicity and I believe much of it is unwarranted. The Bible is filled with simple statements that are profoundly true, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except by me.’ Not terribly complex but profound and true.

If people can sing it and it’s easily transferable a song will travel around the world and be used to engage God’s people together in worship, think of ‘I Love You Lord’, ‘How Great is Our God’, ‘Shout to the Lord’, in fact the songs that are used throughout the world by congregations of every tribe and nation are songs like these examples. They can be played with the simplest accompaniment or non at all, lending themselves to be used, which is the point right? People gathering with their hearts and lives open to God, expressing praise, adoration, thanks and honor to God.

Online Seminar

2007-08-27T14:23:00.001-07:00

I will be speaking at an online worship seminar, this Thursday, August 30th at 8PM Eastern time. It's free and the participants are from all over the globe.
Cut and paste this link into your web browser: http://www.worshipteleseminar.com

Corprate Worship: Vertical or Horizontal?

2007-08-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

Worship is a huge topic and you can go many different directions in defining and explaining worship. In this article I want to explore the corporate dynamic of worship over and against personal and private worship or worship as a way of life, or many other of its aspects. There is now doubt that corporate worship has changed dramatically over the last 35 years, yes it’s been 35 years plus since the Jesus Movement sweep the world and began introducing a whole new approach to our corporate worship. Locally here in Southern California it was manifest through the ministry of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa led by Pastor Church Smith. In those early days bands began to form like Love Song, Parable, Children of the Day and simple songs that people could sing along with began to emerge. Songs like Heavenly Father We Appreciate You, I Love You Lord, Seek Ye First and many others. A record company, Maranatha Music, was started specifically to record and in the end document this new sound. If you witnessed this it was a remarkable experience. There was a sweetness, innocence and intimacy that couldn’t be achieved with the traditional hymns. Now I don’t want to open that can off worms right now, but hymns by and large were written literally centuries ago and the music, language and arrangements reflect that. These new songs were coming forth from a new generation of believers and although simple, which some people criticize, they not only drew people in and allowed them to participate at a new level and actually acted as a teaching tool. You may be critical of the simplicity of the music of Seek Ye First, but are you honestly going to argue about its content. Frankly I believe that inculcating people with the message through music is one of the most powerful tools that can be utilized to teach. That is precisely what the Wesley brothers did in the 1700’s, Charles Wesley writing over 2000 songs most with the expressed purpose of imparting biblical and doctrinal knowledge to the Methodist. Things have changed significantly from both the 1700’s and even from the 1970’s. When Love Song used to do their concerts and lead the people at times in ‘worship songs’, it was very simple in every way. But it was engaging and people would appear to be transported into a euphoric state as they opened their hearts to God. Today the music has progressed in a remarkable manner, the ‘garage bands’ have been replaced by highly skilled ‘worship artist’ and ‘praise bands’ that have generated some incredible music, through which we can engage and participate in worship. But the one thing that we need to be sure to remember is, it really isn’t about the band, the atmosphere or even excellence. All of those things are good and fine, as long as we don’t ‘progress’ to the point where we lose the vertical aspect of worship. When it becomes horizontal and we move into either entertaining or being entertained we loose the main component, meeting with and connecting with God. In corporate worship that is the goal, to come together as His body and based on the promise of His presence ‘where two or more are gathered’, we come before him opening up our lives and our hearts anxious to experience more of Him in our lives.

Funeral Today!

2007-08-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

I am particapating in a funeral today. We don't use the word funeral very often these days, usually a memorial or celebration service. But this one certainly isn't a celebration, it's a tragety.
The sevice is for a young lady, 29, who died of alcohal poisoning. I don't know her and don't know much about the circumstances surrounding this situation. I just know that the husband asked if I would sing, so I will, but it is so sad. We actually don't know much if anything about her faith, whether she came to Christ as some point and strayed, or was a Christian addicted to alcohol or what. I just know if it takes the faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain, which is pretty minuscule, then if there was a speck of faith in her troubled heart, Jesus would respond to it like it was the size of a 5 carrot diamond.
Recently a friend of mine observed in his blog the heart of the Father, as revealed in the heart of the prodigals father. He made the point that when the father was standing scanning the horizon in the hopes of seeing his son, he had no idea what the son had gone through, no idea that he had hit bottom, no idea that he was returning with a repentant heart, but he stood, he watched, he hoped and when the son came into view his heart lept with joy and he held his arms open wide, his soud flooded with love and relief.
I don't know the heart of this young women, no human being really did, all I know is if she even glanced toward God He took notice and has now welcomed her with a warm, forgiving and loving embrace.
I know that my hope is just that, it is hope that all we read, all that we see revealed in Jesus will no longer be hope, but be realized as we are welcomed home.

Man I'm a bad blogger!

2007-07-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

If blogging requires writing your thoughts daily than I'm am the worst. I get side tracked and focused on other stuff and simply forget to do it. Not that it's all that important to anyone else, I have found though it can be good for me to get my thoughts out.

So here are some random thoughts. I just had my three youngest kids around for a few weeks and it was wonderful. My youngest are 13, 15 and 17, it's amazing how fast time has gone by and how much they have grown up. Sophie the 17 year old just competed a trip to Nicaragua with a team from my church to an orphanage established by Builder for Children. I was really pleased that she went and love her heart for the poor and especially for children.

Of course as you get older you appreciate that things that really matter more and more, it is especially true for me regarding my children. They have made life worth it and really keep me focused and engaged in the future. Even when things don't work out the way you think they should or as you had wished, they make all the ups and downs worth it.

I have allot of thoughts flowing around these days but will have to get them organized and start writing them out and hopefully some of you will interact with me regarding them.

Trusting and Resting in Jesus

2007-07-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

This last Sunday I taught at our church about the 'mind games' we play with ourselves and with others. Within the context of that talk I made the statement, 'The way in is the way on.' I was stating it in the context of staying in touch with our need for dependance and rest in the sufficiency of Christ and His provision. What I am saying is that we began, engaged in a relationship with Christ through faith and the truth is the way on is accomplished through faith as well. Not 'principles', 'keys', 'steps' 'choices', or other methods of growing in or maintaining our relationship with Christ. There is nothing wrong with 'keys', 'principles' et cetera, in and of themselves, but when we begin to rely on them as a means of justification, we are making a subtle shift from relatioinship to religion in my opinion. It seems to me to be deeply entrenched in humon nature to become prideful when we are able to achieve spiritual goals that we or others set up. For instance, we make a commitment to pray every day for 15 minutes and read the Bible for 30 minutes daily. Is that a bad thing? Of course not, who is going to come against prayer or Bible reading? The problem comes when we conclude that we are 'more spiritual' than someone else or feel like this somehow gains up a closer standing with God. It's not wrong to do good things, what's wrong is to draw the wrong conclusion and becoming judgmental towards others who don't meet the standards thay you have set for yourself.

You've been erased!

2007-05-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

I received an inquiry recently regarding my absence from the 25 year anniversary of the Association of Vineyard Churches and the 30 year anniversary of the Anaheim Vineyard. Along with it came a question regarding my exclusion from a songbook that included the Vineyards top 100 songs.
Hmmmm, Don't know exactly what to say, other than it's okay. It is a bit strange to be 'erased', but on the other hand I probably received more accolades, visibility and affirmation than I deserved in times past. In other words, at one time I was very visible in 'the movement', now I'm invisible, neither has anything to do with who I am.
When I was 'visible' or popular, whatever the right word is, I tried to accept it and be as down to earth as possible. Now being invisible, I seek to handle it the same way. 'The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.'
Seen or unseen by people, I am still a child of God, attended to and looked after by God my Father, I'm good with that.

Isolation and growth

2007-04-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

I was reflecting on the last 3 years of my life recently and specifically thinking about the times that I spent disconnected and isolated from others, my choice. It's what I felt like doing, I was trying to avoid relationships and any connection with most people. When I say it is what I felt like doing, what I mean is I followed that inclination because I thought it would make me feel better. Well it didn't and in fact as I look back on all that alone time, I really can't identify any way in which I was helped. I can't think of how I profited or what I gained. What I thought would do me some good, did me no good at all. Which isn't terribly uncommon, we feel an itch we obey the impulse to scratch it, even if does more harm than good. I was infected with Poison Ivy one time and it was bad, really bad. I wanted to scratch the itch really bad, but it only made it worse and would cause it to spread. I had to resist the urge to do what felt like the right thing to do. I think there are many things like that in life, things that call upon us to obey and impulse, take an action, in the name of resolving something, when there are times, many times when the right approach to something is the exact opposite of what we feel is the right thing to do.
That's how it was with my isolation, it felt so right, I desired to be alone, couldn't wait, yet in the end it didn't help me at all. Obviously I'm not speaking here of withdrawing to contemplate, to draw near to God, God was there, but I wasn't drawing near.
I don't really have anything profound to say about this, in fact what I am experiencing now isn't any kind of revelation, but when I contrast the benefit I am receiving from being connected and engaged, over and against the isolation, there is no doubt that being connected is the way to go.

What we are engaged in and who we are engaged with is important as well. I am engaged in redeeming relationships with others and seeking in what ever little ways I can to sow into the Kingdom of God. I keep my eyes open and try and be alert as to what the Father is doing and any ways I can align myself with this. From all of this I am replenished and being healed and drawn forward.

When is a friend a friend?

2007-04-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

When is a friend a friend?
I had someone tell me recently about a revelation he came to regarding a 'friend' of hers. I know this person quite well and I knew who she was talking to me about. It totally suprised me when she said you know I just came to realize that 'Jane' -not her real name- really isn't my friend. Although suprised I felt like I knew what she was saying, I also didn't think it was my place to question this 'discovery'.
When I say I think I knew what she was saying, it was because over the years I have come to realize the same thing. That there are many people who say they are your friend, they would say that to you and would say that to others, but their behavior contridicts this claim. We all go through times when our friendships are closer than at other times, but I guess the question to ask is what is the relationship like in times of trouble? Someone told me when I began experiencing difficulties in my life, that I would find out who my friends are and they were right. The person who told me that in fact has turned out to be a wonderful and available friend. The truth is I don't see him much and we can go for long periods without communicating, but when I needed him most he was there and if I needed him now he would be there no doubt about it.
This has actually been a wonderful discovery. It's not that some of the people that I would have thought were my friends aren't nice people or even good people. More than likely they are, they just aren't real friends. And that is okay, you can only have some many really close relationships, so there is no use fooling yourself and spending energy on relationships that are based on pretense. No one needs that.
I have also discovered and realize more each day that the people that I am the most concerned about, in terms of there opinion of me, are the six people in the picture on my myspace home page. I am happy for the friendships and there are more than I could ever hope for, but the indespensible relationships are with my six children and my two grand daughters.

2007-04-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

Real men don’t like worship!

I recently read an article published in a periodical of a well known Christian college that blamed the decline in attendance for men in church to the worship. Specifically worship that is too feminine or intimate for men. The article was written by a woman, I don’t know whether that is here nor there, but it is interesting that a woman came to the conclusion that intimate and personal worship is hindering men from connecting with the church.

The article specifically pointed to songs like Breathe and songs like Draw Me Close To You. Both are very popular songs in the church today, with at last count Breathe being recorded on over 100 projects, one of the best selling of these is Michael W Smiths rendition, who happens to be a man.
Let’s look at the lyric to Breathe and see if there is something inherently feminine about it.
Breathe
Maria Barnett
This is the air I breathe; this is the air I breathe
Your Holy presence, living in me

And I am desperate for you
And I’m lost without you

This is my daily bread, this is my daily bread
Your very word living in me

Not to exegete the song like you would scripture, but I will use scripture to support the song.

When I read the words ‘this is the air I breathe’, the first thing that comes to mind is ‘In Him will live and move and have our being’ (Acts 17:28)
Is a statement that describes the truth about our relationship with God, that we owe him our very existence, feminine? Or is it simply a very direct and intimate, maybe too intimate?

The chorus of the song is very simple and reminds me of the some of the writings of King David, who I’m thinking was kind of a manly man.

Psalm 42
1. As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
First of all I would recommend that you read the rest of this Psalm, it is so emotional, personal and so intimate. And that is what I think we are dealing with here, not that ‘worship is feminine’ but for some it is too intimate and therefore uncomfortable, therefore we should beef it up? The article actually suggested that we need more songs like ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’, nothing like bringing up images of the Crusades.
This Psalm of David’s is clear declaration of David’s desperate need and longing for God. Are we going to dismiss David as being to expressive, too intimate, find our selves repulsed by his passion, like his wife Michal did when he danced naked before the Lord in front of the people! In answering Michal’s rebuke David proclaimed ‘I will become more undignified than this.’ Okay I admit, I would generally find myself aligning with Michal and would have been exceedingly uncomfortable with David’s ‘worship style’, but the question in worship is not ‘what makes me comfortable’, the question is ‘What does God require?’ Worship that is honest, open, passionate and deeply relational?
The last stanza of the song is pretty clear, referring to Jesus being our ‘daily bread’ ‘your very word, living in me’. Need I say more?
What I think we have expressed in this song and songs like Draw Me Close to you, are modern day Psalms, people penning the thoughts, feelings and emotions that they have when they reflect on God and His splendor, His love, mercy and grace. Are we going to argue that men need this sort of expression less than women? Are we going to say that it’s okay to express emotion without restraint at a sporting event, but when we are dealing with the most profound truths in the universe we need to reel it in? I could go on but I’m probably over my space limitations already. Maybe next month?
Real men don’t like worship! NOT!!

THE ESSENCE OF WORSHIP PT 2 TRUTH

2007-03-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Truth and Worship

In the previous blog I wrote about faith as one of the three characteristics that make up the fundamental substance of worship.
We all know that worship can be defined in many different ways and I’m certain that we know that worship is more than singing. In fact singing is a simple expression of our worship, a way in which we express our love, adoration and devotion to God.
What ingredients are essential for worship to be expressed whether in singing, through service or ministry? In my last article a proposed that I felt there are three primary characteristics that are necessary for worship to take place, faith, truth and intimacy. In my last column I wrote about faith or what I also call expectancy. The Bible says that ‘He who comes to God must believe that He is and He is a rewarder of those who seek him.’ It also says that ‘without faith it is impossible to please God.’ Therefore it is hard to imagine worship taking place where there is no faith. Gosh the Apostle Paul says in Romans that ‘ that which is down apart from faith is sin.’ So I think it is pretty obvious that faith can be seen as central to all that we do in the kingdom of God and especially in worship.

In this article I want to look at another ingredient that is a essential part of worship; truth. Jesus said, ‘those who worship God must worship in spirit and in truth.’ Which begs the question, What is truth? I think the truth that we are talking about in relationship to worship is recognizing the truth about ourselves and the truth about God. If I only consider the truth about myself without considering the truth about God I’m in big trouble. If I am honest with myself about myself then I fall way short of being all that I should or want to be. We can be dishonest with ourselves about our own condition, trying to cover up by outward appearances and internal rationalizations. But that is a huge mistake and something that God won’t stand for. David tried to go along his merry way after his affair with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband, but God sent a prophet to expose not just what he did but the condition of his heart. Many believe Ps 51 was a result of this ‘revelation’!

What is the first thing David says when he becomes aware of the truth about himself? He appeals to the truth about God!
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

When we realize who we are and what we are made of, we become acutely aware of our short comings. But instead of drawing back and trying to hide we need to run quickly to the cover of his ‘unfailing love, his compassion, his mercy.’ It’s the difference between the two men who Jesus observed praying, one thanking God he is not like ‘that sinner’, the man who was standing next to him. The other unable to even lift his eyes to heaven, calls out ‘ oh God be merciful to me a sinner.’ Which one walked away justified? God’s responds to a humble and contrite heart.
To worship in truth is to recognize that we are ‘poor, wretched, blind and naked’ and that we need to be clothed in the beauty and purity of the Lord. I cannot come to God on my own merit, but I can come freely and boldly to the throne of grace through the blood of Jesus that cleanses me and opens a way to God for me.
It is a comfort to know that the truth about God, trumps the truth about me, that is, as long as I am honest enough to admit the truth about me.

The Essence of Worship

2007-02-23T15:53:00.000-08:00

Faith -- The Essence of Worship

Essence: 1. Identifying nature: the quality or nature of something that identifies it or makes it what it is. Basic feature: the most basic element or feature of something

I first became involved in leading what we would call contemporary or modern worship in 1976, yes I know, ‘long ago in a galaxy far, far away’. It was a time when churches were just beginning to use ‘worship teams’ or ‘praise bands’ and the catalogue of music was somewhat sparse and was made up mostly of choruses that came from the Jesus Movement. In terms of resources like instructional materials, seminars, books and such, they just didn’t exist.

Fast forward to 2007 a time in which we have more resources than we could possibly digest in our lifetime. I recently signed up for a membership with CCLI (Christian Copyright Clearance International) that gives me access to 9,000 songs! Needless to say there is a lot of stuff out there, much of it really good and really helpful. I can assure you as well that there is a mountain of teaching regarding every aspect of worship and of course the church being the church lots of debate about virtually every aspect of worship ministry.

I want to focus worship and its essence, or ‘its most basic’ elements. I believe there are three ingredients that are necessary for worship to take place and for it to honor God and affect us. One is faith or what I will call expectancy, two would be honesty or truth and three would be intimacy. For this post, let’s focus on the ingredient of faith.

The scripture tells us in Hebrews that ‘without faith it is impossible to please God’. Therefore I would argue that without faith it is impossible to worship. The Bible doesn’t quantify the amount of faith we need, but we need some level of faith when we approach God, ‘he who believes in God, must believe that He is and He is a rewards those who seek Him.’ If we are approaching God, it must mean that we at some level believe in Him.

“God loves me, He wants me to come to Him” -- this is the attitude we need to approach God. He has good plans for us. Again as the writer of Hebrews tells us we are to ‘enter boldly into the throne room of grace through the blood of Jesus.” Or confidence is not in ourselves, it is in God, it is in the fact that we are at peace with Him because of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, who has provided full access to God the Father for us.

So when we worship in faith, our expectations are that God has good intentions towards us and that not only will we honor Him when we draw near through worship, we will be refreshed and blessed as well. Without the ingredient of faith there is no worship.

I would encourage you to think before you worship. Prepare your heart by considering who He is, what He has done and what He wants to do in your life. Then approach with expectancy. I believe He will reward your faith in Him.

Read comments again!!!

2007-02-23T15:51:00.000-08:00

I have been very remiss in keeping up with things, I'll tell you why soon, but as a result of updating my blog I came across several really good comments from people in response to the Haggard post. So when you can read the comments people make.
My next post will be related to worship and what I think are the essentials.

Blessings,
carl

Read the comments

2006-11-13T22:27:00.000-08:00

I'm guessing that most people don't read the comments after the blogs I post. But the one by Mike, is something we should all consider. In essence he is asking whether or not there is a correlation between the 'fallen leader' and the community of faith they fall within. In other words, do those who follow, those who support and those who idol's the celebrity leader need to take some responsibility for the 'failure' of their leaders. I place quotation marks around 'fallen' and 'failure' because I wonder about how we are going to define this. It almost goes back to the old question of whether or not if a tree that fall makes a sound if no one hears it. The fact is for years, maybe decades, a persons ministry is applauded and supported until the 'chink' in the armour is discovered. So for 20 years the person is a saint, a hero and icon and then suddenly they are deceivers, hypocrites and liars. Hmmmmm, could it be that some of the responsibility lies elsewhere? Could it be that when we develop systems which support celebrity outside of accountability, we are simply getting what we ask for?

We say that when 'one part of the body hurts we all hurt' but what we really say is because one part of the body hurts I am hurt', therefore we can judge and 'rebuke' the one who hurt us, without any attention being directed to our idolatry or our participation in the fallens, failure.

Another thing we should consider is, What about 'church discipline'? Could it be that the reason it is so dysfunctional and ineffective, is because there is nothing of this nature expressed in the scripture. Where does the Bible express and explain the exact procedures for 'church discipline'. Where does the Bible use the term 'church discipline'? Please don't quote Matthew 18 because that is all about forgiveness and restoration's. Please don't quote Galatians 6, because that is all about 'restoring such a one with gentleness'. Please don't quote Paul to Timothy who didn't in any way shape or form explain what the exact repercussions of 'rebuke and elder publicly' meant. We are the ones who have imparted meaning and definition to these text. No one on the planet can argue that they are explicit and defined for us.
We are left with general principles, biblical stories and common sense to develop philosophies for discipline and procedures. And in many cases, most cases? It appears none of the afore mentioned are utilized to bring about the healing and restoration of the fallen. The fact is, it appears to be the exception not the rule, when gentleness, compassion and any sense of fairness if applied when dealing with the fallen.
Mike raises a valid question and I have yet to hear or read about anyone who has addressed it. I guess it is so much easier to point the finger and wag the tongue, than it is to actually deal with these things in a just, fair and biblical manner.
As Bill O says, 'Am I wrong?' Inform me. Give me clear and tangible examples of when, where and how things are different. Something that is more than an accepting. In my opinion it is to far and in between. What's amazing is we have had 2000 years to figure it out and we are still muddling around.

I'll eat my blog!

2006-11-03T16:28:00.000-08:00

Note: I don't feel any different about this today than I did when I wrote this opinion. There is alot of posturing and proming going on related to this situation. I don't know where people come up with the 'formulas' for their processes or the time tables they throw out there, but they do it none the less. My feelings about this no doubt are influenced by my experience, but not only as it relates to me, but to so many people I have watch over the years. It is all just so sad and in my opinion shameful. I have recieved some stinging comments already and I have now respoinded, but I would love to hear from anyone who can shed light on the situation. I do know that restoration happens but it is rare and it isn't simply the result of a person failing to go through a process. If you care at all about the state of the church, how we do business, please read this, please think about this, it will happen again, will we ever get it right?

By now millions of people have been made aware of the failings of a Nationally known Christian leader, Ted Haggard. Some will wag their finger and click their tongue. Others will blindly and foolishly stand by their man, no matter what the facts are. Still others will broad brush all Christians as liars and hypocrites. But very few will step back examine themselves and then reach out to a brother who has fallen short of the the standards he himself has set, let alone what we would consider Gods standard.

Those who wag the finger, will single out the nature of the sin and condemn him. Somehow coming to the conclusion that our brothers sin is somewhat blacker and darker than any sin we might commit. How does one distinguish between a sexual sin and the sin of gossip? Is gossip somehow less harmful? Ever read the book of James? How about greed, selfish ambition? Has anyone ever been 'disciplined' for those sins? So what am I saying, that sexual sins are excusable and to be over looked? Not at all, but what I would say is, if we are going to 'discipline' then we should do so without partiality as it relates to the sin or the sinner.
Is there a pastor on the planet who has been disciplined for slander or gossip? Yet gossip is justified, overlooked and accepted as necessary, 'we need to know these things'. I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard this justified in Board meetings or Leadership gatherings.

I once heard a definition of gossip as this, 'it is telling the truth about another person that no one needs to know
."
The problem I have with 'church discipline' is it is so terribly flawed and inconsistent. Please someone somewhere give me a list of 'fallen leaders' who have not simply been disciplined, but restored! The vast majority are simply kicked to the curb, abandoned never to be heard from again. Or as the headline of today's paper read, "Pastor dismissed!" And dismissed he will be, left for the most part to face not only the damage of his own sin, but to bare the sins of those who have embraced him in his success, but don't know how in the world to approach him in his failure. I'm sure that those who are responsible for his 'discipline' will indicate that they are committed to him and will support him, but I have my doubts.
Okay and what about the disciplining of the disipliners! Will we be allowed to examine the examiners? Can we get a peak at their Internet history? Can we review their hotel bills? Their checkbooks? Can we speak with their neighbors, spouses or other family members? Will they reassure us that they have no 'secret sin', that is NO SIN that we are not aware of. Or are we to simply trust them to do what is in the best interest of the man, his family and the church. Please don't do that. Do not trust or take the word of those in charge of the process without them having to prove they are trust worthy. They shouldn't disclose the details of the process, but they should be wide open to how the operation is going and the qualifications of those performing surgery. Have they done this surgery before? How many people have they brought though a restoration process? Where are they? How are they doing?

I can here people now trying to dismiss me or invalidate what I am saying here, 'Oh he is just bitter.' I'm sorry but first of all that isn't the case. Secondly that isn't the issue. The issues are completely related to what is happening to this man Ted Haggard and his family. What is going to be done for him and them. Yes him, he can't be discarded because sin has been discovered. There is NOTHING in the BIBLE that encourages anything other than for him to be given help, 'restored with gentleness'. Send this out far and wide and show me in the Bible where he even has to be dismissed. What it says is he is to be 'rebuked' and publicly, 'so that all may fear'. Really so everyone will know that we don't play favorites. But we do, we have favorite sins that we discipline over and others we simply overlook. Can you imagine if a pastor rebuked before his congregation for sinful behavior, repented and moved forward in that church. Gosh I wonder if his preaching might become a touch less condescending? I wonder if the messages would be stripped of their shaming tactics and guilt inducing exhortations? I wonder if a message of compassion, grace and mercy might appear in place of these? Okay, I'm just fantasizing!

I also wonder about the people 'close' to Ted, how could they not see signs that he was not doing well or that he had 'developed splits'? Maybe they weren't that close at all. Maybe there had been a separation allowed to develop between him and those who worked 'for him', rather than with him. Gosh I wonder if the 'wonder boy' had been idolized by those around him, to the degree that they were blinded to his fallen nature.
I have serious doubts about a process which begins with someone being 'dismissed'. I don't think we will ever see or here from Ted again at the same level he is operating today. Therefore where is the restoration? Oh do you mean he can go to church? How nice.

Yes this ticks me off, without excusing any of his behavior. But his behavior doesn't for one minute justify the behavior of others. He may have 'disqualified himself' from 'elder ship' at least for a season, but he has done nothing worthy of what he is about to face from his brothers and sisters. Maybe those outside the Christian community have a right to respond to a person who has declared publicly his problems with them. But I don't think the church has much of right to do anything but to figure out 'what help is' and then give it in abundance, without judgment, lest they themselves be tempted. Tempted to do what? Sin against this brother.

I will tell you this here and now, if Ted Haggard of how the church finally does the right thing and ministers to a hurting and broken man and family, bring healing and restoration to them. I will eat my blog!

Not my thoughts, but something to think about!

2006-10-31T16:47:00.000-08:00

THERE ARE MANY WHO SEEK KNOWLEDGE FOR THE SAKE OF KNOWLEDGE: THAT IS CURIOSITY.

THERE ARE OTHERS WHO DESIRE TO KNOW IN ORDER THAT THEY MAY BE KNOWN: THAT IS VANITY.

OTHERS SEEK KNOWLEDGE IN ORDER TO SELL IT: THAT IS DISHONORABLE.

BUT THERE ARE SOME WHO WOULD SEEK KNOWLEDGE IN ORDER TO EDIFY OTHERS: THAT IS LOVE.
Bernard of Clairveaux

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Vineyard Blog

2006-10-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

People have asked me where is my 'Vineyard blog', it's in the March archives. If you can't find it there let me know, I think I can get it to you. Thanks for your interest.

God. Wow!

2006-10-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

From the New Heritage Dictionary:
Devise:
To form, plan, or arrange in the mind; design or contrive: devised a new system for handling mail orders.

Many of us have made mistakes, sinned, blew it, screwed up, whatever you want to call it. We have tried to mess this thing called life up in so many ways that it's hard to believe we are still standing.
What blows me away in my case is that I'm not just still standing, I am thriving. I have a more dependent and fruitful life in God now than I've had in decades, literally.
It is not because I have read the Bible more, prayed more, witnesses more, served more, sacrificed more or anything like that. I don't do those things to be blessed, I do those things because I am blessed.
I have had number of people tell me of late that they believe that God is doing great things in me, that I am in a season of favor and blessing. Well it is not because I deserve it or have earned it. The very most I have done is not quit, that's been my big part in this. I have never stopped believing in God or His good intentions for me, even when things were agonizing and dark. Even when I had absolutely nothing and couldn't figure out how I would ever see the light of day, I just couldn't stop believing in Him. I must state also I wasn't really counting on things getting better. I figured if it was my lot to live in that condition, so be it, I knew God didn't owe me anything. The truth is and I know it's not this way for everyone, but I had to come to a place of having nothing, so I could know I had Him, or better yet He had me.
You see there is evidence that God is a schemer, that he figures out how to bring about good from bad. He brings beauty forth from the ashes, revives, restores, strengthens and blesses. Even when we are outcast, when we feel abandoned and lost, God is making plans, devising ways to bring us back, even from death to life. It is way bigger than devising a 'system for delivering mail orders', he devises ways to deliver us!

There is this fascinating verse in 2Samuel 14:14

Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him.

This was stated in reference to Absalom , who had been sent to a 'city of banishment', a place from which no one returned. Yet it was God's heart to bring back someone from such a place as this. A place he deserved to be in. A place he was required to stay in! Still God was planning, figuring out, making a way, for the banished person to be restored to his family, to community, to life.
Can you imagine the God who said, "Let there be light and there was light", trying to 'devise' a way to bring good out of bad. It may seem like a tall order for you and me, but it isn't much of a challenge for God at all. It is His heart to do so, it is in His nature to redeem. He specializes in building with flawed materials. Have you ever read the Bible? Some of those folks had some serious problems and yet God was able to do remarkable, miraculous things through them.
The players have changed today, the people we read about in scripture are long gone, but God is the same, 'yesterday today and forever'. ' He is faithful even when we are faithless', how do you lose in a deal like this?
He starts and He finishes, He never fails and His love endures forever. Amen and amen!

Friends a different view

2006-10-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

In another blog I wrote something to the effect that everyone who calls themselves your friend isn't necessarily your friend.' I certainly came at it from a more critical point of view, which I think is alright, actually I think it's good. If we never looked at things critically Christians wouldn't have their faith today. It was Paul's criticism of Judaism that gave us the letter to the Galatians. The Apostle John's concerns regarding Gnosticism, simply stated, spiritual elitism, that gave us 1John. Without criticism we wouldn't have The Apostles Creed, the Church counsels or loads of other important things. In other words I believe we should examine things to see if they are true, kind of a Berean thing.
Having made that clear as mud, let me proceed to wax eloquent about the beauty of friendship. If you have friends, people who know you and love you, you are a very fortunate person. Friendship is such a wonderful gift, it keeps one safe, it keeps us growing and moving forward. There is no way that I would be where I am today on my own, I have needed friends to help me, sometimes carry me. They helped me to believe that everything was going to be okay, that I would make it if I just hung on. The friends God has given me have made all the difference in the world to my life. They have given to me when I had absolutely nothing to give in return. They have brought healing to me, have nursed me along that way and have supported me as I have made my first feeble steps forward. To have friends that love you unconditionally, who stand with you and stand up for you is something I hope everyone experiences.
The truth is I didn't even know I had friends like this until I was in a difficult and dark place, it became very evident to me that I did because they came an met me there.
What has made me think about my old friends, is the new friends that I am making. I couldn't make new friends now if it wasn't for the kindness and generosity of my old friends, so I even owe that to them. I am grateful because making new friends has enriched me so much, bringing new challenges to me,
stretching me, making me think and bringing me joy. There was honestly a point in time that I felt I could never be happy again and I was resigned to it, believing I didn't deserve to be happy anyway. But that's not the case, I feel alive again, I have hope, dare I say I am enjoying life.
Now I want to be a great friend, I want to be someone who is faithful, loyal and loving. I want to give out of the abundance that God has given me, I am willing to risk, I am willing to lose.
There was a time I would have thought only of self preservation, not wanting to experience hurt or loss again. But then you meet people who draw you out, who cause you to risk, because the reward is so attractive. If you can know and be known and loved, it is worth the risk. If you are stirred up to be better, to do better, it is worth the risk. If you can add something to someones life, if you can bring healing to someone else, it is worth the risk.
God gives us so many gifts, he is so generous in all His ways to us and I'm thinking one of the greatest gifts He gives us is friendship.

NOW Oct 22, Inland Vineyard

2006-09-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

I will be doing a night of worship at the Inland Vineyard on Oct 22. I am hoping to see some old friends there.
Kim Gentes the founder of Worshipmusic.com will be leading as well. The special treat for me is to have my son in law Trey Tatum leading with us as well. You can follow this link for more info. http://www.worshipgathering.com/nightWorship.php

I am part of a church because.......

2006-09-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

Recently (Febuary)I became an active member of a local church, that's recent when you consider I wasn't really connected for about 9 years. Church is a quirky thing in our day and age at least it is in my opinion, you can pretty much pitch your tent anywhere you want, gather a group of people, develop a set of rules and call it church. It's hard for Protestants to say much to defend the constant fragmentation of 'the church'. I think the Orthodox and Catholics can argue for consistency and continuity far more persuasively than 'we' can. I hate to place myself in the 'we' but that's who I am. I looked into Orthodoxy and I was a Catholic, so to some degree I understand there positions. More importantly I appreciate them and believe we have allot to learn from them, but that's another blog at another time.
What I am writing about is my connection to a local church and why. I was confirmed Catholic and converted to Protestantism when I was eleven and joined up with the fundamentalist evangelical sect of that stream. I went from being a Quaker, the West Coast version, to Calvary Chapel to Vineyard. And yes C.C. and Vineyard are fundamentalist at the core. From that early age I became involved at a level that could put a full time minister to shame. I was at everything and doing anything needed from the time I was 11 to 43. At that point I hit the wall, had lost any sense of direction, I was just an all around mess for a while. Was the time and energy that I gave to 'the ministry' worth the loss? The answer was clear, No! Opportunity isn't the same thing as doing the Lords work. It took it's toll and for almost a decade, with the exception of putting my toe back in the water here and there, I avoided 'church'. To be frank, I felt it did me more harm than good for a boat load of reasons. I became so tired of the hype, the promises, the visions, missions and calls to action by insecure and ambitious people. It really wasn't hard to identify in others what at one time had been so prevalent in me.
But then I came across this little independent church, that had some questionable lineage of it's own, it was born out of the disruption of another church. And although not perfect, of course I knew the chance of any church being perfect was blown the minute I walked through it's doors, it has become home.
I have never sought perfection. I can't tell you how many times I have had people tell me, 'Well no church is perfect' as an excuse for a lack of integrity, accountability, honesty, authenticity and innocence. I'm not looking for perfection, that would be stupid, that isn't going to happen. I just want to be connected and work out my faith with people who are honest about who they are and what they are, sinners in need of a Saviour! I want to be with people who want to make a difference to whatever degree God grants them the grace to do. Enough with the 'change the world' challenges and calls. How about changing the world we actually live in starting with ourselves. How about realizing we are not two clicks away from the person living under the bridge. I honestly believe if a person doesn't get that, that they don't get it.
Evangelism at it's core is simply, 'one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread.'
What I have found at this little church is leadership that is accountable to an appropriate degree, innocence, a willingness to take a risk if it will benefit the community of faith, integrity and authenticity. Ordinary people seeking to do an extraordinary thing, change lives, one person at a time. Facilitating a real relationship with the Lord, that is based on His strength, His holiness, His compassion and His beauty. Gosh it's kind of a 'it is not I who lives, but Christ who lives in me', thing.

I am happy to be a part of this place, glad that I get to contribute with my life experience, talents and gifts, it helps me to know that those things which have been gained at a price, can be put to good use somewhere.

Like I wrote earlier church today is wide open, it's like going to Cold Stone for ice cream and coming up with whatever combination you want. I'm not advocating this, nor saying it's best, but it is, what it is. The key is in the ingredients. At the core is there integrity, accountability, honesty, compassion and a big old portion of God's grace. Is there an honest, fair and practical understanding of the Word of God, not a rigid and often times unfair use of the Bible to guilt, shame and beat people into compliance.
I have always encouraged those I have had influence with to not check their Bible and brains when they walk through the doors of the church. Listen, watch, think about where you are, what is being said.
If we are going to have a positive, encouraging and beneficial experience with 'church', we need to be engaged and we need to care.
I'm happy I'm 'back', I know Jesus loves His bride as fragmented as she might be, wherever you belong, make sure it's a place that has the beauty of the Lord on it.

Time heals all wounds?

2006-09-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has ever experienced a tragedy has heard the phrase, 'time heals all wounds', when one is going through the pain and agony of the trials and tribulations of life it seems so trite and it is beyond ones imagination that something so simply stated could be possibly true. Emotional pain is deeply felt and so real it is hard to imagine it ever going away or lessening. It is difficult to believe that things will ever be okay again, let alone that things can one day even be better.

But for the most part I think it is true. The 'for the most part' is a qualifier, because there are some wounds that diminish in terms of the pain, but never, ever truly go away. I recently came across a tape of a memorial service that a friend of mine gave me of his sons funeral. His son Jeffery a friend of mine had died prior to the end of our senior year in High School of cancer. He died an agonizing and prolonged death. His father gave me this tape at least a 20 years after the death of his precious boy, yet the wounds remained. The pain was evident, the sorrow was something he would take to his grave. So there are always exceptions to any statement that attempts to explain in brief, something as complex as the death of a child, a murder of an innocent mother, the rape of a vulnerable and defenseless human being, a wayward child, or death of a marriage. I acknowledge this in an attempt to not belittle or invalidate the horrific experiences that people face that will never fully be healed in this lifetime.
That said, there are many experiences that we have in this life, when we are going through them feel we could never ever recover from the pain and devastation of these these events introduce to our life.

The reality appears to be though that the pain does ease, the effects of the trauma wane and we somehow are able to move on in our lives. This is truly a gift from God. Many people turn to God in times of trouble, hoping that He will see them through the 'dark night of the soul', some don't. Whether one turns to God or not, the truth is time still heals and we do recover because our creator in His wisdom has made us in such a way that we do heal. I choose to give thanks to God for this wonderful ability, the ability to recover, to heal, to feel joy again. Of course when you are going through the difficulty it is close to impossible to believe or feel that this could be so. In fact when you are in the middle of your trial, it's hard to feel anything at all other than the pain. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are enveloped in utter darkness. One thing is almost certain, it isn't much of a help to the suffering one, to hear saying like, 'time heals all wounds', it also doesn't help much to hear stories about how you went through something horrible and made it through. For the most part people just to know that you are with them, you love them, you are not obligated to come up with something that will alleviate their pain and suffering. In most cases it's supposed to hurt! God created those feelings too. How do you lose a child and not feel your heart is being ripped from your chest? I don't understand how it works, I just know that if I didn't experience the pain that I have, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Having gone through it and come out on the other side, I am a more understanding, compassionate person.

Yes there is a time to say something but it's not when someone is filled with anguish and grief. My son recently took a nasty spill on his bike, hitting his forehead and getting some nasty asphalt burns, he was crying and very upset. The fact is when I saw him and heard his story, I got shooting pains down my legs, I felt so bad for him and simply comforted him. I didn't launch into a tirade on bike safety. Did we eventually talk about what happened and how to prevent it of course, but when he was bleeding and upset was not the time.

Being a Christian and for the most part spending the majority of time with the tribe, I have observed a real lack of compassion from those who have been the recipient of such and all encompassing compassion. We are so quick to lecture, to thoughtlessly throw out a Bible verse, I'm not against Bible verses, but they are not to be indiscrimately used as some sort of magical cure all. Christians who lack compassion scare me.

Time heals all wounds? Yes I believe it does and I believe it is a gift from God and the pain is a gift to, it makes us better people.

Friends???

2006-07-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

When is a friend a friend? I had someone tell me recently about a conclusion she came to regarding a 'friend' of hers. I know this person quite well and I knew who she was talking about. It totally surprised me when she said 'you know I just came to realize that 'Jane' -not her real name- really isn't my friend.' Although surprised I felt like I knew what she was saying. When I say I think I knew what she was saying, it was because over the years I have come to realize the same thing. That there are many people who say they are your friend, they would say that to you and would say that to others, but their behavior contradicts this claim. We all go through times when our friendships are closer than at other times, the question to ask is, 'What is the relationship like in times of trouble?' Someone told me when I began experiencing difficulties in my life, that I would find out who my friends are and they were right. The person who told me this, in fact has turned out to be a wonderful and available friend. The truth is I don't see him much and we can go for long periods without communicating, but when I needed him most he was there and if I needed him now he would be there, no doubt about it.
This has actually been a wonderful discovery. It's not that the people that I would have thought were my friends aren't nice people or even good people. More than likely they are, they just aren't really my friends. And that is okay, you can only have some many really close relationships, so there is no use fooling yourself and spending energy on relationships that are based on pretense, no one needs that.
I have also discovered and realize more each day that the people that I am the most concerned about, in terms of there opinion of me, are my six children, I am happy for the friendships I have and there are more than I could ever hope for, but the indispensable relationships are with my six children and over time my grand children.
So who are your friends? The truth is, they are the people who act like it. People who don't always act in their own interest. People who think about you and act upon their thoughts. If they don't, guess what, they really aren't your friends.

Long ago in a galaxy far away.....

2006-07-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

I just received a note from someone who commented on what he observed in the early stages of the group that eventually would become Calvary Chapel Yorba Linda, then in 1982 change it's name to The Vineyard Christian Fellowship.
The thing he pointed out was the simplicity that earmarked this group and he is right in observing this. It was very simple in it's formula, we would 'worship' for a long, long time, which in terms of song selection was really challenging at that time, because we didn't have the catalogue of worship songs that we have today. When we finished worshipping we broke up into little groups and we prayed 'for one another'. The ground rule was that you could only ask for prayer for yourself. You weren't allowed to talk about other people or other churches.

His note caused me to reflect on this time and some of the other elements that appeared to create an environment where God could move. There seemed to be a quite and corporate brokenness, a deep sense of need and a hunger for God. No one was thinking of starting a church at the time, there was no 'vision' or agenda in the beginning, just a sense that as Christians we had lost our pure and innocent relationship with Jesus. We had sacrificed it for 'service', ministry, mission ....fill in the blank, but the purity of simply seeking to be a follower of Christ had been lost along the way and we certainly didn't know how to get it back, in fact we probably couldn't have even identified the fact that we had lost it. We just knew that something wasn't right on a very deep level, the passion was certainly absent and the fullness of what we had experienced as young Christians had now turned into a sense of emptiness and there was a sadness concerning this loss. So first and foremost this time was earmarked with a deep awareness of our need.
It was also a time of real humility, those who had once been so sure of themselves were having to face the fact that they didn't have all the answers. Those who had been puffed up, had become deflated by their own failures and shortcomings. And everyone was willing to admit it openly not caring how others would judge them, but the surprise was no one was in the mood to judge anyone else, it appeared that God had imparted a sense of weakness in all of us.

It was in this environment that God came and moved on the hearts of a little rag tag group of people, it was a time of innocence, purity, neediness and humility and our ability to connect with God through our worship as infantile as it was, brought such healing and restored so much hope.

I guess the sad thing is that it was long, long ago, we grew, we caught attention world wide, we became 'something' and we became self conscience. We noticed that God was using us and the reality is over a period of time the innocence was gone, the weakness became strength, the humility became pride, and the purity was polluted. I guess that is what we can expect when we no longer 'glory in our weakness', when our need to do becomes greater than our need to be. Driveness and hard work take the place of dependence and rest.

So as I think about that time on the one hand I am blessed to know that God in His mercy would move in the way He did. I'm also saddened at how hard it would be today to identify any of the characteristics of that earlier time.

May God have mercy on us, one and all and make us aware that 'we can do nothing apart from him'. We may look like we are doing something and it may look like God is at work, but if He is not in terms of the values of the kingdom of God, I wonder if it's worth it?

Turning the corner

2006-07-03T17:24:00.000-07:00

July 2, marked 9 years since I resigned as Pastor at the Anaheim Vineyard. The past 9 years have been a series of ups and downs, marked by times of depression, despair, confusion and pain. In the midst of that there has been a steady sense of God's presence and support/favor, whatever you want to call it, it is very clear to me He has been with me through it all. It just dawned on me that I have turned a corner, that things are brighter, I haven't felt depressed nor succumbed to it's grasp in a long time.
There appears to be several reasons for this. First of all is God's longsuffering nature, He has been patient and compassionate at every turn. Another thing has been I have six wonderful children who have kept me going, I could never give up knowing how that would affect them. They are my earthly reason for living. Friends, have made another remarkable difference, God has placed people in my path sometimes for a moment, sometimes for months and a few on an ongoing basis. They have been His representatives and it is amazing how these people have impacted me. I am so glad they reached out, so glad they believed in me, so glad they care, it has made such a difference in my life. Although the number is far less than what I might have expected based on the breadth of my relationship base, in reality it has been a lot of people. Way more than I deserve and way more than most people would have, I am very grateful. I point each of these things out because I hope it will encourage others who are journeying through dark and difficult times. Look for the sign posts of Gods working along the way and take comfort in the fact that He is at work, He doesn't give up, He doesn't lose faith, He never ceases to care. And if you know someone who is struggling, don't hesitate to reach out, even with a note or phone call, you will not believe the difference it can make. I have had phone calls out of the blue that have helped me to make it through another day, when I wasn't sure I could make it another hour.
Pray for me that I will have the time and get the discipline to write and recount all of this as an encouragement to others.

Worship

2006-05-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

Years ago I received as a gift the book A Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster. In the chapter on worship which is worth purchasing the book for alone, the chapter begins with the following quote:
Worship
To worship is to quicken the conscience by the holiness of God
To feed the mind with the truth of God
To purge the imagination by the beauty of God
To open the heart to the love of God
To devote the will to the purpose of God
William Temple, late Archbishop of Cantebury

I have always felt it is the most concise and content laden definition I have ever read. At some point I will unpack it as I understand it on this blog, but I just wanted to put it out there for others to ponder.

I just unpacked this statement in a message at the Gilber Vineyard and will make the cd available through my website. If you have the time think through this statement, it is rich and I think meditating on it will benifit you.

2006-04-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

I just left a post on an old friend’s blog in relationship to lies and how lies affect us. Specifically when we lie to others, our self and even God, we are in effect isolating ourselves. It is in this place of isolation that we are able to rationalize and make excuses regarding our attitudes and behaviors. Isolation and rationalization lead us to delusional thinking. I know we generally equate delusional thinking with the mentally ill, but I think there is an application here for all of us. When we act in ways that are sinful and somehow justify them, we are bearing witness to the fact that we have become delusional. We come to the place where we call what is wrong right and we call what is right wrong. It is through relationship, or connectedness, that the light shines on our hearts, revealing the truth, bringing us to our senses. There is no relationship where there is no truth, only isolation that leads to self deception, leading to the destruction of relationships that bring healing and restoration.

Hmmmm.....

2006-03-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

I finally published a paper explaining my experience over the past few years and got out some things that to date I have not discussed publicly. I feel great! What is that, I mean I really feel good, at peace, content, ready to leave it all behind and just because I commited somethings to paper? I would have never imagined that it would have such an impact on me, yet it has and I am glad.

Another View:My Experience with Failure and the Vineyard

2006-03-22T18:40:00.000-08:00

A Different Point of View
By Carl Tuttle

Note: This is my third revision of this article. I have tried to delete the redundancy and some comments that aren't germane to the subject. I guess the way I would answer the 'why are you still dealing with this', question, is to liken this to a botched surgery. The patient is left to deal with the after affects and sometimes to endure more surgeries until the problems are corrected. I know that is simplistic but anyone who has ever suffered abuse or injustice knows that the affects from these don't just go away, there is a need for some form of closure. that's what this has been for me. Oh yeah it is really long!

A Different Point of View
By Carl Tuttle (revised)

Writing is a challenge for me, my mind works faster than my fingers. My thoughts race ahead while the words on the page lag behind. This is a problem because I have so many thoughts, ideas and, oh yes, opinions that I would like to share. I'm going to do my best, and of course, I will have this reviewed and corrected, but an editor can only do so much.

I write in a conversational style, so get used to it. Here's my best shot.

I am going to tell my story about my resignation as the Senior Pastor of the Vineyard Christian Fellowship of Anaheim, CA. and all that has taken place in the aftermath. This is just a small part of 'my story, but I have written the more complete version in a yet-to-be published manuscript that tells of God's incredible grace, mercy and love, in the midst of a big old mess. Frankly I didn't want to clutter that up with the information that is in this document.

I'm writing about this more than eight years after my demise, because I think it will be helpful. You can't really say this is a knee-jerk reaction or that I haven't exhausted ever other avenue available in an effort to resolves some of the open issues, the problem is, when you are dealing with some systems of church government the avenues are very narrow and the options are few if you are going to get a fair and impartial hearing.

I hope this will help me, my children, and my friends, and maybe even others in the body of Christ, who can learn from my pain and my mistakes. There is no doubt that people and the organizations that they are a part of are going to continue experience failures. Maybe when that happens we can have a plan in place that is steeped in the wisdom of the scriptures, the lessons of our past mistakes and immersed in the unconditional love of God. Even though the Bible doesn't outline clearly each and every step that we are to take in these situations, it certainly gives general principles and instruction as to what our attitude is to be and how we are to act towards one another in the face of failure.

The first question that I anticipate is, 'Why?' 'Why tell this story for the entire world to see?' But as I thought about the why question, something occurred to me. Why not? If everything that has happened is just, fair and right, then no one has anything to worry about. In fact, it could be used as an example of how to deal with the failures of leaders in the church. If that isn't the case then at least we can learn from the failure to do things in a Christ-honoring and biblical manner. We shouldn't be afraid of the truth, we shouldn't always shroud things in secrecy leaving blanks to be filled in by people's imaginations. I learned long ago, when you leave blanks to be filled in, people will fill them in, and in most cases with the negative.

Let me say this however, this is my story, my memoir, if you will, of the events as they happened to me. There are bound to be different perspectives and viewpoints of these events. And in the spirit of fairness, I invite those with differing perspectives to email me with their take on these events and I will post their story about my story as well. In fact this document will be posted on my blog which allows for my readers to comment. The only thing I ask is you include your name when doing so. Even though this is a memoir, there are, in my opinion, no embellishments for dramatic effect.

My contention is, that my situation was handled without compassion, empathy or a desire to bring healing and restoration. Any efforts taken along those lines were undermined and invalidated by people outside the process. I did have a restoration team, but their work was rendered useless by people outside the process, and then later by the unwillingness of the Association of Vineyard Churches Board to stand behind or support a process that they were deeply connected to. It is my contention they allowed slander, gossip, malicious talk and ill feelings to take precedent over biblical standards and justice and have repeatedly failed to use what power they do have to do good. In many ways they added insult to injury.

One of the things I contend is that the processes that were used by the AVC were flawed. They did not allow for any direct interaction between me and those who were making accusations or claiming an offense. This made it impossible to resolve any of these issues in an open, impartial and just manner. I think any organization that operates this way is destined to fail to resolve conflicts or deal with pastoral failure and the gossip and slander that can surround it. Because of secrecy, lack of accountability and a strong tendency towards partiality for colleagues it has been impossible to have resolution in my case.

I have never disputed for one minute that I failed as a leader in the church and needed to step down from leadership. There has never been a time that I have sought to defend myself nor justify my behaviors.

What I have contended is that the consequences of my behavior were not commensurate with my failures. They certainly did not call for being cut off, exiled, maligned and slandered without restraint and without repercussion to those who did so. In fact, the opposite has been true, the sinful actions of others have been rationalized and justified because of the hurt that I have caused. The message has been You sinned, therefore it is acceptable and understandable that others sin against you, they are not responsible, you are.

Even in the worst of circumstances, the scripture does not allow for harsh and vindictive actions on the part of the sinned against. I can see nowhere in the scripture that empowers the church to execute punishment. I don't think that is ever acceptable or justifiable regardless of a persons failing. The Apostle Paul said, 'If someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore such a one with gentleness and be careful that you not fall into temptation yourself.'

First, I think Paul is saying there should be a plumb line for all actions taken on the part of church leadership when someone 'is caught in sin'. It should be shrouded in gentleness and done without sinning against the sinner. I can without any reservation state that my experience as one who failed was as far removed from any kind of gentleness as one could imagine. The response to my failures appeared to bring out the worst in some others and demonstrated weaknesses in the system to which I was submitted. I have learned something through this; you can have good people and a bad system, which results in some seriously questionable actions. I really do mean that. If you have a system that fails to be transparent or accountable, it will not be fair and just. It will make bad decisions and take actions that are harmful. When the church engages in the discipline of a brother or sister it should be redemptive and healing, not punitive and hurtful.

Frankly, as time has gone on this is one of the most confusing things for me. In most cases I have been dealing with good people, kind people, respectable people, thoughtful people, yet as you will see some of their responses to my situation have been less than kind or thoughtful. Even some of those with the best of intentions have stumbled greatly, in my opinion.

Some who read this are not familiar with me or my situation, I will give you a really brief summary. I became a Christian in 1965 as a result of the personal witness of a man by the name of John Wimber. From 1965 to 1995 I was connected to him in a very close and personal relationship. He was the closest thing to a father I had in my life. He was my spiritual father, friend, colleague and my mentor. As a direct result of his influence in my life I dedicated my life to the ministry of the kingdom. John made it really clear, when you came a Christian, you were committing to Christ, his church and his cause. For the most part, from 1965 forward my life basically took an upward direction which included becoming a pastor, church planter, worship leader, songwriter and ultimately I succeeded John as the Senior Pastor of the Vineyard Christian Fellowship of Anaheim. It is not my purpose to go into all the details regarding our relationship in this document. But it is safe to say that over a 32-year period of time there was no one outside of John's family who could claim to have known him better or spent more time with him than I did. The fact is, I was close to John and deeply involved in and a part of the Friends church, Calvary Chapel and the Vineyard Movement.

In December of 1994, I accepted the position of Senior Pastor at the Vineyard Christian Fellowship of Anaheim, California. In accepting this role, I followed an extremely popular and influential person (John Wimber), who was the founder of the church I was to pastor, and also the leader of the Vineyard movement. Following him was a pretty daunting task. Especially since he stayed in the church, sat on the front row and after meeting with those who were critical of my leadership would convey their concerns to me on a regular basis. There is much that can be said about this situation, but the fact is, when John asked me to take the church I accepted. Whether it was the stupidest thing anyone could have ever done can be decided by others. I know this, it didn't work out too well for me and I think if John were alive today, he would say it didn't work out too good for him either. Although the church actually did fine in terms of any measurable evaluation, baptisms, giving, attendance and such, even the evaluations I had done on my leadership by the pastoral staff gave me high marks. I arranged to have myself evaluated by an outside consultant, and by my team. This was done once anonymously and once with their names on the record over a two-year period of time, their comments and their scores for me were very positive and in each case gave me a score of 8.5 on a scale of 1-10 in terms of their feelings about me and my leadership.

I mention this, because in the aftermath of my failures it appears that the public opinions expressed by some of these same folks changed considerably. I have copies of these evaluations and they don't indicate any issues of concern or indicate that the pastoral team was having any problem with me. There is no doubt that I felt hurt that none of them stood up for me and my family during this time, but there could be an explanation for this. If they heard and believed the rumors, gossip and slander about me and my behavior, they would have felt betrayed and confused. If any of these rumors were true, their behavior is understandable. And of course, they had no way of knowing what was and what was not true. Especially when some of the gossip and slander was passed on by recognized leaders.

None of my actual transgressions should have been a surprise to anyone on the pastoral team though. I clearly was not making it on a personal basis and not only did I not know what to do, those around me didn't seem to know what to do either. These were good people, but the system was such that there was no accountability or any sort of checks and balances for those in leadership.

Through the years the church had become fractured with various elements from those who had been there in the beginning, to those who had embraced and had affection for the prophetic, to those who loved the renewal as represented by the Toronto Blessing and finally there were those who had come to the church over the two years I had been in leadership and were philosophically in agreement with me. Trying to work with these factions was a maddening process and it took its toll on me.

The fact is, on a personal level I did not respond very well to this pressure and challenge and by early 1997 the wheels were coming off. The early manifestations came to surface in my mental and physical health. I was suffering dozens and dozens of panic attacks, 8 of them leading to hospitalization, the severity of which only those who have experienced them can understand. I needed prescription medications to cope and to make it from day to day. There were other things that made coping with the pressure difficult, but I'd rather not go into them here lest it be construed as me making excuses for my behavior. Let me make this clear I understand that we sin when we are carried away by our own sinful desires. But I will state this I certainly didn't fail in a vacuum and there was a context in which I failed, although you would never know this by the response of those around me.

By mid 97 the affects of my response to the pressure was manifesting in a complete breakdown in my relationship with my wife (there was never another person involved) and my relationship with John was fractured. I needed to step back from ministry and I needed help. I think one of the most confusing things for a person who is in the position I was in, is how on one level everything can be so messed up and yet on another level, things seemed to be functioning well. I give my opinion on this in another blog entry entitled, Wicked or Weak, that you can read if you wish.

Things came crashing down when my wife and I had a massive argument in an airport on our way home from London. Our marriage was foundationally the most critical issue in all of this. In fact we had already entered into counseling and on arriving home from London we were going to take the next 30 days off to focus completely on this situation. Our blow up and separation ended that plan. One astounding thing is that my wife and I somehow had convinced ourselves that taking this church was going to help us draw closer together! Dumb and Dumber.
I want to interject here that my wife and I struggled throughout our marriage, the best time for us was when we were on the central coast of California from May of 1983-1990. I think the reason for this is two-fold. One is, we hadn't exceeded the bounds of what kind of pressure we could deal with without falling apart. People in every walk of life experience this. Some people function really well and with success up to a point but beyond that point their mental and emotional structural integrity begins to fail. Sort of like placing to much weight on a bridge. Second, while on the Central Coast we worked closely with a group of people who were our true friends, we knew them and they knew us and we protected, confronted one another and grew together. I truly wish we had never left that place.

The big blow up came June 28 1997. By July 2, 1997 I had resigned as Senior Pastor of the Anaheim Vineyard, it was the last time I saw or heard from John Wimber. I'm not reporting this to rag on John, I insert it because it demonstrates how dramatic the response was to my failure. One of the saddest things about this whole situation is that instead of looking at us and saying ÂOur brother and sister are in trouble, we need to help them, the response was to vilify me and cut me off and to draw in my wife in an effort to justify these actions. I have seen this handled different by other Vineyard churches and in other denominations, where to goal is to help, to heal and to restore. That simply wasn't on the agenda in this case, although I didn't realize this at first.
One thing is certain and this is the absolute truth, that none of these people who I had been with since I was an eleven year old boy, nor the leadership at the Anaheim Vineyard, did anything to seek and help us in our marriage and family. The core of this group has never spoken to me again and there are some who to this day speak with close friends of mine indicating they would do all they can to see me kept from ministry. It really was amazing to see how people drew close to my wife during this time, promising support, spending time with her, standing with her, then withdrew from her and quit speaking with her when she let them know we were seeking to reconcile. I know this is hard to believe, but it is what happened and certainly added to our confusion and distress.

On a national level the Vineyard movement would be hard pressed to sight any examples of success along these lines. Over the years there have been several visible and influential leaders who were denied any kind of fair and objective process, instead they were left feeling cut of and bruised by those who were meant to bring help and healing to them.

I needed to resign but the way I was pressured to resign wasn't the way it should have been done. The process bypassed the Board of the church, the staff, our congregation and was done so under inappropriate circumstances and pressures.

I wish I would have held on and forced a process that would have been open to all. In not doing so, my well-being was left to those who had no concern for it. I will state here for those of you who may have wondered why I didn't go before the church and make a public confession, it is simple, I wasn't allowed to. I was told that those who were now (after I resigned) in leadership were committed to me never standing behind the pulpit of that church again. I did write a letter and ask that it be read, but only a small portion of it outlining my transgressions was read, everything and anything related to my sorrow and regret was excised. It is clear that from this time forward the public impression was that I had tucked my tail and run and was less than repentant.

In one Sunday service at the Anaheim Vineyard someone yelled out, What about Carl? the response was, We can only go as far as he is willing to. Again this gave the impression that I wasn't cooperating and was unrepentant, when in fact nothing could have been any further from the truth.

Although I knew I needed to resign and that I needed help, I never anticipated the flood of hostility and rejection by the people I had worked with and had spent a great deal of my life with. Of course, I knew I had embarrassed and hurt John Wimber and had introduced a difficult situation to the church in Anaheim. I am not minimizing this, but I have been in the church long enough to know that as difficult as these situations can be, they can be a great time of healing and in the end victory for the church, if we treat the fallen with the gentleness and compassion, the scripture admonishes us to and, of course, if the sinner is repentant. I was later told that I left a mess. I would contend that if things were handled in the neighborhood of what could be defined as Christian behavior by those who had responsibility to do so, it would not have been nearly as messy. It was not my choice or my desire to leave anything, I wanted very much to go before the church and apologize, repent and acknowledge my failures. It is ironic because there are those in leadership that to this day hold this against me and use it to demonstrate that I lacked repentance, and therefore they have issues with me.

I might as well insert this at this point as well. When I stepped down I negotiated a severance package. I know this sounds crass, but I had an idea that there wouldn't be much support or sharing in responsibility from those who asked me to take this position. I had seen it over and over again, if some one blew it they were gone. I had robbed my family of time and energy to serve this call, not only as Senior Pastor but for several years prior serving as John's executive pastor. I was not going to leave my family high and dry at this point. I asked my executive pastor and also the V.P. of the Board to survey the board to see what they would be willing to do. They came back to me and both told me the board had agreed via phone conversations, a completely legal and legitimate means of board interaction, to 1 year pay and to pay for marriage counseling. This was in July prior to my resignation. After I resigned it took two plus months to get back with any commitment and it had changed to 6 months, they still agreed to marriage counseling, but in the end never gave anything towards this. Not that they had to do any of this, but it is what they committed to and therefore there should have never been a question as to whether or not they would fulfill their commitment.

As a result of this, I came back to current leadership as the 6-month period was about to expire and asked them to fulfill their initial commitment. It took me this long because over and over again I was told that if I pushed this issue it would not go over well, implying that it would be read as a lack of repentance. I finally met with a friend who also was the V.P. of the church board and told him if they wouldn't speak with me about this, which up to that time I could get no response to my inquiries, that I would go to the authority above them, that is, the courts. I showed my friend a copy of what a complaint would look like. He said there would be no need for that, he would get the principles together and we could review the situation.

This is a fact. I put that sample complaint aside at that point and never had it with me again at any other meeting, although it has been reported that I brought it to the follow up meeting. I didn't, period. Once my friend said we could meet, I put it aside. I write about all of this because it has been one of the rumors that has circulated and been brought up over and over again as a means of pointing to my lack of repentance. Before I explain my mind set, I want to report that I met the next day with my friend the V.P. of the church board, who also was the National Director the Association of Vineyard Churches, the current Senior Pastor of VCF Anaheim and the head of Vineyard Ministries International. I also brought a friend with me to support me. I would advise everyone who faces a situation like this to never enter any meeting with people whose decisions will affect your life, especially those who have both structural and spiritual authority over you, to never go alone. At this meeting the V.P. of the church board produced notes that did in fact support the decision made by the board to give me a 1-year severance. The issue was settled there, or so I thought. In the aftermath of this my threat of a lawsuit was reported to such an extent that I received emails regarding it from other parts of the world. Which is one of the factors that thwarted my public restoration at a later time.

The charge was that I was threatening to sue my brother and therefore was clearly not repentant. I was asked how I could even contemplate such a thing. Here is my rationale. As I understand it, virtually every Vineyard church in the U.S. incorporates within the State which it operates, each church also applies for Federal tax exempt status. In doing so each church to some degree, particularly as it relates to the laws of the land, sign documents agreeing to live under certain restraints and certainly to operate within the law. In doing so they place themselves under the authority of the State and Federal government. Another way that I have put it is, a California State corporation is not my brother. If you are engaged with a group that acts in subjective and arbitrary ways towards you, refusing to enter into dialogue based on what is fair I think you certianly have the right to appeal to the authorty to which the organization has placed itself under. In my view I was simply going to go to a higher authority to protect my family. By the way I didn't receive one penny of my severance, I was asked to sign a document that assigned it directly to my wife, which wasn't legal, but I signed feeling I had no choice. I'm sure I did have some choice but I didn't feel that way at the time.

Regardless of how you feel about this I think most reasonable people would believe there is room for disagreement here without a person being punished for having a contrasting opinion on this matter.
Sorry for digressing I felt I had to include that bit of information.

I knew things were going to be difficult, but I also saw it as an opportunity for me and my family to be healed and to reacquaint myself with Jesus. I had become so busy working for Him, that I lost touch with having a real relationship with Him. I had become a stranger to my own heart. I knew my relationship with John and others would be challenged, I had no idea they would be destroyed. I guess if I had been doing the things that they were accusing me of, if I had been unrepentant, if I had been dishonest with the pastoral staff and the church about the fact I wasn't making it, I could understand the shock and dismay.

The fact is, I had told the pastors that I felt I had disqualified myself as an elder of the church at my home in the spring of 97. My wife also had told a group of the pastors who played a key role of leadership with me that if they didn't intervene she was leaving me. I'd gone before the church on a Sunday night a month before resigning stating that I wasn't making it. On another occasion I was with my pastoral team at a Southern California pastor's retreat and confessed that I felt like there were alluring spirits seeking to take me out. I did this before my team and dozens of other pastors. There is more, but what I have shared was enough to make me believe that although there would be hurt and discouragement, there would also be a degree of empathy and concern for me and my family and people certainly wouldn't be shocked.

I am sad to say, that with the exception of the many letters I received from members of the church, the response of those in responsible places of leadership at the local church was far short of supportive. We were left to contend without any assistance from those who could have helped bring healing and closure to this situation for us. The fact is because the way things were handled over a long period of time, we have been affected as we have tried to move forward with our lives. Because the restoration process I went through was never publicized and supported by the Vineyard Leadership, we have had to face many things that have resulted from this lack of support.
There are three things that have influenced me to come forward and develop a record of what took place during this time. One is the fact that my children have been forced to face and be exposed to false accusations about me without any defense. One of the worst examples of this is when, at a recent family dinner, one of the kids just blurted out, 'Well, I heard you stole money from the church to gamble and that you sued the Vineyard for a million dollars!' I was crestfallen to know that my children had heard this sort of gossip and slander and had to be confronted with it. It would have been nice to be able to point to published documents and support from Vineyard leadership, which do exist, to answer any questions that come up as a result of gossip, slander, malicious talk and such.

In the aftermath of my confession of sin and resignation, John launched an investigation, doing things like confiscating my computer from my home office and sending people out to interview my friends to see if there were other things that needed to be uncovered. A letter dated Sept. 4, 1998, written on the letterhead of the National Director of the Association of Vineyard Churches stated, 'Our investigation uncovered no categories of sin beyond that which Carl confessed to. The allegations regarding compulsive gambling and financial recklessness proved to be without merit.' Over the past 8 years, as I have been regarded with suspicion and much caution, I have found out over and over again that people were under the assumption that things were much worse than I had confessed to, not only what my child brought out, but people have heard that I was an adulterer, a wife beater and that I was suing one Vineyard organization or another. I have never run into a Vineyard pastor who recalled the 'Hunter letter' or have I ever had any way to point to an official response that would clear these sorts of things up.

I think I would have been able to get my mind around most of this if it was short term, an initial reaction, let's say for a few months after my resignation. But the hostility, gossip, slander, malicious talk and such has seemed to increase over time. What is stunning to me is how we don't take the biblical teachings regarding these behaviors seriously and do nothing to curtail them or bring discipline to those who practice such behavior. I have come to the place in my life that I have a hard time taking any organization's discipline policy seriously if they are unwilling to bring discipline or correction regarding slander, malicious talk, gossip, greed, pride or other such sins. Could this be the temptation Paul is referring to in Galatians 6? We appear to only deal with a select few transgressions ignoring others that are devastating to the church. Can you imagine a pastor, elder or board member being publicly rebuked for gossip, selfish ambition or pride? I would think the whole church would stand up and take notice and curtail such behavior. Isn't that what Paul says one of the purposes of public rebuke is, that all may fear. It is hard to take church discipline seriously when it is so selective and subjective in its application. Frankly I think that if a church or denomination doesn't take the time to develop and publish guidelines and criteria for discipline it shows that they are unsafe places.

To this day, the Association of Vineyard Churches has failed to implement or release a suggested set of guidelines regarding the failure of a leader nor outlined any process for the restoration of a leader. Nor have they taken any action that would serve as an example of how we are to deal with the failures of leaders. I find this discouraging because of the failure to learn from past mistakes. By the way, I not only agreed to go through a discipline process, I sought one, in the hope that it would lead to healing and restoration. I agreed to go through it at the time because I couldn't conceive of the animosity towards me from very influential people not knowing that they would be allowed to invalidate any process I went through. If I would have been aware that people who were outside the process and were not involved at any level would be allowed to do so I would not have wasted my time.

I should make it clear at this point that the actual process that I went through was led by a very credible group of men who did a remarkable job and were fair and firm in their approach to me. But as I have reported this process was in the ended ignored and not supported. It has been even more discouraging that the Association of Vineyard Churches Board has been unwilling to stand behind a process that they had a major role in. As I sought to get them to do so, I have been met over and over again with statements that have sought to distance the Vineyard government from the process or any responsibility to correct the injustice that has been done. I have documents that make it very clear that the AVC was involved in this process, none the less there has been a resistance to taking any responsibility in this situation.

People have told me that I should talk to those in leadership directly and seek their help. I have done so many, many times. The following is a review of what I have done and what the response has been. I have also been told over and over again that I should just let this go, but as you will see there are reasons I can't do this.
Because this process began publicly, my wife and I both thought that the closure of this would should come publicly as well. We asked that the letter written by the AVC Regional Director that reported on the success and end of my disciplinary process, be read at the National conference in 1999. It was at the 1997 pastor's conference that my failures had been disclosed publicly.
They failed to do so in 1999 with the Director of the AVC explaining that it create problems with a certain group of people. These would be the people I am referring to outside the process but who had influence over it, I choose not to name names. As I hope you will see my complaint, and I do put forth a complaint, is that the system by which decisions are made regarding people is broken and ineffective. I have come to believe that you can be involved with good people, but have bad operating systems that allow for bad decisions and unsafe environments.

Some argue that I should have just let this go and moved on. In the intervening years I have been involved in several endeavors and have sought to move forward on every front of my life. I have moved on, but over the past eight years I have been met over and over again with the impact of not only my failures, but with the affects of the unchecked gossip, slander and malicious talk that was loosed in the aftermath of my failures. It has affected me and my family in many ways and continues to do so. I never asked to be restored to any position, I simply asked that since my failures were exposed on an international level from a very public platform, could they make the completion of my disciplinary process public as well. That doesn't seem to me to be an outlandish request.

I could write about several examples of how this lack of closure has affected me in employment, business and others endeavors. My ability to minister, to gain employment and move forward has been impacted on numerous occasions as a result of the lack of closure and the affects of gossip.

All of this for the most part lay dormant from 1999 to 2003 when the following took place. In 2003 we relocated as a family and began attending a local Vineyard church. I dare say that I would not have done that if I was bitter and unforgiving towards the Vineyard. In my opinion Vineyard churches are very much similar to other denominations, there is a national governmental structure, but there is very little uniformity on a local level. It seems to me that you can go to four different Vineyard churches at this point and have four completely different experiences. Therefore I evaluate each church individually, versus making any judgment regarding the entire denomination. There are many wonderful Vineyard churches and pastors who are good people, seeking to do good things, in fact, I personally don't know any who arenÂt. So when we moved and got involved with this church I was fine with it. The church was gracious, generous, embracing and encouraging to us. As a result of my involvement in this church, the pastor and I had discussions regarding my status and he communicated with me that he felt like the Lord wanted him to pursue some sort of closure to my situation. I did not request this and in retrospect should have declined the offer, but the truth is I wanted to be a part, I wanted to belong, I wanted acceptance from what I viewed as my family of origin, so I gave him permission to go ahead and speak with whoever he felt he needed to. The pastor ended up talking to the National Director of the AVC, who was sympathetic with my circumstance and after a couple of conversations with me and then some with others, he decided to extend an invitation to my wife and I to attend the 2003 National Pastors conference in San Antonio, TX where he would read the letter that had been written by the head of my restoration team announcing the successful completion of this process. In fact that letter stated that I was to date the only person who had ever completed such a process in the Vineyard movement. I assume he meant as a national and visible figure.
When this invitation was extended it created some serious tension and crisis for my wife and me. This whole thing had been a source of pain and difficulty in our marriage. We talked about it and decided to accept the invitation in the hope that it would help to clear the air and help us to move forward in our marriage and in life. We were really struggling and the fact that this situation had yet to be resolved was hindering me at least from doing so. In San Antonio, I was hopeful that a very painful and discouraging season would be put behind all of us. To me the fact that the national leadership was going to stand behind it would carry weight with many churches and people. It was not to be.

What followed over the next several months was nothing less than stunning to me

My wife and I were to fly out on a Tuesday morning. The AVC had purchased tickets and arranged a room for us, but on Monday night, somewhere past 10 pm, I received a call from my local church pastor, saying that the invitation to attend had been withdrawn and that the letter would not be read. He pleaded with me to be patient and asked for forgiveness. He was truly discouraged by this. Of course, we were discouraged and hurt by this and troubled about what had happened and why. I have great difficulty with the way and the why this kind of thing can happen. In this case there were people who were allowed to air grievances with me to other AVC board members under the protection of confidentiality and without me being present to contend for myself as to the validity of the claims being made. In addition to this none of the issues that were brought up had any relationship to the process that I had successfully completed.

Basically I was told that there were some people or someone who had a problem with doing this, (reading the letter from my restoration team at this conference) that they had issues with me. It took weeks to find out who the person was and what the issues were and when I did find out the burden to resolve this was placed on me. I find it hard to understand how it is helpful to discuss in secret any individual, coming to conclusions about this person and make decisions regarding the individual, without the person who is being talked about being present. In the secular court system a person who is accused is given due process, the right to confront his accusers and defend himself against the accusations. I think the standards of the church should at least meet the standard of our secular systems. I don't see anything in the Bible that allows for confidentiality for church leaders whether they be board members, elders, home group leaders, pastors or such regarding discussing people without their knowledge and without accountability for what they are claiming. How can a claim regarding an individual be resolved without talking directly to the person against whom the claim is being made? Is there any other mandate in scripture other than for restoration and healing in relationships? Can healing take place without the direct interaction of those involved?

What happened in San Antonio was the National Director announced to his fellow board members what he felt the Lord wanted him to do and it was met with opposition by those who were offended by me and were able to thwart the process by making claims about me that they didn't have to defend and were also protected by the board's need for confidentiality in such matters. So I was left with the knowledge that there were people who were against this letter being read and that they were offended with me over some issues, but who it was, what it was and why, was protected by confidentiality needs. What purpose does it serve and how is one helped with this sort of information. And what fair, just, impartial and biblical resolution can be attained in such an environment. It doesn't seem possible to bring about reconciliation through such means.

Over time I received a more complete picture, I certainly have sought on every level, face to face communication, emails and letters, phone conversations, etc. to confront these issues, to absolutely no avail, which is why I am going to the church at this point.

One affect my pursuing this did do is cause me to be even more ostracized and disconnected from the Vineyard movement. As you will read later the fact that I was hurt, angry and upset over this process was in the end used again to disqualify me and place the blame for the failure of any process to be successful because of my expression of despair and discouragement and yes, anger. My experience in this system has been when you express your anger it is used as a means to invalidate your complaint. I understand that the Bible allows for anger, but we are instructed to be angry and sin not.

As for the San Antonio incident, which is the cornerstone for what took place next, here is what I have been able to piece together took place. As I understand it, as a result of the conversations that the pastor of my local church had with the National Director of the AVC, he decided to read the letter that was issued on behalf of the restoration team who lead my discipline process. I know he had conversations with a couple other board members as well and decided that reading the letter would be the right thing to do. At the very least it would, in the eyes of my wife and I, enable us to close the door on a very disturbing chapter in our lives. We were asking the AVC to use its authority to do this good and were so pleased that they were about to do this. It is only fair to say that part of the objection to the reading of the letter at this time was due to the way this was being handled by the National Director. Some of the board felt they should have been consulted and that they should be a part of any process in deciding this matter. To a degree I can understand this, but I would argue that although it was a fair response, to allow it to stop what was about to take place indicates a couple things. One is that the Vineyard movement is a board-led movement. Although there is a lead person named as director, he doesn't have the authority to make and carry out decisions without the board's approval. This is neither good nor bad, but it does play into my response to some of the things that were claimed later regarding this matter. From this time forward although I had numerous exchanges with the Director, I never had confidence that I was speaking with one who had the authority to resolve my issues. They would claim that he represented the board, but I can only accept that he was an emissary of the board. One who would dialogue with me and report back to the board. I had no confidence in his ability to make a decision and implement it and I think in the light of what took place that is a justifiable conclusion.
When the invitation was withdrawn I was promised that the director would come out to where we lived and visit with us. He did so in August, but it was a puzzling time. He came out and the pastor of my church, one of his assistants, the National Director and I played golf. I rode with the Director for the entire round and not one word was uttered regarding the San Antonio matter. I didn't bring it up, thinking that he would and frankly should. We went to dinner that night at the Macaroni Grill in town, which if you have ever been to one, is not the place to go if you want to have a serious conversation and we didn't. At that dinner was the pastor, his wife and my wife and me. Other than a very brief mention of San Antonio and a quick apology and a promise of getting together soon, the matter wasn't discussed. In October of that same year, my wife and I spent a weekend with the National Director and his wife at their home. We had a wonderful time and they really are kind and caring people. He had me lead worship at his church that Sunday night and he indicated that this would send a signal to others in the movement.

During our time together I pressed for clarification and some sort of resolution regarding my situation, I stated something like this, Obviously it's a little late to read the letter unless we wait two more years, can you post it on the AVC website so at least when I run into resistance I can direct people there? Can you use me at Vineyard Music Group in any way? I can make myself available for pastors in crisis or who are struggling? What do you think? I can't explain why but everything I suggested, or sought information regarding, was met with silence. I couldn't get a direct or clear response on anything. It was confusing to me and made me feel that for some reason he was proceeding with great caution.

At this time I was not doing well emotionally, mentally, financially or personally. The pressures in our family life were mounting and I was really looking for some help and some release. I was probably thinking this would do more for me/us than was realistic, but without a doubt this whole thing was affecting our home life. My wife had been exploited and used to build a case against me and she felt bad about this was willing to go through this if it would help to overcome this. The fact that my wife was exploited in her hurt and brokenness as a means to deal with me is probably the most shameful and absolutely the least helpful thing that took place during this period (Much of this was done by those who had position of power and influence in the church, it was known but never confronted and they did so without rebuke) Even though she has encouraged me to write this and has even given me permission to write things that would be embarrassing to her I would never do so, she is the mother of my children and if anyone was a victim in this she certainly was. She did what she felt she had to do and she had no way of knowing that the intent of those seeking information from her would was less than righteous.
Frankly I hadn't really forgiven her from my heart and it was creating real tension. I was wrong and shouldn't have placed blame on her for this. This is the most critical thing I will say in relationship to her and I only do so to advise those who may go through these kind of difficulties you should seek to contain as much information as possible. There are those who need to know everything and there are those who need to know nothing. Once this sort of thing happens it can never be undone. I know this from being in pastoral ministry for years, if you only speak with one partner in a relationship you never get an accurate understanding of what is taking place.

Maybe I was placing more value on this whole thing (public restoration) than it had, I was hoping it would help Sonja and me to move on. I have expressed this so many times and in so many ways to those I felt had authority to help. To this day, I am astonished that the possibility that this might have helped us would not convince those in power to come along side us and help us in any way they could. It appears they never even took the good this might do into consideration. The fact is I never had the opportunity to make such a plea face-to-face to the board. You cannot say that meeting with a representative of the board who doesn't have the authority to make a decision meets this standard.

After our weekend together in October, there was again a period of silence and lack of communication. I sought to find out what was taking place, if anything, and was told that I needed to contact the person who had issues with me and make amends. The implication was that I needed to do this so we could move forward.

During this time I encounter some disturbing things as I sought what I would call public restoration. I expressed this by asking the question to anyone in the government of the Vineyard that would listen, Do you believe in public rebuke and private restoration? The response to this shocked me. What was said to me was, that there is no tape of this [the public rebuke] happening, and there really wasn't much of a statement or it wasn't very public, or the AVC didn't have any involvement in this. All any one has to do is read the cover letter from Todd Hunter attached to the letter from the head of my restoration team to determine that it was public and connected to the AVC. It felt like my situation was being minimized and that those who not only served in church government then, but those who serve now, wanted to distance themselves from any responsibility in this situation. Frankly, this made me as angry and frustrated as one could get. As time went on this continued to be the communication I received, We aren't responsible. It wasn't a big deal and we don't understand what you want us to do. I was astounded and frustrated beyond description.

In my last direct verbal communication with the director he asked me in frustration What do you want me to do? He went on to express how much time he had taken on this situation and how much he had listened to me. It appeared that he felt because he had taken the time to talk with me and listen to me that I should somehow be satisfied and grateful for this. In my view this was weak at best. Okay you have listened to me, yet you have not said anything to me other than that I need to make things right with someone who hasn't even had the maturity as a person, let alone a leader, to let me know that he as an offense with me. The fact is, I had heard about this offense but never from the person who had it. What is that? Gossip? Slander? Malicious talk? Why would a person who holds a place of such responsibility (AVC Board member and Senior Pastor) not be held accountable rather than placated in behavior that is clearly unbecoming a leader in the church? Each and every question I asked had been ignored, sidestepped and all responsibility was left to me the person who holds no place of power or influence. So the weak must yield to the strong and do so without protest or you are labeled as unrepentant or angry.

Let me admit right here and now before the world that I have been angry, hurt, discouraged and disillusioned by the behavior of people who hold positions of power, yet are unwilling to act in fair, open and biblical ways. It has been terribly disappointing to have men that I have ministered with for years and been close friends with in some cases, who would take so little interest in helping me get beyond this difficult situation. There is no doubt in my mind that if they had used their power to do good at the AVC Conference in San Antonio, it would have been a help to me and my family. In my view if there was any chance of it doing so there was no reason not to. Maybe it would have brought some healing to our marriage, maybe it would have helped me fight a raging battle with clinical depression. Maybe, maybe not, but if there was a possibility how could it be such a difficult choice. If we are to err, don't we want be guilty of erring on the side of mercy and compassion? Why if we are a community of churches wouldn't there be any interest expressed in helping us. In my heart I believe if this letter had been read that the response of everyone in the room would have been one of joy and celebration. I think it would have been a yea Jesus moment.

Several months after the San Antonio conference, after numerous emails, visits, phone conversations and such, I blew up. I told the director to forget it, that I would accept the letter written by the restoration team as being a done deal and move forward. I also met with the pastor at my local church who had initiated this whole thing and was told that I needed to step back from ministry that I was unhealthy and unfit. I was truly blown away and disturbed by this. The pastor had recently completed a series from Mike Yaconellie's book Messy Spirituality in which he had come out to give his message dressed like a complete mess. The essence of his message over several weeks was, Hey we are all a mess, me included, but we are God's and we are going to work this thing out together.

The pastor supported his conclusion about my lack of fitness for ministry by making two assertions, yet both were completely untrue. However, because he and his associate had concluded they were true, then they were. It bothers me that those in leadership can call people into a meeting without any openness, make accusations and not have to be accountable to anyone for it. In fact they are able to leave such a meeting and report to others what they had done and why they had to do it and people simply accept it as fact. Why wouldn't they? These are their leaders sharing this stuff. I wonder about the validity of operating in such a fashion. In fairness to these people I want to again communicate that my overall experience at the church was one in which I was treated with generosity, kindness and was included in the church, leading worship, teaching, being pastor on call among other things. I will not judge the whole by this one situation, but I also don't believe after being with them for 18 months in which time they expressed nothing but admiration for me, that they should write me off because I blew up in frustration with the AVC. The excuse for this was the issues they had, as well as a claim that I wasn't in any accountable relationship, which was again an erroneous claim. From the beginning with them I expressed the fact that I was a broken guy, that it was still questionable whether my marriage would make it, so it wasn't like I was putting on a good front for them. Without a doubt I felt discouraged and hurt by this experience and with this process. I need to also state that in this meeting I got red hot mad. I wouldn't want to defend my behavior in that meeting for one second. I finally after 7 years just exploded and unloaded. I wish I hadn't, these where nice people who had tried to do the right thing, but again if we are going to operate without guidelines, protections, policies regarding these matters, they are going to truly more often than not end up a mess. In the end the message I received was, yes we are all a mess, but you are a bigger mess. It left me wondering what the standard of measurement was being used to discern degrees of messiness.

Over the years of pastoral ministry I encountered lots of situations where there was some sort of issue that would need to be dealt with. In most cases I asked people to bring someone they trusted with them to the meeting. This protected me and protected them. This protected us from gossip, slander, malicious talk and the temptation to abuse authority.

I am convinced that there should be no process that deals with the life of another person in the church where there is a lack of openness and accountability. Pastors are not kings! Titles do not entitle anyone to an exemption from gossip, slander and malicious talk. Often the immediate response I get to this is, but we need to be able to discuss these things privately. The fact is a discussion about another person who is not present cannot result in resolution of anything and exposes that person to being judged and harmed by the process. There may be exceptions, but let them be that, exceptions. There is no doubt that this is not the exception, but the rule, people are marginalized, their complaints invalidated and there character besmirched by the loose tongues of their brothers and sisters.

I need to state here that I had never contended that I was anything other than unfit and unhealthy. I have never felt fit my whole life, I have never moved forward based on my fitness. I was not aspiring to be an elder in the church a this time, which is the only place I see a set standards for measuring someone's qualifications. I think it is a sin and shameful to hold those standards up to the bass player, or the sound man or the greeter. We are either a fellowship of sinners, all a mess or we are not. You can't claim to be a mess and the same time claim to be a little less messy, therefore qualified. This encounter convinced me that it really can be a system thing, because I knew for a fact that I was dealing with honest, sincere people, but they operate in a system that allows for decision-making without accountability or due process of any sort and there isn't one thing they can point in defense of this. The scripture outline processes and that these things are to be done without partiality. We can only assume that the temptation Paul is referring to is to act subjectively and selectively.

This is my claim. I was in leadership at the Anaheim Vineyard, I was failing to live up to the standards and requirements of my position and I stepped down. In the aftermath there was a restoration team assembled made up of leaders who held positions in the leadership of the AVC. I completed this process and a letter was issued stating such. Although this letter was also released to the International Vineyard leaders, to my knowledge it was never disseminated to the international churches. To my knowledge the only two places the letter was read was at the Inland Vineyard and at a leaders meeting at the Anaheim Vineyard, more than likely it found its way into the circular file. The AVC has never made a public statement of restoration equal to the public statements exposing my failures. The AVC has disputed their involvement with any process or responsibility. For years I sought public restoration as a logical response to having my failures exposed publicly. I contend that those in Vineyard leadership in the end allowed forces and circumstances outside the official process to invalidate the very process that was authorized and executed by those in AVC leadership. I contend that they acted with partiality for their colleagues in direct conflict with the biblical admonishing to avoid doing so.

In the end I was told in writing that I needed to forgive the Vineyard Board. My question is, For what? The Vineyard Board has never admitted to any wrongdoing, nor have they sought my forgiveness. I know we are to forgive our enemies, but my brother is not my enemy I think family things are supposed to be different. I was also informed that I am not a member in good standing. This was at a time that I had just spent the previous two years in a Vineyard church, ministering and involved at many levels without complaint. This letter claimed to have no knowledge of any conflict at the local church level and therefore had come to these conclusions as a result of direct interaction with me. Is there is a written standard somewhere that is used to determine who is and who isn't in good standing in the movement? Or is it simply subjective and arbitrary in its application?

The letter also stated that this person was troubled with my uneven behavior towards him. Sometimes warm, sometimes angry. This is absolutely true. When I was being reached out to and I was invited to San Antonio, I did feel a little warm and fuzzy. When the invitation was withdrawn I did feel hurt and angry. I would contend that my unevenness has been in direct correlation to the uneven way in which my situation has been handled and I would contend that it is completely unjust to penalize me for this.

I am troubled that decisions in regard to me have been made and accusations put forth in confidential board meetings without any attempt to allow me to confront the accusations or bring reconciliation to those who anonymously have something against me. I would claim that the failure to stand behind the restoration process in a public way has hurt me and my family and the body of Christ.

I am troubled by church systems that lack accountability. Can the Senior Pastor be accountable to his Executive Pastor and the Executive Pastor accountable to the Senior Pastor?

I am troubled when people are called into meetings with leadership without support or transparency. What I have in mind is a biblical process in which any claim against a brother or sister must be made directly to them and they should not have to go into any such encounter alone. It is clearly not biblical or fair to expect someone in a weak position to go into a situation with those in power without support from others.

I am troubled by followers who are willing to accept the claims made by those in leadership without them having to establish there truth. In fact in some cases it is a test of one's loyalty to leadership for you to accept what leadership claims to be true without question.

I am troubled by systems that are unwilling to develop and implement policies that will protect both leaders and followers when they fail.

I am trouble by the lack of openness in which we operate too often in the church. We see several examples in scripture of openness when it comes to conflict and resolution.

I am troubled by the lack of courage to admit mistakes and correct them.
I do find it troubling that the rank and file pastors of the Vineyard don't scrutinize the actions of those making decisions on their behalf.

I should also mention that there was at least one person on the AVC Board who advanced my cause and spoke out on my behalf. This person is deeply loyal to the Board, and also has the ability to maintain our friendship in spite of our having different conclusions in regards to these matters. That is the way it should be, we should be able to disagree and fight for our positions yet remain in fellowship. I assume and I'm hoping there were others who felt they should do the right thing, but in the end they were overcome by people who had issues with me and clearly made claims about me that were inaccurate or simply untrue.

SOME CONCLUSIONS AND OPINIONS

1. If we are to have integrity in church discipline it needs to be applied evenly and not just to a short list of the unacceptable sins; homosexuality, drunkenness, and such. It should be exercised regarding all sins like greed, pride, gossip, selfish ambition, etc. or no sins. Any and all of this should be done impartially. Impartiality is a major theme of scripture regarding our treatment of one another. What we see to often is loyalty based on position, power, influence and title.
2. That we need to be careful to not hold people to standards that God doesn't. What I hear said and practiced are two different things. We will embrace you in your messiness, but not publicly. I also think it is unfair to hold people to standards regarding their emotions. I cannot tell you the number of times I was warned about expressing my feelings. It was clear that I would be penalized for doing so and in fact was. There seems to be an expectation that you will not only accept the discipline but you must not say ouch.
3. I don't think that people who are emotionally tied to a person should have an influence or participation in any discipline process.
4. Those who are not part of the process should not be given information that would undermine the healing and restoration of another. It is one thing to report how the surgery is going, it's another to give all the gory and, may I say, juicy details to those who don't need to know.
5. The church has no authority to exercise punishment.
6. The whole process is a slippery slope and those who head up such endeavors should be very careful how they handle themselves. (Gal. 6) If they fail to do so and succumb to the temptation to judge, gossip, slander and such they should be held to account.
7. The purpose of discipline is to bring healing and restoration to the person and to the church, therefore the whole church should participate at some level, especially where leaders are concerned.
8. I believe that if one is rebuked or in many cases shamed and exposed publicly that any restoration must include public disclosure of one's success.
9. I think that any church system that fails to make explicit plans for the failure of its leaders and followers is unsafe and unwise.
10. I don't think there can be community where there is no commitment to bear with one another in strength and in weakness. We are great at embracing the strong and quick to cast off the weak.
11. There is a big difference between church discipline and the discipline of the Lord! The discipline of the Lord is helpful and brings healing, it is an expression of the love of God. Church discipline to often is not.
12. I will never go into a meeting again without support from outside sources that assure that abuses do not occur. I promise you people act differently when others are watching. I would strongly advise you to do the same. If you can have people in a meeting with you to support you, you are dealing with an unfair and flawed system.

As for me, I continue to seek to move forward. It has been a very trying and difficult period. I want to state this very clearly at this point. Even though all of this has sucked, it hurt and it was disillusioning on a level that I can't describe, I have on a personal level benefited greatly, although there is very little in terms of exterior tangible evidence of this. My life circumstances at this time are difficult and challenging, but my personal relationship with Christ is simply the best. I am resting in the capable arms of Jesus and seeking to be content in whatever circumstance I face because of it. I have the most wonderful family, I adore my children, and have a wonderful grand daughter. My marriage never recovered, the church at Anaheim that I was involved with can't be blamed for this but it would have been nice if they would have sought come along side and help us, something that never happened, again something they would no example of to counter my claim.

I have also received such warm and kind responses from the members of the body of Christ in the Vineyard and outside of it. The rank and file members of the church have been very kind and empathetic. One of the great things about having a web site is that people from all over the world who I have met over the decades have taken the time to reach out and share a word or two of kindness, it has been so helpful.

I am now leading worship on a regular basis ( Faith Community Church in Thousand Palms, CA.) and will continue to seek to be involved in the work of the kingdom through various avenues.

I have written a book that needs some work, and will tell of God's faithfulness in the midst of my brokenness and failures. Unlike my own wavering and the wavering of others, He has been constant and clear in His commitment to me.

After all this I still love the church, frankly I care a lot for the Vineyard. I have many friends in the Vineyard, several pastors who have hung with me throughout, even a few that have invited me to minister, I don't know if they will after reading this, but so be it. If I can't express how it was for me I am sorry. There may be some who would use me to attack the Vineyard, they would be wrong. There are great Vineyard churches and great Vineyard pastors, no doubt about it. I obviously have issues with the AVC government but frankly the way it's structured it is impossible to deal with them.
So now there is a record of how I experienced these things. I don't have to explain myself any longer and will simply refer folks to these documents as my explanation. My plan is to move on, to pursue Gods call, purpose and plans for my life.

Note: I will be happy to send supporting documents to anyone who desires to review them. You can email me at carltuttle@carltuttle.com

Weak or Wicked?

2006-03-21T16:17:00.000-08:00

Over the past few years I have heard people give opinions on the failures of others, particularly those who have served in visible leadership positions in the church, as I once did. I have not been privy to what people have speculated in regards to my failures, but I have heard what has been said about others. It goes something like this, ' I can't believe 'Ernie' could do such a thing, he knew exactly what he was doing and yet he still went out and ministered. No wonder 'Pastor Joe' is so upset with him, he gave him a platform and was betrayed by him'. When you hear it you understand what the person is saying and in some cases that may be true, but I think there is another explanation as well. In fact when I heard this being stated I responded by saying, 'Well I guess that's true, if, 'Ernie' is an evil man. But what if he was simply weak?"
Not only have I experienced failure personally, I have known others well who have and frankly I can understand how they got to a place where they were able to act in a duplicitous way. Let us say that there is a person who is highly gifted, sought after and whose ministry is fruitful. Then let us say that this person is also has areas that are broken and unrecovered in his life. A person in such a state often finds themselves in great conflict when it comes to understanding how they can be at the same time 'blessed and gifted by God' and broken and susceptible to sinful behavior. The truth is the people around such a person for the most part become so enamored by giftedness that they ignore character issues, many times turning a blind eye to things that indicate that all may not be right. This too can confuse the gifted who for the most part they feel as if their brokenness is evident to all, yet no one seems to be to terribly concerned, which feeds their deception. By the way I'm not excusing anything here I'm simply trying to explain something.
So you have this gifted and fruitful person and I use fruitful intentionally because I am assuming only God can bring forth good fruit, which feeds the delusion of the gifted, yet broken. This person is losing the battle over sin in one arena, yet seems to be winning the battle over Satan in another! So this person is goes about their life and a temptation comes forth and they succumb to the temptation and sin. In the aftermath of the sin they feel great remorse, guilt and shame; they confess their sin, making promises to God that they will never act in such a sinful and evil way again. Soon thereafter they are placed in a position to minister and do so with great affect and with apparently bearing wonderful fruit. This can cause the person to believe that this is a sign of God's forgiveness and His favor and they feel greatly relieved and comforted by this fact, until......they are tempted again and succumb again! The pattern doesn't cease and ultimately the person is ‘found out’ and or ‘caught in sin’ and in many cases are written off as being liars and hypocrites, deceivers and such. When in reality they are weak, broken and confused, needing the Body to cover them in love and mercy, restoring such a one gently as the Bible says. I didn't say for the Body to 'cover up' for them, I'm not advocating ignoring disqualifying behavior and enabling the broken one. What I am advocating is, well, what the Apostle Paul advocated, 'When someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual (you who are relying on the Spirit for your holiness) restore such a one with gentleness AND be careful least you fall into temptation yourselves.' The temptation is to judge ' Ernie is a wicked man, he knew what he was doing, therefore it is acceptable for us to act out our anger and take punitive action against him'. We can also succumb to the temptation to punish, of which there is no such mandate released to the church in the scripture.
The truth is most of our leaders do not fail in a vacuum; they generally don't get into a place where they have become delusional, calling wrong right and right wrong without some enabling behavior by those around them. It takes everyone’s co operation in most cases. But when a leader falls we generally like to let them fall alone, isolated as if we had no part in their failures. Which I doubt is true in many cases.
Hey if a person is evil and their intention is to deceive others, to abuse others, to exploit others, that is another thing altogether. My guess is that in most cases we have people like David, a man after God's own heart, or Peter, who of course would never betray Jesus, who on the one hand are people called by God, used by God, blessed by God, yet their own weakness leads them to deceive themselves and allows them to deceive others even if that wasn't their intention.
If someone is wicked we have clear instruction as to what to do with them and by the way even then we aren't the ones administering punishment, we are to turn such a one over to Satan for the destruction of their sinful nature. But if that isn't the case, if they are weak and caught in sin, then we have another clearly outlined mandate in scripture, 'restore such a one gently'
Wicked or weak, that is the question?

On Worship

2006-02-12T05:05:00.000-08:00

I have begun leading worship on a regular basis at a local church, it's probably been 20 plus years since I was the primary worship leader anyplace. I really love much of the new music and have been enjoying it for years. Although the music has changed my approach hasn't. I don't see myself as a 'worship artist', or see myself performing in the classic sense. What I seek to do is through song help people to engage their hearts with the heart of God. The idea for me is to somehow help people to call to remembrance who He is, what He has done, His faithfulness, love and mercy, in doing so I think they will experience a refreshing and that their faith will be strengthened. I don't talk much or do any real exhorting of the 'congregation', I think it's the Holy Spirits job to do that. So what if people are standing with hands lifted up, if it isn't happening in their hearts. 'Those who worship must worship in spirit and in truth', which is God territory not mine. I just try to lead a seamless, flowing 'worship set' that allows for all of the above. Make sense?

2005-11-30T17:34:00.000-08:00

Nov. 28,05

I talk about 'church' with many people, many of whom are not terribly satisfied with their experience. This will immediately evoke a defensiveness on the part of some of my readers, but for those who relate to the less satisfied folks, I would love to hear your thoughts. What makes church great? What makes it engaging and interesting? What do you look for in church. Again for those who are of the belief that we should simply march in and march out without question, without reflection, blessing to you. There are some of us who simply can't do that. I haven't been able to do that since I was 11 years old. I really became curious as I studied the Bible and then compared it to my church experience and it was troubling. I asked a lot of questions and for the most part I was given answers that didn't answer the questions at all. In fact they seem to avoid the question and focus instead on me, implying rebellion or divisiveness. It is a tried and true method of dealing with serious and valid questions to this day. Instead of answering the question, question the one who is asking. For instance when I asked one time' How much of the church budget was set aside of evangelism?', I was asked about my own personal commitment to evangelism. 'Have you witnessed for Christ today?' I didn't mind the question itself, what bothered me is the unwillingness to be open about the churches finances and the general feeling that any question was an attack on the church itself. I wonder how we can do it better (and we can do it better) if we never seek to find out where the weaknesses are. The term community is bandied about quit a bit these days and community is great. But we have to remember community is inclusive and embracing. Community looks at things from all sides and decides in a sense together, because in fact community is life together. I am all for leadership, I believe in some cases it's a gift of the Holy Spirit, but leadership in a vacuum is devoid of the essence of community. Community is critical for a people who are willing to reflect, listen, question, and challenge the status quo. Community is not hierarchical rather it is inclusive. It is a place where the fast slow down and the slow speed up so we can go together. Frankly if the stats we read about 57,000 people a week leaving the church are any where near correct, we probably should be asking some questions, seeking more answers and being a bit less defensive.

A simple question

2005-11-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

Has your church become so seeker sensitive that it feels hostile to believers? I know there are many views on this, what's yours?

Interesting

2005-11-14T12:27:00.000-08:00

Someone I know once observed that there is a three point message commonly given in churches today.
"God is good. You are bad. And you need to try harder?"

Unfortunately I think he is right.

Relationship or Religion

2005-11-14T12:15:00.000-08:00

When I first became a Christian, one of the statements that I heard often went something like this, ' The difference between Christianity and other religions is that Christianity is a relationship not a religion.' I believe that this is true.

I'm wondering though do we talk relationship and do religion? Do we rely on ' principles' 'keys' 'steps' and 'choices' or are we engaged in a relationship that is, in a sense, renewed each day. Do we do the disciplines so we can have relationship? Or Do we have a relationship and therefore do the disciplines? Is it 'walking in the Spirit', that leads us to not fulfill the desires of the flesh? Or Is is simply a matter of making right choices? Is there a difference? I think there is, one is relationship based and one is more programmatic and frankly self reliant. One can be done in ones own strength and ability, the other can only be achieved through dependence and need.

Embracing my weakness in wholeness

2005-11-14T06:50:00.000-08:00

I wasn't quit sure how to express what I want to say in the title. What I have been thinking about recently is how far God will go in bringing us to a place of brokenness. To a place where we are able to 'glory in our weakness'. I am much more comfortable when I feel strong and competent. I am certain that God does not take pleasure in the breaking process, but I am also certain that if it is what we have to go through to enter into a place of dependence he will allow it. I have gone through many things that have broken me down, lots of loss and pain, grief and sorrow. It has been very difficult, but it has been the road to recovery. Not a recovery of my strength, but of my dependent relationship with Jesus. I live in such a way that he truly is my 'daily bread', he is the one I turn to and depend on for what I will need to make it through today.
This is so good and I am so much more content and at peace in this place. My concern is as I begin to feel strong and able again that I will lean again on my own understanding. I want very much to move on in life, embrace God's call and give expression to my faith in Him, but I want to do that from a place of being in a continual state of knowing my need. It is in the place of not feeling and knowing my need that I begin to rely on myself for what only God can do. I have lived there for many years and although I was successful by all appearances, my relationship with the Lord suffered and I experienced a great emptiness, rather than the fullness I know now in a place of rest and dependence.

Church?

2005-11-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

What is church? Really! Is it a location? How many people do you need for it to be 'church'? I'm serious, do we really believe that it is where 'two or more are gathered' or do we need to have Annoucements, Sunday School, Special Music and take an offering for it to be church? Do you have to have a sermon for it to be church? Hey I'm just curious, I sometimes wonder if everything we call church is really 'church'.
I know this with 57,000 people a week disengaging from church, we probably should be rethinking how we do church.
I think there are lots of ways to do church. My Orthodox and Catholic friends wouldn't agree, they seem to be pretty clear on what they think church is and I like to go to their meetings from time to time. I find it enriching and stimulating to my mind and my heart, but I'm not convinced that what they are doing is a replication of the early church.
There are many people who think they know what church is, there are 10's of thousands of examples of this in the Yellow pages across America. What if what Jesus said is true? What if He meant what He said? Just curious, what do you think?

Be a good follower

2005-11-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

Along the lines of being a good follower I would advise: Don't check your brains and your Bible at the door! If you're in a place where it is not alright to ask questions, you are probably in the wrong place. At least not a safe place. Remember though, there is a big difference between a question and an accusation and sometimes the way we ask a question makes the person to whom the question is directed feel as if they are being accused of something. If a person feels like they are being attacked it is only natural for them to respond defensively.
I suggest that you seek clarification regarding a matter so you can fully understand either a decision that has been made or a statement you may have heard incorrectly. If it's not alright to seek clarification, agian you probably are in an enviroment that isn't all that healthy.